DVD Review: The Pact

Review by Annie Riordan

Death is the great equalizer, and funerals are not for the dead, but rather for the living. It’s an opportunity to show the deceased the respect owed them, to reflect and forgive, and to pray for the salvation of the soul, both your own and that of the deceased. It’s a chance to show yourself humbled and to acknowledge that, despite whatever differences you may have had in life, you can forgive the sins of the flesh and rejoice in the homecoming of the spirit.

I call bullshit on that crap. And so does Annie Barlow.

Annie sees no reason why she should come to her mother’s funeral. The woman was a cold, abusive, pinch-faced old bitch who made the lives of both Annie and her sister Nicole a living hell. Ding Dong the miserable cunt is dead and good riddance, as far as Annie is concerned. And I agree. We owe the dead nothing they didn’t earn. Not even respect. You reap what you sow, and if reincarnation is for real, I hope the majority of my family come back as feeder mice.

None of Nicole’s guilt-tripping seems to be having the desired effect, and Annie stands firm on her promise to never again set foot in her mother’s house, funeral and public opinion be damned. But then Nicole goes missing, and Annie is forced to make the trip to San Pedro to find out what happened. At first it seems like Nicole, a former junkie, has simply gone off the rails again. But she’s left her possessions behind this time: laptop, cell phone, daughter, etc. She’s also a no-show for the funeral that she so stubbornly insisted both she and Annie attend. Annie and her cousin Liz return to the old house that night with little Eva in tow, unsure what to do next.

The decision is made for them when Liz disappears from her bed and a hostile ghostly presence forces Annie and Eva from the house. Now there are two women missing, vanished without a trace, and the cops don’t believe Annie’s tale of ghosts for one second. Left on her own to figure this weird shit out, Annie finds herself dogged by an infuriated poltergeist who wants Annie to know of the horrors hidden in her mother’s house, and of the horrors that are still taking place there.

I love a good ghost story, especially a ghost story whose ending I cannot figure out in the first five minutes and which genuinely scares the crap out of me. The Pact managed to do both. Do you have any idea how very rare that is? Original stories are on the verge of extinction in the world of horror films, although I cannot be the only hardcore Lovecraft fan who failed to catch the parallels between this film and HPL’s “The Lurking Fear.” Whether or not the similarity was intentional, I don’t know. I also don’t care. I AM still wondering though if the two major character names – Barlow and Glick – were a nod to Salem’s Lot. Not that it’s important. I just like catching little things like that.

And there’s a lot of little things like that to catch in this film. As soon as it was over, I backed it up and watched it again, scanning for all the subtle little clues I’d missed the first time around. I’m still finding them. It’s rare that I’ll watch a film repeatedly, but this is one I’m happy to now own as I will be watching it again. And again.

With the exception of Caspar Van Dien, I’ve never seen any of these people before. But they all turn in impressive performances, absorbing their roles completely. And why the hell isn’t Haley Hudson – who here plays a sweet, blind psychic girl – famous yet? She’s intensely gorgeous. In fact, everyone in this film is uniquely, startlingly beautiful in the most unconventional of ways. Against the stark, bleached out Polaroid beauty of the film, they stick out like sentient Van Goghs: slightly flawed, sharpened by sorrow, bright as hard candy.

If I have one gripe about the film, it’s the very end. It felt tacked on and forced and did not flow with the rest of the film. But if you stop the disc on the last fadeout of Annie’s face and pretend it ends there, this movie is warped perfection. Intriguing, beautiful and scary as hell.

DVD Review: Midnight Son

Review by Annie Riordan

I gotta be honest: I am sick to fucking death of vampire films. There was a time when the vampire film was my absolute favorite sub-genre of horror. But that was back in Ye Olde Days when men were men, women were women and vampires were butt-ugly parasitic ghouls who did not sparkle, were not pretty and did not dress like extras in a Cradle Of Filth video. Salem’s Lot, Nosferatu, Subspecies…now THOSE were vampires: disgusting, unrepentant, disease-ridden. Fuck Twilight. AND Anita Blake. Shit, fuck Lestat too. I don’t want pretty, poetry spouting underwear models with fangs, and I sure as shit don’t want the epitome of plague characterized as the ultimate in romance.

When I first saw the cover box for Midnight Son, I cringed, certain I was in for a Twilight-inspired teen soap opera sex-a-thon, where becoming a vampire is like winning the lottery, bestowing grace, beauty and full wardrobes from Hot Topic to the lucky immortal chosen few.

I was wrong.

Thank. God.

Jacob Gray isn’t going to be modeling for any romance novel covers anytime soon. As guys go, he’s pretty normal: he’s got a nice indie vibe going on with his floppy hair, pasty pallor and button down shirts. He has very pretty eyes. But he’s nothing special…at first glance, anyway. Eking out a meager existence as a night shift security guard in the heart of inner city L.A., Jacob is utterly alone and seems content to stay that way. However, a sudden surge of insatiable hunger – a hunger which cannot be satisfied despite the massive amounts of food Jacob inhales during a single sitting – drives him to the doctor. The diagnosis: malnutrition with a possible side serving of anemia, an explanation which makes no sense to either the doctor or Jacob. Frustrated, Jacob shrugs it off and returns to his existence as a nocturnal garbage disposal…until the night he decides to taste the puddle of blood left behind by a big fat steak.

Blood seems to be the answer, and the corner butcher shop has plenty to spare. Downing cow blood by the cupful is the only thing that quiets the unholy rumbling in Jacob’s belly. Feeling much improved, life is looking up for Jacob and he even meets a pretty girl hawking smokes and candy outside of a techno joint late one night. Granted, Mary is probably not the best girl to get involved with: she’s got issues for damn sure, not the least of which is a hefty coke habit. But she’s pretty, and willing and all but rapes Jacob on his couch during their first date. Score!

But Mary’s rotting sinus tissues pick that moment to disintegrate. Her nose ruptures, Jacob gets his first taste of living blood, and shit gets really real really quickly. Soon, he’s as much of a junkie as Mary, scoring fresh blood from a corrupt hospital med tech and watching himself evolve into a full blown fiend, incapable of controlling his own violent impulses. He can’t help it, doesn’t like it and doesn’t know how to stop it. And when he realizes, too late, that he is capable of infecting others with his affliction, any control he once had over the situation is ripped away and gone forever.

Midnight Son is apocalyptically gorgeous: bleak, nihilistic, hopeless and irreversibly damaged. Jacob may not be a verminous creature, but neither is he a stately courtesan. He’s tragically normal and painfully human, and never more so than when he realizes that he isn’t. No slouch either is Maya Parish, who I mistook for Sarah Wayne Callies at first, second and third glance. She’s smoking hot and has cute underwear, but she also looks like she hasn’t slept in 30 years and never washes off the last application of eyeliner before applying the next. She’s haggard and grungy and I bet she smells like menthols and slightly skunky perfume. In other words, she nails it.

Oh, and Larry Cedar is in this movie! Do you guys even know how happy that makes me? I love Larry Cedar! What the fuck do you mean “Who the hell is Larry Cedar?” You people sicken me. Got to get these muthafuckin’ men off the wing of this muthafuckin’ plane.

But back to the movie itself. It’s familiar, almost classic in its story, but still unlike any other vampire movie you’ve ever seen. And you need to see this one, if you haven’t already. Period, end of story.

Book Review: Annul Domini by Ingrid Pitt

Review by Keri O’Shea

Ingrid Pitt seemed to live several lives in her seventy-three years; with regards her career, she’s of course best known for her roles in classic horror cinema like Hammer’s Countess Dracula and The Wicker Man, but she was also an accomplished writer. Her ‘Bedside Companion for Vampire Lovers’ was no second-rate book trading off her name and pretty face – it was a well-researched, well-structured piece of non-fiction. And, judging by the evidence of Annul Domini: The Jesus Factor, Ms. Pitt was equally adept at writing novels. The only sadness about this is that it comes to us posthumously.

In terms of scope, Ms. Pitt grapples with some hefty historical and philosophical perspectives here; rather than horror (although certain horrors come to the fore during the book’s course) what we are dealing with here is the potential ramifications of time travel. Specifically; what if you could deliberately alter the course of significant past events? In the alternate universe of Annul Domini, we’re invited to consider this. The idea of altering the past to effect changes in the present is an imaginative boon for writers, but it can all get out of hand so easily. In a lesser grasp, this non-linear story could have collapsed under its own weight – but it does not, and although on first glance the topic didn’t seem to be one I’d enjoy reading, I was gripped by it.

We start with what appears to be a personality crisis: Robin Firth awakes to find he isn’t…himself, anymore. He’s sharing a body and a mind with a village idiot called Haddaq, and trying to wrest control from the madman. Oh, and he’s no longer in modern-day Britain, but in the Middle East, around two thousand years before the time Robin was born. Gradually, his story is revealed. The modern world to which Robin belongs has been riven with political extremism and religious totalitarianism – to the extent that, using a technological process, Robin has sent his ‘self’ back two millennia, to try and influence the story of Jesus Christ. The story is split between different points in time and different characters, as various outcomes play out in the present. However, it is what Pitt does with the very familiar story of Jesus – or, what we consider the story – which is really engaging, and actually very brave.

I am not a religious person, but I am familiar with stories of Christ’s life and death, to the point that the finer details are not something to which I’ve given much thought. Utilising the sizeable gaps in what the Bible has to say and playing with what even many self-professed Christians take for granted, Pitt develops an intriguing spin on the characters which are so well-known, but so weakly-delineated. The chief result of this is that Pitt invigorates and humanises these people. Being bold with physical description is a large part of this – giving the main players ages, appearances, height and weight, touch, taste, even ailments, makes them believable as men and women. Allowing space to think about their motivations is also important here. She spins an ingenious web around them of supporting characters, even inventing new apostles as a way of demonstrating that what gets left in and what gets left out of stories has its importance.

There is some nicely-handled prose, with elements of black humour woven throughout and a good balance between description and descriptive economy. You get the impression throughout Annul Domini that Ingrid Pitt knew a great deal about the history of the Middle East, thanks the the ease of the discussions of politics and society of the time. The potential chink in the armour for me was always going to be the science fiction parts, which provide the possibility for action to be taken in the past. Baffling or unbelievable science can always trip up an otherwise solid story – can even be laughable, which you definitely don’t want in a story like this, black humour in some of its aspects or not. Here, there were moments where I began to feel incredulous, but luckily, lengthy descriptions of the time-travel process usually give way to more philosophical points permitted by the premise, rather than getting too bogged down in the sci-fi aspects. The book never gets too preachy, too prescriptive, or too technical.

Conceiving a world which could have been alongside worlds which might have resulted, Ingrid Pitt has crafted a compelling, thoughtful novel, making bold decisions and playing fast and loose with established dogma to create something new. I’m not sure whether the devout would be mortified or intrigued by what she’s done; for my part, and within the context of the story, it’s just very interesting to consider her ideas. Ultimately, the thread which runs through the novel is of the huge importance of mythologies, and Pitt does a fine job of making this very point.

The book itself is a neat volume with a colour cover, nicely laid out with clear font and font size. There is a foreword from Ingrid Pitt’s husband Tony Rudlin – the man who rediscovered all of these unpublished manuscripts after her death – followed by thirty-eight chapters and an epilogue. If you are curious to see what the legendary horror icon could do with her creative abilities, then this is a fine place to start looking.

www.avalardpublishing.com

 

DVD Review: Some Guy Who Kills People

Review by Annie Riordan

The severe psychological scars inflicted upon us by the bullies who made our K through 12 lives a living hell have inspired some of the best horror films ever made: Carrie, Let The Right One In, Ginger Snaps, etc. The success of these films really isn’t difficult to fathom. We’ve all been bullied at some point during our lives. Even I, the incredibly cool Annie Riordan, was the victim of some pretty mean girl bullies during my educational incarceration. And honest to god Stephanie and LeAnna, if I ever see one of you fish-lipped, pug-nosed bitches again, I will shove that volleyball that you lobbed at my face so far up your tight little hoochie asses… well, you get the idea. I can’t really exact bloody revenge on either Stephanie or LeAnna, so I content myself with graphically violent fantasies involving them both stripped naked and covered with fire ants, and live vicariously through revenge films such as this one.

Kenny Boyd leads a stunningly pointless existence, living with his sour, ciggaretty mom (Karen Black, who is starting to resemble a softly browning apple core) and eking out a living slinging ice cream at the local parlor following his release from the loony bin after an aborted suicide attempt. High school was difficult for Kenny. He really wanted to be a cool jock and join the basketball team but his hoop skills just weren’t up to par, a fact that the assholes who DID make the cut never let him forget and which eventually led to an ugly incident which broke Kenny’s spirit past the point of repair. Kenny is little better than a hollowed-out shell of a man at the age of 34, shuffling from home to work and back again, barely speaking more than two words to anyone during the course of a single day. There are several thousand Romero zombies with more personality and ambition than Kenny Boyd.

But then suddenly, two women enter Kenny’s life. One is a hot English blonde with an ego almost as wounded as Kenny’s. She’s also played by Lucy Davis from Shaun of the Dead, SCORE! The other is an eleven year old girl named Amy who looks exactly like Kenny. As a matter of fact, she’s his daughter, the result of a one-time fling between him and some girl he dated for, like, a week. Kenny would just as soon keep his distance from both girls, assuming he’s truly such a loser that he couldn’t possibly make any positive impact on their lives. But Amy wants her real dad, not the goony Jesus-freak yabbo that her mom ended up marrying, so she moves in with Kenny and Grandma Ruth, uninvited, for a week. Just to test things out, you know?

Turns out she picked a bad week for her visit, though. There’s been a string of grisly murders in the small town where Kenny lives, brutal slayings that have Sheriff Barry Bostwick (aka Brad “Asshole” Majors) and his pun-cracking deputy stumped. All the men killed turn out to be the same douchebag jackholes that tormented Kenny in high school. Kenny himself had both motive and opportunity to commit the murders. The Sheriff is banging Kenny’s mom, which doesn’t really have anything to do with anything, but just produces a really icky mental image, amiright? Anyway, as the cops close in on Kenny, Kenny closes in on himself, forced into choosing between his comfortable, established routine of unemotional solitude or a future with his daughter and his new girlfriend.

It’s impossible not to like this movie. I haven’t talked to anyone yet who did not like this movie. Usually, when everyone likes a movie, I am determined to NOT like it. But goddamn it, this movie is just so fucking likeable! It’s cute. It’s sweet. It’s fucking adorable. I could sleep with it under my pillow, it’s so goddamned awesome. A pallet load of lollipops and teddy bears couldn’t possibly be cuter or more huggable than this movie. And yet, you won’t gag on the sugary aftertaste. Its cuteness isn’t terminal or glittery. It’s sprinkled with Greek sailor worthy profanity and geysering gore, poignant without being maudlin and not terribly unlike the mismatched sundae that Amy dishes up for her dad: full of contrasting flavors that shouldn’t work together but do anyway, defying all of the established laws of physics.

Kevin Corrigan as Kenny…dude. I dare you not to fall in love with him. It’s im-fucking-possible. Girls cannot resist the vulnerability in those puppy dog eyes; guys will develop mighty man-crushes on his totally normal and accessible guyness. Kenny is the guy that every guy thinks he is but whose simple cool Guy-ity few can achieve. If Corrigan had been any less loveable, he might have had the film swiped out from under him by Barry Bostwick, who channels both the late great Andy Griffith and Clu Gulager into his existential-art-loving, pop-song-singing, Karen-Black banging, dipshitty Sheriff Fuller. Had his role been played by anyone other than him, I might have mourned the moments when the film shifted from Kenny to Fuller. However, this film never lags or lets down. It twists and turns, leads astray, slingshots dialogue, channels a little Abbot & Costello, pops some bennies and dances naked in your living room, and then suddenly, out of freaking nowhere, pauses to take a breath and delivers Shakespearean moments of tragic beauty that have no seeming business in such a film, but which somehow fit perfectly into the mix regardless.

I’m lucky. I got a screener for this flick and I’m not giving it back. However, it’s a disc I would definitely have bought at full price and the hell with my dismal budget. It’s worth every penny.

Comic Review: Oh God, My Eyes! Ultra Gash Inferno by Suehiro Maruo

Review by Comix

Have you ever thought to yourself, ‘I wonder what the Japanese equivalent of A Serbian Film is?’ Well wonder no more, my friends, because your fearless comic reviewer has braved the wilderness of the bizarre and grotesque to bring you a comic work of unbridled fucked-uppiness called Ultra-Gash Inferno. I’m going to level with you here, I’ve read a LOT of comics, especially horror comics. I’ve delved deep into the illustrated word, constantly looking for that next good comic and the next good scare. Ultra-Gash Inferno is by far the most messed up comic that I’ve ever read. Remember how people said that A Serbian Film was not a movie, because it was not made to entertain you? Well this book does not entertain. It just messes your head up.

Ultra-Gash Inferno is a collection of nine short comics illustrated by Suehiro Maruo, the current heavy-weight champ of horror comics in Japan. All the stories are set in post WWII Japan after the US occupation, and all play around the idea of Japan re-building its country and beliefs from pre- to post-war ideals. Soldiers coming home and losing their shit, a woman and a kid ferreting a dead child back and forth, and food survival after the war are just some of the happy, go-go tales you will read. There’s even the quintessential schoolgirls who get messed up beyond sanity. Exquisitely drawn and finely detailed, these short stories will remain with you for a long time.

The artist and writer, Suehiro Maruo, is one of the greats of Japanese horror. His comic work had become iconic with a horror phenomenon known as erotic-grotesque or simply, ero-guro. He has inspired an entire generation of horror artists to break away from conventional horror and go straight BANANAS on the paper. All that messed up, underground Japanese art you’re too afraid to look at? He helped make that happen. But don’t mistake all his art with the demented crap you find accidentally online; his work has great balance of horror and sympathy that a lot of those comics, though trying to copy, are missing. He isn’t in it just for the shock value (which it has) but to remind you that, at the core of us all, a monster hides so deep down that only the horrors of war and trauma could possibly bring it out. Ultra-Gash Inferno is that straight brick to the head that says that someone, somewhere has faced those demons down.

The art of Ultra-Gash Inferno, hell, the art of Maruo himself is so completely detailed and beautiful that you sometimes forget you’re reading a horror comic. He delves deeply into old style muzan-e art (old Japanese block prints that depict violence and horror) and applies this careful detail to freaks, oddities, and torture scenes from more modern times. Each page is a panorama of fear and destruction in full artistic precision so you don’t miss a single cut, fabric wrinkle, or cry of shock from the characters. I love his art: I think it’s the one of the most amazing examples of modern horror art that doesn’t get a lot of recognition this side of the ocean. Even if you don’t care for comics but like good artwork, check this noise out. It’ll blow you away.

Ultra-Gash Inferno is one of only two books of Suehiro Maruo’s work that has gotten translated into English. The other is Mr. Arashi’s Amazing Freakshow, which follows the story of a girl working in a circus who has to deal with the monstrous jealousies of her fellow workers. Both of the works are near impossible to find in stores, but Amazon has both pretty regularly in stock. Ultra-Gash Inferno is the cheaper one available right now, going for under $20 online. Now, rumor has it that there’s going to be another comic translated sometime soon called The Strange Tale of Panorama Island, but it keeps getting pushed back, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. Either way, go pick up this comic and add it to the collection. Just make sure the family doesn’t see this one.

 

DVD Review: Airborne

Review by Keri O’Shea

Ah, Mark ‘Luke Skywalker’ Hamill. From “a galaxy far far away” to a busy career doing voiceovers for games and kids’ TV, one might wonder what it was about the Airborne project which drew you back to the movies – and definitely to the horror genre – for the first time in such a long time. Sure, there is much to commend the ‘flight in peril’ genre; from snakes to gremlins to zombies to, err, ice queens, film and TV fans have learned that anything which can go wrong, will go wrong when you’re in the air. However, it pays to focus. Snakes on a Plane wouldn’t have had its edge if there had been lots of other threats to compete with the snakes. If the infamous Twilight Zone, Shatner-bothering boggart of ‘Nightmare at 20,000 Feet’ hadn’t even been noticed because something else had been going on in the cabin, he’d have been feeling pretty red-faced, sat out there on the wing like a complete dick. This is the major issue I had with Airborne: a film so far from content with one threat, it decided that it would cram in as many as possible, and in so doing, dissipated them all.

The film opens just prior to a red-eye flight from the UK to New York, Atlantic flight 686 (and, incidentally, haven’t I seen that poster somewhere before?)


This being good old Blighty, even a largely deserted flight must surely have a few ‘ard Cockney bastards calling people ‘slags’ and telling them to ‘sort it aht’ and so on. Seriously, I’ve lived in the UK all my life, and I’ve only ever encountered these people in two places: in movies, and gurning out of the back of endless books on The Krays. Anyway, all the major social groups of the British Isles are shown boarding the flight: gangsters, squaddies, a vicar, and some tarts, as well as a handful of others. Oh, and a man with some occult-looking etchings on a pad of A4. In what definitely is an accurate depiction of a British phenomenon, however, a massive storm is threatening to stop all remaining flights for the night. The big star Mark Hamill is actually a flight controller (and thus this is a cameo role, really) and he finally makes a judgement call that the flight can go ahead, despite the weather. A handful of people therefore prepare for take-off.

So far, then, we have: a volatile group of travellers, extremely adverse weather conditions, and a man with some rather curious sketches in his hands. Quickly added to this broiling-pot is the knowledge that there is Something Rare in the hold with them – a Chinese vase. Oh, and it looks as though there’s a killer on the loose, because even the scant number of travellers are being offed. One man with a sensitivity to knowing which direction the plane is heading says the plane isn’t going to New York. And are the flight attendants all that they seem?

Too many questions, too many possibilities for where all of this is going – and in trying to tie everything together, Airborne feels horribly rushed. All of these disparate threads, which of course have to be enunciated by a very small number of characters, mean that some of the characters don’t feel believable at all. It isn’t true of all of them; Simon Philips as Alan has some warmth to him, and when the dialogue has enough time to blossom, it humanises and improves the impression made by the key players here. Airborne does have some sequences which can boast wit and humour. What made it very difficult for me to feel won over by the motley crew here, though, was the early introduction to yet another gang of cockney gangsters spouting the same old platitudes, and – sorry to say this, as it is a very personal reaction – but the arrival of hard-man Brit actor Billy Murray on the scene filled me with dread. I’ve only just recovered from Strippers vs. Werewolves, for pity’s sake. I’m not ready. Add to all of this a significant number of logic fails – because yes, even fantastical situations would be expected to follow some rules – and inexplicable plot development, and Airborne cracks under the weight of its own storylines. A small cast and a confined space needs careful handling. Although there is some promise here (the outside shots of the plane are good, the musical score is weighty and polished) sometimes the old saying that ‘less is more’ rings very true.

Airborne is released to DVD by Chelsea Films on 30th July 2012.

DVD Review: Vamperifica (2011)

Review by Keri O’Shea
I have to start this review with a bit of a mea culpa: I went into watching this screener with low expectations. I don’t pretend it’s fair of me, but then I cannot watch films in a vacuum, and I’ve got a lot of issues with the current state of play of our old friend, the vampire. Much as getting on the Twilight-loathing bandwagon is a horrible cliché, I think it marked a new point of cynicism for me: were the blood-drinking parasites of legend going to wind up just like us, only paler and even more socially awkward? I didn’t want it to be true. So perhaps it was a mix of morbid curiosity and masochism which drew me to choose to review Vamperifica, but regardless of that – I found this horror-comedy worked rather well. Yes, it does a few things which made me wince, but all in all Vamperifica is ambitious and fun.

If you hadn’t seen the trailer beforehand and worked out that there was more to come, you might find yourself wondering if you were about to get an Interview with the Vampire-style period piece, judging from the opening scenes and narration here. A voiceover explains to us that vampires were once a persecuted group, finally brought forth from their darkness by a leader, Raven. Raven’s death at the hands of a pesky priest stripped the unity out of the community, but, as Raven died, he prophesied that he would be reincarnated as a human. The vampires – especially his faithful Emily (Bonnie Swencionis) – have waited for two hundred years, but now the soul of their master is back. He will be found, turned back into a vampire, and restored as King! What could be simpler?

Yeah. Films like this always beg that particular question, because there are always plenty of reasons why the ‘chosen one’ doesn’t quite fit the bill. In this case, the legend didn’t bank on the fact of Carmen (Martin Yurkovic, who also wrote the story). Now, where do we start with Carmen?

Well, any nascent leadership abilities are being very well hidden, that’s for sure. Carmen doesn’t work, and confesses himself that he isn’t good at holding down the jobs he does get. He’d love to be an actor, and dreams of performing on stage, but no one will let him, because he’s terrible. He’s as camp as a row of tents, acerbic, snide, funny, and at his happiest in the company of his lifelong friends, Tracey (Dreama Walker) and Peter (Jeff Ward). So, when Emily and one of the other vampires, Campbell (Creighton James) try to convince him of his destiny, he isn’t very amenable to their message. Bitch, please. Still, after waiting for two hundred years, Emily and Campbell aren’t prepared to just give up. Perhaps there is something to this whole ‘fate’ thing. Thing is, Carmen is devotedly, exasperatingly attached to his old life – and to his friends, who are all he’s ever had. How to square the two?

This might all sound too vaguely familiar for the liking of many, I realise that: we’ve certainly seen vampires participating in the twentysomething sphere of college and suburbia, with all its friendship and relationship dramas refracted through sassy one-liners. In fact, Buffy the Vampire Slayer might be leaping to mind right now, and there’s lot of that Buffy vibe in Vamperifica. The filmmakers acknowledge that enough to give Buffy a mention in the script, mind you, so there’s definitely self-awareness here. Where Vamperifica really comes into its own, though, is in the believability of the friendships on offer, particularly between Carmen and Tracey, a pair of outcasts who take a delight in being mean to people who have hurt them in the past. Their conversation is fun to listen to and their laughter feels genuine, which makes a big difference in how this film carries across. Hell, they even seemed nice in a flashback to when they were kids! They’re an endearing pair – as long as you’re not on the receiving end of their commentary, anyway. Their friend Peter is very close to them too, and his supporting role comes more to the fore as the plot progresses, even opening the way perhaps for another instalment…

Of course, at the crux of all this is Carmen himself, how he deals with his new calling, and how much he’s able to continue relating to his friends – if at all. It’s probably still quite unusual to have a male lead who’s completely uninterested in such perks of vampirism as heaving bosoms and femmes fatales, but it’s refreshing. In a worst case scenario, the inclusion of such a flamboyant character would be to make a stooge of him – but happily, that isn’t the case. (The only time his sexuality figures whatsoever, actually, is when Emily confidently asserts that she’ll win him over to their cause by seducing him, which doesn’t go so well.)

Carmen is an engaging character to watch as he co-mingles his viciousness with cattiness, and a lot of the jokes in here are so lowest-common-denominator that you laugh in spite of yourself (see top), but it’s not all wisecracks. One of the nicest things about the movie is that it can be quite touching in places, and mixes its treatment of issues like empathy, trust and loyalty with its comedic sequences without the seams between the two showing too much. I don’t mean to imply that this is a serious and moving treatise on human friendships – it isn’t (see top again) – but there are elements of that present, which flesh out the plot rather well. And, if you don’t want to take any of that on board, the jokes are funny. Deeply silly, but funny.

At times this tendency towards ‘silly’ starts to push a little bit too far into the absurd for me though; that is one of the main weaknesses of Vamperifica. If you are watching this and aren’t convinced that the jokes are landing, someone bursting into song may well push you over the edge, especially when you remember that the plot also encompasses (and spends very little time worrying about) a serious crime against one of its characters. With these two examples in mind, it is possible to see how extremes in either direction can put a film on tenuous ground. However, the centre does hold: again, the characters have enough about them to maintain our interest, and the film has enough strengths to overshadow its weaknesses.

Twee in some places, sure, but Vamperifica is an entertaining spin on some very familiar themes. As a return to the business for director Bruce Ornstein for the first time since 1992, and as a project which comes very early in the career of writer/star Martin Yurkovic, I’d say there’s plenty of promise here. Films can be self aware without being jaded – and as a reviewer, it’s always nice to be pleasantly surprised.

Vamperifica is out on Region 2 DVD, Blu-Ray and 3D Blu-Ray on 20th August, from Los Banditos Films, and Region 1 on 1st August from Ascot Elite Home Entertainment.

“I Know I’m Human”: Celebrating 30 Years of John Carpenter’s The Thing

By Keri O’Shea

For cinema-goers way back in 1982, it was definitely the year of the alien. An alien, stranded on this planet, who approaches, observes and begins to mimic a group of humans…however I’m talking not about a horror, but about E.T., a film whose feelgood message and benign central entity captured the hearts (and dollars) of movie fans during the summer months. It was the year of the alien alright, but E.T. was about as far from the hostile critters who had previously come to represent all things Other in commie-paranoia sci-fi as it was possible to get. Perhaps people had just grown sick of the unrelenting metaphor of space aliens as symbols of insidious threat; maybe, when you consider that the Cold War had just kicked up a gear with the arrival of Reagan in office, people wanted a fluffy message of hope, not portents of doom. Or maybe people plain weren’t ready for The Thing, John Carpenter’s game-changing sci-fi horror, when it was released close on the heels of E.T. on June 25th, 1982. The Thing is, after all, a film with the nastiest extraterrestrial, the least hope, a film of isolation, breakdown and paranoia. Esteemed film critic Roger Ebert dismissed the film as “disappointing”, although begrudgingly granting it the accolade of being “a great barf-bag movie” – and, sadly, punters seemed to agree with him: the film bombed at the box office.

Sometimes, however, the best films take a while to find their audiences. Thankfully, The Thing appeared at the time when it had become possible to revisit movies via the magic of home video,  and so, slowly, steadily, people found their way to it. In the intervening years since its release, its reputation has grown and grown. It hasn’t just garnered respect, it has become one of the most beloved genre films of all time, and – for this writer at least – it is the best film in my collection. Bar none. We may live in the age of CGI sophistry and multi million dollar budgets, but The Thing has never been surpassed. It retains the power to engage, scare and repulse.

As a kid, John Carpenter was (as you might expect) a big film fan, and there was a sci-fi movie which he really enjoyed by the name of The Thing From Another World (1951), an interesting adaptation of the novella ‘Who Goes There?’ by John Wood Campbell Jr. In later years, Carpenter got to read the novella itself: in so doing, he realised the scope of the story, and – as enjoyable as the 1951 movie was – could see a lot of potential to craft a film closer in spirit to ‘Who Goes There?’ The Thing From Another World does have some elements in common with the later film, but it’s also interesting to see what they do differently. For instance, amongst the group stationed at the North Pole in ’51 are two women, and not only that, but women are explicitly missed and mentioned from the get-go. The sense of camaraderie is more obvious, too, and although there’s something of a division between science and military on how to deal with their little visitor, there’s only a little of the in-fighting and group breakdown which characterises The Thing. There are military protocols to follow, rules and regulations which people by and large seem happy to observe. But the biggest difference is surely with the creature itself: back in ’51, we were presented with a super-intelligent strain of plant life, a creature made of vegetable matter rather uncharitably referred to by one of the party as a “super carrot”. It reproduces asexually, and requires humans simply as foodstuffs. It doesn’t want to be them; it wants to feed on them.

Roll forward thirty years to ’82, and to Carpenter’s movie. Shot partly at the (refrigerated) Universal Studios and partly in Canada, the sense of cold and desolation is greatly enhanced, the isolation more complete, the paranoia of the novella more faithfully reproduced. The only remotely female presence we have here is over and done with in the opening scenes, when MacReady dumps his glass of Jim Beam over the ‘cheating bitch’ of a chess programme. And, in this all-male environment, things are a tad problematic even before anything out of the ordinary happens. The sense of order and hierarchy isn’t so clear. The men aggravate each other, seem dissatisfied with their pastimes, and squabble. They can and do show a united front on several occasions, of course, but one of the many strengths of this film is that the men continually try to sound one another out. Their relationships simply aren’t straightforward. I’ve read criticism of this film which says that there are no real characters here, and I couldn’t disagree more. For me, the fact that the men don’t talk about their back stories and don’t give all of their motivations away makes them the more plausible. Although Garry says he’s known Bennings for a long time, we’ve no other reason to suppose that this is a group of friends. These are people who have been thrown together in a remote location, whatever work they’re meant to be doing seems  in short supply, and they understandably have issues with that.

And then, inexplicably, a dog arrives at the base…

The singular weirdness of this event is quite something. They’re literally in the middle of nowhere, seeing and speaking to no one else, and then this creature arrives – pursued by Norwegians, who are locked in their own language and unable to explain just what the fuck they’re doing. Why would someone go to all the trouble of chasing and shooting at a dumb animal, anyway? Richard Masur, who played the group’s dog-handler, Clark, referred to Jed, the wolf husky who featured in the film, as a “spooky dog”: being half-wolf according to Mastur, Jed never barked or growled but, if he became uneasy, would just…stare. The stare was a good sign to back off for a while. It’s put to good use during the film, and what it means changes between the very first viewing and subsequent ones. At first, you might or might not suspect the extent to which all is not as it seems. Repeat viewings allow you to add to your understanding of what’s going on, notice when the dog is watching the group, notice where he goes…so our sense of alarm is piqued by the time MacReady takes a team up to the Norwegian base to try and find out what happened, and we’re primed for worse things by the tangle of smoking limbs tantalisingly framing the bottom of the shot, when MacReady’s men find something inhuman there…

It’s about at this point in the film that my blood starts to curdle and doesn’t stop. The impact of the creature FX used in this film is just unprecedented, and it gets to me, every single time. After all, the premise of a creature with the ability to break down both mind and body, something it’s been doing through time and space, absolutely requires something special. It got just that, at the hands of artist Rob Bottin (with sterling support from Stan Winston, primarily in the kennel scene). But how do you design a creature which is everything it’s ever replicated? Bottin had no idea how to go from the storyboards to the effects themselves, and to do so took some serious pioneer spirit. This ingenuity has meant that the FX has, for me, stood the test of time. The way that the flesh looks as it transforms, or rips apart, or gets autopsied – all twisting, steaming and glistening (with the help of an industrial amount of KY Jelly, might I add) – is still a shock to observe. CGI is improving massively, but it still always looks too clean, too tidy, too…unreal. As fantastical as the Thing looks, it’s right there in the room with the men, and it’s a genuine threat. When Palmer says, ‘You’ve gotta be fucking kidding!’ as the detached head of what-was-once-Norris gets itself some legs and antennae, you believe in his shock and exasperation. You might even share in it. To achieve all of this, Bottin did things like experimenting with melted plastic and bubble gum for the neck-stretch and head separation of Thing-Norris, and using an industrial accident survivor who had lost his arms to substitute for Dr. Copper in the infamous defibrilation sequence (a sequence which took ten hours to set up). Bottin spent over a year living at Universal Studios with no time off to get the results we see, and was even hospitalised at the end of shooting. But, he’d more than fulfilled Carpenter’s edict that his creature be more than just ‘a guy in a suit’.

Truly good films have the resilience to leave questions unanswered, and The Thing has several factors which are open to debate and interpretation. In researching this article, I’ve stumbled across many of these, and the enthusiasm with which people are still putting their cases speaks volumes about the regard for the film which is still held. For my part, I wonder about the fallibility of the Thing. It gets detected because it fucks up from time to time – attempting to assimilate creatures which can bark and raise the alarm, or revealing what it is in front of the whole group. Evidently, the Norwegians detected it too. Why is it being so hasty? Does it have to be so quick to replicate for any other reason than just wanting to? Also, when it imitates a creature, does anything of the original remain within the Thing? Norris, after he has been infected, turns down the chance to head up the group; is this because the ‘real’ Norris has no idea he’s been replicated and doesn’t feel well enough to do it, or because only the Thing is in there by this stage, and wants to keep a low profile?  There are all sorts of questions of consciousness to ponder, as well as more material issues. Where is Blair planning to take his homemade spaceship? And then, of course, there’s the ending of the movie. Wondering who, if anyone, is infected, and what could happen beyond the end credits, still really divides (and engages) fans.

Actually, an alternate ending was proposed by Carpenter. In this version, MacReady does get rescued; a blood test reveals that he is uninfected, and so the Thing has been vanquished, humanity saved. However, on reflection, Carpenter decided that to sanitise the film’s ending was to weaken it, and I’m inclined to agree. What we have with the original film ending is one of the most understated, poignant and – let’s face it – deeply ambiguous closing scenes in film history. We might suspect that both men are uninfected – MacReady because he has just torched the creature, Childs because he’s still wearing an earring, and the Thing seems unable to replicate inorganic matter – but issues remain. After all, the Norwegians had torched the Thing, and it revived. We’re shown rogue infected drops of blood earlier on in the movie, and we don’t see what happen to them. Our surviving characters are trapped between a rock and a hard place, then – even if uninfected, they have no means of escape and no way to keep warm. They will die. If they become infected,  or if they already are infected somehow, the Thing can sleep in the cold until the rescue party arrives. Both men have known it’s the end of the line for them for some time, and so MacReady’s closing line is just gallows humour maybe, but perhaps he does think there’s something more to come. As for us, we never find out. The screen fades to black, and we’re denied full closure – but that denial has helped to keep the film alive, for thirty years so far. Perhaps, like MacReady, we’re still waiting to “see what happens”. Rolling the credits at that point was a brave thing to do, and absolutely the best thing to do.

Few horror or sci-fi movies of the last three decades enjoy a reputation as strong as The Thing does today. Its ruminations on identity, humanity and selfhood, all wrapped up in a grisly parcel of joy, make it one of the finest films ever to frighten and appal us. I hope you’ll join me in wishing The Thing a very happy 30th birthday, and recognising the huge debt we owe to John Carpenter, Rob Bottin and the rest of the team. This movie set the bar incredibly high, and in so doing it changed horror forever. For that, we’re truly grateful.

Review: Prometheus

Review by Stephanie Scaife

Mild spoilers ahead.

I was fairly reluctant to get on board with Prometheus when I first read that Ridley Scott was returning to the world of Alien, because – let’s face it – the franchise had long run out of steam and Scott hasn’t made a decent film since, well, Blade Runner, and that was 30 years ago (I guess Thelma & Louise and Gladiator were okay, but still…) Also, what would it be about? A prequel? A sequel? Then news of the casting came to light, and the trailers and viral marketing campaign were all very appealing, meaning that very quickly I became very excited. Alien after all, is in my top ten of all time and for a moment there was a glimmer of hope that Scott could actually be on to something amazing. However, when I finally sat down to watch Prometheus it wasn’t what I had been expecting at all. It wasn’t necessarily bad per se, but it really didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.

Noomi Rapace stars as Elizabeth Shaw, an archaeologist with inexplicable religious faith who, along with her boyfriend Holloway (Logan Marshall-Smith), discovers a series of ancient cave paintings depicting the same constellation of stars. They interpret this as being a key to discovering the origins of life on earth, which if the opening scene is anything to go by started when some muscley bald dude drank some wriggling black goop and fell off a cliff into some water… Darwin who, eh? This is clearly much more feasible to Shaw and indeed the corporation willing to spend a trillion dollars on a space programme to find the constellation, some two years away from earth.

The crew of Prometheus slumber whilst android David (Michael Fassbender) maintains the ship. In what is perhaps the best scene of the film we see David as he monitors the crew, learns foreign languages, dyes his hair (not sure why an android would need to do this…) and watches his favourite film, Lawrence of Arabia whilst mimicking and basing his mannerisms on Peter O’Toole. Fassbender and his portrayal of David is perhaps solely responsible for about 90% of what is good about Prometheus. With echoes of Scott’s Blade Runner, David is very much like a replicant and he provides a reminder to the crew and the audience that we are human but he is not, and would it be possible for an android to be a sentient being with a soul and free will. David also provides increasing amounts of comic relief in an otherwise dour film; he is somewhat like a child in that his observations are often truthful but his delivery of them is not always tactful or welcome. In one pivotal scene David asks Holloway why humans had created androids such as himself, to which Holloway replies, “we made you because we could.” David responds with “imagine how disappointing it would be for you to hear the same thing from your creator.” Considering their entire mission hinges on the pursuit to find the origins of human life, to both Holloway and Shaw there has to be a more valid answer than that. But what David is saying is essentially the crux of the plot: where did we come from and why? But of course the truth of the matter is never going to be one that agrees with having faith in a creator or divine being; it will only ever serve to be a disappointment.

Part of the problem with the film is that there never really is any insight into why these so-called engineers may have created human life on earth or even if it was entirely intentional. Shaw’s unwavering faith is also irksome, especially as she’s supposed to be a credible scientist. Or even worse, was her quest to find the root of human existence motivated by her own inability to conceive and create life? You know, because all women desperately want to spawn and become slightly hysterical when they can’t.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t good things about Prometheus; it is a highly watchable but flawed spectacle. Visually it’s fantastic, and with a lesser cast the clunky dialogue would have completely overwhelmed the entire picture but they all do their best, even those there to provide little more than a body count. There are also a few great squishy slimy moments that did genuinely make my skin crawl, even if it isn’t as outright scary as Alien. Ultimately the success of Alien was that it was claustrophobic and it very much centred on the here and now, whereas Prometheus gets bogged down by asking too many big questions that ultimately never really get answered due to the lack of narrative focus and a muddled script.

Perhaps without such high expectations and the shadow of one of the best sci-fi horror films ever made looming over it Prometheus would have been a more enjoyable experience for me, but after a first viewing I was left disappointed. Even for a piece of genre filmmaking where it is often easy to let things go unexplained there were just too many monstrously gigantic plot holes and inexplicable character motivations to satisfy me. Undoubtedly it’s still one of the best big budget studio pictures of the summer, it’s just not what I was expecting or particularly wanted. Who knows, maybe it will improve over time with multiple viewings; after all, Blade Runner didn’t do so well commercially and critically upon release, and we all love that now…

Prometheus is currently on general release in the UK and arrives in US cinemas on 8 June.

Advance Review: Panic Button

Panic Button (2011)
Directed by: Chris Crow
Starring: Scarlett Alice Johnson, Jack Gordon, Michael Jibson, Elen Rhys
Review by: Nia Edwards-Behi

The horror genre has always been an effective arena for exploring the topical, and Panic Button is a film that does exactly that. Taking the tricky topic of social networking as its inspiration, this impressive low-budget thriller explores the more sinister possibilities of living online. Four strangers win a competition on social networking site All2Gethr that sees them boarding a swanky private jet taking them for a once in a lifetime trip to New York City. As they settle down to the in-flight entertainment – a game hosted by a CGI alligator – the group begins to realise the implications of their online actions, and the dark motivations of the people providing their luxury flight.

Most of Panic Button takes place in one location: the fancy private jet flying our cast of characters to NYC. Director Chris Crow, who made an impressive debut with twisted-slasher Devil’s Bridge, makes the most of the limited space, the claustrophobia mounting as the film ticks by. Luckily, the main cast of four more than withstand the gruelling close-ups and twisting narrative. Scarlett Alice Johnson makes for a strong lead as single mother Jo, while Elen Rhys is suitably wide-eyed as sweet girl Gwen. Jack Gordon’s Max is the most superficially likeable character, but it’s Michael Jibson who steals the show as Dave, the smartly-dressed but grossly laddish, irritating prick of a character that you’d definitely not want to be stuck on a plane with. He’s the kind of character whose demise you hope for, but for a change Dave’s an annoying character who is at least nuanced and intended to be that way. A large number of recent slasher films and survival films tend to be populated by unlikeable, two-dimensional characters. Although Panic Button’s unwitting victims are fairly obvious stereotypes, they’re at least likeable and well-developed. Even brilliantly-annoying Dave has his moments of sympathy. If not for this great sense of character, the film could easily have been a prosaic thriller.

Contributing to this is the tight script, the discussions about the clunky topic of social networking never coming across as anything but natural. It’s easy to treat a topic such as social networking, particularly when considering the more troubling side of the phenomenon, in an awkward way: the way social commentators might talk is entirely different to how every day users of networks like All2Gethr.com would talk about status updates and poking. Panic Button’s strong sense of character is what really keeps it together, as the narrative becomes increasingly twisty and verges on the over-blown – however, it never quite tips over that line into the realm of the unbelievable. The film is tense throughout, and the device of the creepy animated alligator character controlling events is surprisingly effective. It shouldn’t work, but it does, mostly thanks to Joshua Richards’ commanding, booming voice work. The melding of psychological horror with the topicality of the dark side of the internet is fairly seamless, matters such as cyber-bullying and voyeurism never seeming to be shoe-horned in for the sake of it. What’s key to this success is that the online actions of characters – from watching snuff videos to pretending to be someone they’re not – are never presented in a particularly sensationalist manner, and creepiest of all are the moments when you stop and think: ‘hey, I do that…’!

Panic Button is a breath of fresh air, a modern, original twist on a familiar narrative form. Keeping up an impressively tense atmosphere, this is a film that thrills as it makes you think. With upcoming festival screenings at FrightFest in August, and Abertoir in November (where you can also see director Chris Crow’s debut, Devil’s Bridge), Panic Button is home-grown horror worth seeking out.