Comic Review: Nail Biter #1

By Svetlana Fedotov

Of all the evil creatures to grace the human imagination, none is more feared than those closest to humanity’s irrationality: other people. While we safely assume that the people who pass us every day are just as sane and well-adjusted as us, we only have to turn on the TV to see horrid tales of child abusers, rapists, mass-shootings and of course, the serial killer. A remorse-less, well-planned murderer who is so ingrained into our world that even Ann Rule can get a best seller just by feeding off the hype. So it’s no surprise that comics would want to get into the murder business as well, most recently with Image’s chilling title, Nail Biter. A bit noir, a bit horror, all gruesome, this new series is not for the squeamish…or the paranoid.


The comic opens up with our main antagonist Edward Charles Warren aka Nail Biter as he is busted in by the cops, interrupting a very lovely meal made from the body parts of his victims. Cut to three years later. A lone detective sits on his bed with a gun to his head. As he’s about to pull the trigger, a phone call blasts through the room, shocking him back to reality. It’s his partner, a man still obsessed with Nail Biter slayings, and says he’s got some great information about the town where the killings happened. You see, dear reader, the town of Buckaroo, Oregon is known for its murderers; in fact, at least 16 other serial killers have originated from that town as well. The detective agrees to meet to him and sets out the next day, only to never hear from his partner again. He suddenly gets the feeling that something is odd in the town of Buckaroo and it’s not just the locals. As he and the local law enforcement begin hunting down his partner, strange things start coming out of the woods, things with a taste for human fingernails.

Following the success of such of such serial killer centered shows like Hannibal and Bates Motel (that’s still on right?), Nail Biter has picked a good time to be released to the masses. It definitely reads like it’s written with that audience in mind, which isn’t a bad thing. There’s a reason those shows work and though Nail Biters isn’t the most original thing I’ve read (though it is only the first issue), it works well enough that I want to see what happens. I’m definitely digging the whole “town of serial killers” angle, which could easily lead to some sort of demonic/ghost/Indian burial ground thing. The writer, Josh Williamson, has done work across the board, from kids comics to full blown horror, and seems certain to the push the limits with this new title. The writing flows naturally and he manages to give some good nods to serial killer fandom. The art of Mike Henderson blends well with the story, keeping muted colors and general air of bummery that is expected of such a heavy comic.

So, long story short, I recommend checking this out. If you liked se7en or Silence of the Lambs, or just like people murdering other people in fantastically gruesome way while the lead character looks like “he’s too old for this shit,” Nail Biter will be right up your alley.

DVD Review: Camp Dread (2014)

By Ben Bussey

When the trailer for Camp Dread came online a month or so back, I thought it looked like complete and total shit, been-there done-that microbudget slasher fare offering up absolutely nothing new – but even so, showing potential to be a bit of a laugh.

Guess what? I was right about the first part.

As I’m sure I’ve said before and will no doubt say again, there are few things less endearing than a horror movie which is nowhere near as smart, funny or unconventional as it thinks it is. As much as it might be pitched as an homage to the golden age of the 80s slasher, Camp Dread in fact harks right back to the shit-eating-grin days of the 90s, wherein filmmakers and actors felt the name of the game was flaunting their self-awareness and smirking about how above it all they were. Perhaps Camp Dread is intended to radiate love for the genre; perhaps that’s what writer-director Harrison Smith and co felt they were doing. But it’s put together in such a lifeless, witless, uninventive fashion that it seems to radiate nothing but contempt for horror audiences, horror cinema, and indeed cinema full stop.

The plot, so much as I can be bothered to rehash it, is as follows: Eric Roberts shows up playing, as usual, Eric Roberts, which means he’s a sleazy, manipulative, untrustworthy [insert chosen profession here]. In this instance, [insert chosen profession here] turns out to be a one-time hotshot film director, responsible for a slasher series called Summer Camp back in the 80s, and now struggling to get involved in the inevitable reboot (ooh, sort-of topical). And, as is always the case for Eric Roberts, he’s got a nefarious and thoroughly implausible scheme to relaunch himself to fortune and glory: he’s assembled a ragtag bunch of troubled teens, all of whom were bound for either rehab or jail, and brought them to a disused summer camp covered in strategically placed DV cameras to participate in what he tells them is a reality TV show. However, things are not quite they seem. Is the intention, in fact, to in some way use the footage as the basis for a new Summer Camp? Or is there a deeper, darker motive than this? Why do people keep disappearing? Is someone bumping them off? And why does Danielle Harris get second billing when hers is a two-scene cameo role amounting to maybe five minutes tops,  and the real female lead is Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp (see what they did there)? More to the point, does anyone give a flying fuck?

Okay – so it could be worse. Camp Dread isn’t a found footage film, which it quite easily could have been given the premise. But this reality TV horror angle… come on, Wrong Turn 2 was seven years ago now, and frankly the idea wasn’t that new or surprising even then. But while Joe Lynch’s backwoods slasher sequel certainly had its failings, it remembered at least to deliver certain key attributes: cool kills that happened on camera, decent nude scenes, and – not for nothing – volume, energy, and at least a dash of genuine unpredictability which more than made up for its formulaic nature and fairly low production value. Camp Dread doesn’t come close to any of this. It’s tedium writ large from start to finish, with a core ensemble of college-age kids who start out loathsome and unrelatable and don’t change. Worst crime of all, their death scenes are feeble in the extreme, most either occurring off-camera or boasting very poor make-up FX; guess all the budget went on messrs Roberts, Rose and Harris. And the one attempt at a sex scene is a fumbling half-cocked mess (heheh) with painfully obvious use of stunt boobs.

As I have also said before and will doubtless have cause to say again – there’s fun shit, and then there’s shit shit. Camp Dread is every inch the latter, and not worth wasting a milisecond of your time on.

Oh, and not that it makes too much difference given the quality of this particular clagnut in the buttock crevice of horror cinema history, but about that cover art below? They all stay in cabins, and to the best of my recollection we don’t see a single tent in the movie. Scratch up another victory for marketing people who really care about selling these movies correctly.

Camp Dread is available now on Region 2 DVD and is released to Region 2 DVD on 23 June 2014, from Image Entertainment.

Review: Wolf Creek 2 (2013)

Review by Stephanie Scaife

It’s been eight years since our introduction to Mick Turner (John Jarratt) in Greg McLean’s incredibly grim outback horror Wolf Creek, and now he’s back to unleash yet more xenophobic carnage on unsuspecting tourists. Being that the original was the highest grossing R18+ (equivalent to NC-17) movie in Australian history, it’s perhaps not all that shocking that we’ve been given a second outing; what is surprising, however, is that both Jarratt and McLean have returned for the sequel and that it’s actually rather good.

Wolf Creek was a very dark and disturbing film with relentless, realistic horror that proved to be a tough watch for even the most ardent horror fan, the undercurrent of black humour from Mick only adding to the general feeling of unease throughout. Those looking for a repeat of this experience experience may be slightly underwhelmed by number two, however, because what we get instead this time is an over the top comedy that follows the golden rules of the horror sequel by turning everything up to 11 – more extravagant deaths, more blood and more laughs. So as long as you are okay with that, then there is a lot to enjoy here and you won’t be disappointed.

The first film took an interesting approach by changing the point of view between the three protagonists as they are pursued and killed by the pig-hunting serial killer, and now the focus is switched solely to Mick as he hacks his way through various hitchhikers and pretty much anyone else who gets in his way. This offers a distinct tonal shift and you are not particularly encouraged to care about the victims; they are essentially there as cannon fodder to be sliced and diced through at great speed and with plenty of aplomb. This could also perhaps explain the lesser rating in Autralia (although it’ll undoubtedly still be an 18 in the UK). There are some traffic cops that decide to wind up the wrong guy, with decidedly amusing results that include a ridiculous slaughterfest and a sly nod to Babe with a well placed, “That’ll do, pig” from Mick; a couple of German hitchhikers that are quickly dispatched with; and finally “pommy bastard” Paul (Ryan Corr) who tries to win his captor over by displaying his knowledge of Australian history, in what is perhaps the funniest scene in the film. But that is essentially it and any real sense of plot has given way to simple carnage.

Wolf Creek 2 is essentially a series of set pieces that become increasingly more elaborate – notable mention needs to go to a high speed chase where some unfortunate kangaroos inadvertently get in the way and the subsequent marsupial massacre that unfolds. There is more blood, guts and inappropriate humour than you can shake a stick at and the whole thing is very tightly executed, despite losing the tension and horror of the first film, making this one of the stronger and most fun horror sequels that I’ve seen in some time. If you are looking for something to watch on a Friday night with your mates and a few beers then you could do a lot worse than this.

Already released in Australia, Wolf Creek 2 is currently available on VOD in the US before a limited theatrical release from May 16th – no UK release details have been announced yet to the best of our knowledge.

DVD Review: Bastards (Les Salauds) (2013)

Review by Tristan Bishop

Well, ‘Bastards’ is certainly an eye-catching English language title, isn’t it? It sounds, naturally, much more poetic in the original French (‘Les Salauds’). Director Claire Denis (probably best known to BAH readers for her 2001 film Trouble Every Day, which mixed blood and eroticism to devastating effect) is well-regarded in arthouse circles, and so, on hearing that she had made a revenge film I jumped at the chance to take a look. Oddly enough, the last film I checked out was the god awful Revenge For Jolly, which managed to take a simple vengeance plot and turn it into a near-unwatchable vanity project, so I was ready for what could only be an improvement.

We start powerfully with a shot of a young woman, naked bar heels (editor’s note – see, the picture above is relevant after all, shame on you for thinking otherwise), staggering senselessly through the streets, blood dribbling from between her legs. We eventually learn that this young woman is the niece of ex-sailor Marco (Vincent Lindon), who has gotten back in touch with his sister after he learns of the suicide of her husband. It transpires that the destruction of the family is linked to one of the creditors of the family business, Edouard (a creepy, cadaverous turn from veteran actor Michel Subor), and Marco vows to avenge his family. Taking a years’ sabbatical from his job, Marco moves into the same apartment as Edouard, and engineers an affair with Marco’s wife (Chiara Mastroianni) hoping to destroy his family in a similar way.

Denis’ film, it must be said, requires a bit of effort on the part of the viewer. This is not one of those films you can half watch whilst browsing the internet on your Smartphone (you know who you are). Quite apart from it obviously being in French with subtitles, there’s not actually all that much dialogue, as Denis’ strength is in showing rather than telling, and as a result, if you’re not actively reading what she’s giving you, then Les Salauds is likely to be a rather flat and confusing experience. But if you manage to either see it on a big screen, or hide your phone and laptop for the duration, then it’s just possible you might be seduced by the experience.

Top class cinematography, editing and a score by frequent collaborator Stuart A Staples (of Tindersticks) all perfectly compliment an intriguing narrative drive, expertly jumping back and forth in time as the plot unravels before us. Lindon makes for a compelling lead character too – looking like nothing less than a hangdog French everyman version of Mel Gibson, he is utterly convincing as a man obsessed with his revenge, and who is willing to use morally questionable tactics to achieve his aims. This in turn leads us to one of the most interesting aspects of the film – There’s a subtle moral unease at work here, which gives us no easy answer as to whether any of the actions in the film are justified. Characters that don’t deserve to be are punished, sometimes as an indirect result of Marco’s actions, and even those who have been severely damaged by Edouard don’t necessarily share Marco’s thirst for revenge, bringing some commendable complexity to a subgenre usually content to stick to the basics.

Speaking of genre, it would be difficult indeed to class this as a ‘horror’ film, or even a thriller, for that matter. Whilst the subject matter touches throughout on sexual exploitation it avoids graphic depictions, and those looking for rip-roaring violent vengeance are going to be slightly disappointed, but there is more real horror on show here than in a dozen Platinum Dunes productions, and by the time we come to the devastating conclusion (which stayed with this viewer for a good couple of days afterwards) there is little doubt that we have a revenge film here worthy of sitting alongside Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible as an example of how to put a fresh spin on a well-worn story.

Bastards is available now on Region 2 DVD from Artificial Eye.

Review: Stage Fright (2014)

Review by Dustin Hall

Magnet Releasing has a history of finding unique films that are different than anything else you’d find in the market. Stage Fright is much the same in that regard; a blend of horror, comedy, and music that we haven’t seen since Repo: The Genetic Opera. Stage Fright, however, ditches the sci-fi trappings and sticks to the familiar horror stomping grounds of the summer camp slasher.

Moving on from his much-loved (also musical) horror short The Legend of Beaver Dam, director Jerome Sable has taken up the role of auteur, also writing and creating all of the music for Stage Fright. His distinct comedy and music styles come across on the stage, and now simply wait for audiences of similar taste to discover them. The tone falls heavily into camp, irreverence, and a love of the absurd, all with just a dash of blood.

The story revolves around young Camilla (Allie MacDonald), who, after the murder of her opera singing mother (Minnie Driver) moves with her father (Meat Loaf, the one and only), to help run a summer camp for theater hopefuls. However, when Dad decides to put on a performance of the very musical that claimed Mom’s life, The Haunting of the Opera (is Phantom really not public domain at this point?), Camilla decides to try out for the lead, and finds that the same specter that killed her mom may be hunting her next. What ensues is, eventually, a string of unsolved murders as the cast are picked off one by one, mixed with a Glee-like number of lighthearted, choreographed song and dance numbers on behalf of the musical student body.

Stage Fright is a decent little horror-oddity, and gauging the screening reactions out there, it will find an audience, but it might not be the film that many people are looking for. The opening shows a lot of promise, reminiscent of Argento’s Opera. It uses the Opera as a backdrop for the initial grisly murder, juxtaposing the slashing and screaming with the lighthearted singing of young Camilla as she plays on stage. From this sequence, one could see how a director could honestly make a very interesting, dramatic, horror rock opera that sings and croons its way through each bloody murder, all the while delving into a Black Swan-style mental collapse, as Camilla struggles with reliving the murder of her mother in her own adult life, her onstage performance mirroring the past, and all tangling together into a crescendo of blood and madness and lost identity.

However, Stage Fright is not that movie, as almost immediately after the flash to modern day, the campers arrive and start singing “I’m gay, I’m gay, but not in that way.” (He’s gay for theater, in this case, not penis. Just so we’re clear.) From this point, most of the second act of the film is dedicated to a comedy about amateur theater, with only a few hints of threat from the masked killer. It’s only at the end, before the play and the third act really begin that, at last, the metal shredding, falsetto singing, masked slasher finally makes his move.

Stage Fright is mostly comedy, but also somewhat horror, mostly musical but sometimes not, and with an abundance of characters that are not really utilized in anyway, and often get killed off screen. The relationships go nowhere, Camilla’s character arc doesn’t really exist… but maybe it’s not supposed to. The film is an extension of what we saw in Legend of Beaver Dam. It’s light, irreverent, poking fun at both theater and horror, playing off of their tropes for laughs without really saying much about either.

Kudos to Sable for pulling off a competent first feature film.

Stage Fright is available on VOD, and will release in limited theaters May 9th.

Review: Afflicted (2013)

Review by Quin

Having just watched Contracted (which I loved), I jumped at the chance to check out and review the new film Afflicted. Not because I enjoy generically titled horror movies – I mean I guess I do sometimes, we’ve seen some pretty awful titles in the last year or so, and a handful of them are good – the reason I was excited to see this right after Contracted is because the theme is so similar. But the differences outweigh all else. Where Contracted gave us a deep story, with a unique point of view for horror, Afflicted is typically male-centric, with an aesthetic that is interesting, but pretty unoriginal.

Afflicted is the latest entry on the infinite and growing list of films in the found footage genre. I won’t sit here and complain about the genre, partly because in theory I am a proponent (even though I detest most of the ones I see) – I just would imagine that you are probably tired of every critic going on and on about how much they hate found footage. So I won’t do that. The term ‘found footage’ has become somewhat misleading. The footage doesn’t technically have to be found. When The Blair Witch Project was thrust upon the world in 1999, the film opened with a disclaimer, explaining that the footage was found and what you’re seeing is exactly the way things happened. Afflicted is presented as a completed documentary, with the explanation through dialogue that it is intended to be used for a web series on social media to be titled Ends of the Earth. It seems as though that may be where the evolution of found footage lies. (Double meaning of that sentence is intended.)

In the footage, Derek Lee and Clif Prowse are getting ready to set off on a trip around the world, shortly after getting the grave news that Derek has a Cerebral arteriovenous malformation which I guess is essentially a brain aneurism that could blow at any moment. His family tries to convince him not to go, but not very hard. Derek’s gonna do what Derek’s gonna do. First thing they do on the trip is hook up with a couple of friends who are in a band. The second order of business is to get Derek laid, because a guy with a brain aneurism should probably have lots of orgasms right? That’s probably good for those. He meets an Italian woman who seems interested. They go to his hotel room, but she beats the crap out of him and takes off. In the days that follow, Derek gets violently ill, but then all of a sudden he feels amazing. The film starts to look a lot like the 2012 science fiction film Chronicle, then flips into something much darker that looks virtually identical to the first two REC films.

One thing I will say, is that Afflicted is shot really well. When Derek is feeling good post-ass kicking, there are some shots of him leaping from buildings to other buildings (yes, in a single bound) and it’s all done in a clear way that your eyes can follow, it makes sense to your brain and it doesn’t make you want to throw up. So, kudos to Derek and Clif for that. But while these two may be pretty innovative and capable filmmakers, fine thespians they are not. I have seen some great films made by Canadians, Bruce McDonald being one of my favorites, but the dialogue delivery in Afflicted isn’t much better than what you might see in an episode of Degrassi High. Luckily, the startling visuals and fast pace, combined with the under-90 minute running time, will probably hold the attention of most horror fans. But if you’re looking to challenge yourself, just go watch Contracted again.

Afflicted is out now on VOD and in theatres in the US.

Review: The Raid 2 (2014)

Review by Stephanie Scaife

So, The Raid 2 is finally here and Gareth Evans, the unsuspecting Welshman has yet again delivered one of the very best hyper-violent martial arts movies that you’re ever likely to see. First things first; if you were not a fan of The Raid then there is nothing for you here… but on the other hand if you are a fan (and I am) then there is a lot to love about the sequel. It’s more ambitious, it clearly has a considerably bigger budget and it’s even more violent than its predecessor; if you thought that wasn’t possible then just you wait and see!

If you haven’t seen the first film then you’ll undoubtedly be confused as this picks up minutes after the ending of the The Raid. Rama (Iko Uwais) and his brother are picked up by a secret police faction who weed out bent coppers; they want him on side, as although only a rookie he has more than proved himself to be quite the force to be reckoned with. Without giving him much choice in the matter Rama is incarcerated under the alias of a known, yet off the radar criminal. His mission is to befriend Uco (Arifin Putra), the son of a local crime lord, and upon release work undercover to infiltrate the crime syndicate and witness police corruption first hand. It’s altogether far more convoluted than that, but really who cares about the plot? This is The Raid after all, and what the audience wants is insane amounts of violence and ass-kicking and that’s more or less what you get (just with some talking inbetween).

The set pieces are something to behold, carefully choreographed to within an inch of their lives; Evans is a master of detail and nothing is overlooked. Standout moments for me included a mud soaked prison yard brawl that is every bit as exhilarating and outright bonkers as you’d expect, a night club scene that truly beggars belief for sheer spectacle, and of course the introduction of Hammer Girl (Julie Estelle) a deaf mute hit woman that sure knows her way around a couple of hammers and takes out a train carriage full of bodyguards without so much as breaking a sweat. It’s not just about the fighting either; there is also a rather amazing car chase sequence halfway though that is one of the best action set pieces I’ve ever seen, giving even The French Connection a run for its money. Despite the ultra violence Evans also has a deft sense of humour, even in some of the most sinister moments such as when things come to a head (pun intended) and there’s a financial disagreement with an underground porn consortium.

If I had any complaints it would be that it was a bit too long (150 mins) and that so many of the characters are interesting yet we don’t really learn anything about them, Hammer Girl being a prime example – she serves as little more than a scene stealing spectacle. But then again, who goes to see The Raid 2 expecting character development and cohesive storytelling? Not me and hopefully not you! This is action cinema at its finest, most preposterous and most enjoyable. It’s tricky to review this film, because either you loved the first film and you’ll love this film or you didn’t love the first film so you won’t be seeing this one… all I can really say is that it doesn’t disappoint.

The Raid 2 is in cinemas now.

Review: Contracted (2013)

Review by Quin

Contracted is an amazing film. I have rarely ever been at a loss for words, but it took me over a week after I watched this to start writing down my thoughts. In that time I actually watched it a second time, which is something I never do. There is already a huge amount of buzz about this film and it can now be seen in its post-theatrical VOD run, as it is now streaming on Netflix in the US.

I want to start out by saying what a huge fan I am of Najarra Townsend. I first saw her almost a decade ago in the brilliant Miranda July film Me and You and Everyone We Know. Then in 2009, she was in a horror film called Dawning, which I reviewed a couple years ago in my personal blog. I really loved that movie as well. In Contracted, she returns to horror, but this time she gets to be both scared and scary. With her acting ability, she is more than capable of what this role demands.

Contracted opens with some necrophilia inside a morgue. We don’t see who is committing the act, and most of it is only implied, but at the same time it’s pretty unmistakable what is going on. Plus, it is the scene that explains everything that follows from that point on. After the opening credits we are plopped smack dab in the middle of Samantha’s (played by Townsend) life. We see her entering a party while leaving a phone message to her girlfriend. It is during this party that we start to find out who she is. She seems to have had some problems with addiction and there seems to be some kind of rift between her and her girlfriend. Also, there is a male acquaintance who has a huge crush on her, and she clearly wants nothing to do with him. Her close female friend clearly has the hots for her as well, and immediately tries to get her drunk. This leads to Samantha getting even more drunk, and a mysterious stranger, whose face is blurred and obscured every time he’s on screen, makes his way over to her and roofys her drink. In the next scene she is in a car with him. We can hear things start to get hot and heavy at which point Samantha starts to tell him to stop. The stranger continues.

The next day, Samantha wakes up not really sure what happened the night before. But she immediately starts to feel unwell. At first it’s severe cramps and auditory hallucinations. Then it becomes more serious when she thinks she has started her period, but there is so much blood. She develops a rash and weird blue veiny lines in her skin. Then her eyes start to change. She visits her doctor, who is male, and he tells her to put moisturizer on the rash. Apart from that, he seems stumped and more concerned with her sexual habits than her physical well being.

I think I’ll stop there in giving my plot synopsis. Things escalate in all areas and the situation turns very nasty. As much as I love to watch horror movies that are fun, the ones that challenge you intellectually are ultimately more rewarding. This is one of those films. Contracted is much deeper than the simple plot will lead you to believe. The subtext has so much to say about female sexuality. It deals with the male attitude toward female sexuality, as well as the way a young lesbian is treated by her doctor and her overly religious single mother (played by Caroline Williams, the radio DJ in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.)

I was rather shocked to read in the New York Times, the headline for their review of Contracted was “A nightmare of a one-night stand. In Contracted, Najarra Townsend makes a poor decision.” Shame on you, New York Times. A woman doesn’t decide to be raped. She was under the influence of something, but it was still rape. Peer pressure ultimately lead to the rape, but it’s still not Samantha’s fault. And for those of you wondering, I would hardly call this film a cautionary tale. It’s still very much a horror film. It’s filled with Cronenbergesque body horror, much of which is really gross. And it has an ending that doesn’t resolve much, but will make horror fans very happy. But while Contracted is thoughtful and well made, it’s definitely one that will put most viewers in a somber mood. I would still urge you not to miss it.

Contracted is available now on VOD in the US, via IFC Midnight.

DVD Review: Revenge for Jolly (2013)

Review by Tristan Bishop

I was quite excited when Revenge For Jolly first popped onto my radar. Firstly the title caught my eye – not a great, snappy, evocative title by any means, but quirky enough to have my attention and make me ponder as to the nature of the film. Turns out it’s being marketed as a quirky, gory black comedy thriller. Well, I like quirk, I like thrillers, I like gore, and I’m not adverse to a spot of black comedy when done well. The next thing that hooked me was the cast – Elijah Wood, Ryan Phillipe and Kirsten Wiig are all listed. OK, this was looking like a classier prospect than your average low budget horror film – A-list actors don’t usually appear in shoddy indie productions, after all. So I settled down on my sofa with a cup of coffee and some snacks ready for some fun.

The significance of the title soon became clear. Jolly is a tiny dog. A dog owned by Harry (Brian Petsos, who also wrote and produced), a small time crook who owes money to people, and takes great pains to tell the audience (in voice-over) that he’s not a bad guy really. He loves Jolly for instance, and his best buddy Cecil (Oscar Isaac). Unfortunately for Harry, one day he comes home to find Jolly murdered, presumably as a consequence of not paying his debts. Harry is so overcome by grief that he immediately rounds up Cecil to help him track down Jolly’s murderer and make them pay.

It’s a simple plot, for sure, but then most revenge films are. However, whilst the best revenge films put their character through the emotional wringer, forcing the audience to identify with and cheer them on, Jolly is dead within the first few minutes, and the rest of the film is basically variations on the same scene – Harry and Oscar turn up at a place to question someone, and end up killing them, ranging from a bartender to an entire wedding party. Inbetween they drink endless beers, pop pills, smoke a little weed, and eat some Mexican food. That’s literally it. The promised name actors turn out to be cameos as the people the duo question and slaughter (Elijah Wood giving the best turn as the nervous, doomed bartender). Presumably they are all good friends of Petsos, as it’s unbelievable to think they would have signed on after being impressed with the script, which is repetitive, tonally confusing, and remarkably unfunny for something being pitched as a black comedy. I’m pretty certain we’re meant to identify with the main characters, but they come across as unlikeable arseholes, without an ounce of personality between them – not helped by a total lack of screen presence from either Petsos or Isaac.

On the upside, the technical aspects of the film are very impressive – Petsos obviously either had a decent budget or lots of connections, as the editing, cinematography and music are all very good. The music especially is worthy of mention – a nice, unusual electro rock effort from UK musician Whitey. Unfortunately no amount of techincal skill can make a film with dull situations, unlikeable characters and a lack of suspense interesting. Added to that, there’s not even much gore, save some bullet holes. There is a nice cameo from Kevin Corrigan of Some Guy Who Kills People (a Brutal As Hell favourite), but this only serves to remind us how a black comedy should be done. There’s even an ending which had me wanting to throw things at my TV. I would call it anti-climatic, but that would suggest there was some feeling of events building up towards something exciting, and there isn’t. Avoid.

Revenge for Jolly comes to Region 2 DVD and Blu-Ray on 14th April 2014, from Anchor Bay.

Review with a difference: York Minxters Roller Derby vs. MurderDrome

By Ben Bussey

It might seem like no-budget straight-to-DVD indie horror movies are ten a penny around these parts, and that’s probably true. But it’s no exaggeration when I say that – for your esteemed UK editor, at least – MurderDrome has been one of the most eagerly anticipated new releases of the last two years; a film which, despite the fact that I only just saw it for the first time this past weekend, has had a pretty significant impact on my life. Yes, a cheap and tacky bottom shelf movie from a no-name Austalian filmmaker really can have that effect. Allow me to elaborate.

It was way back in August 2012 that we posted the first trailer for MurderDrome. At the time, I’d not long since moved to York with my wife and our kids (yes, I have a family, and no, we’re not especially dysfunctional – shocker, I know), and naturally we were still finding our feet a bit in a new town. Roller derby was something we’d long been aware of, and had been curious to find out more about – and, after the missus and I watched this trailer together, seeing ladies on skates getting stalked by some sort of wheeled Cenobite, one of us suggested to the other that we look into finding out if they did that sort of thing anywhere near us. Y’know, as in roller derby, not getting stalked by a Cenobite. Soon enough, my better half had started attending practice sessions with our local roller derby team, the York Minxters. A little over 18 months on, and – under the obligatory derby name Blunder Bussey (a name suggested, just to make this even more incestuous, by BAH’s own Keri O’Shea) – my missus is a fully-fledged Minxter, with a bunch of hard-hitting, potty-mouthed derby girls watching her back. Yes, that means one of the unfortunate souls in the photograph above is married to me.

So obviously, what I really want to say to MurderDrome writer-director Daniel Armstrong and his team is… cheers for the massively increased number of hours I have been forced to look after the kids on my own.

I jest of course. (Although it is true.)

Anyway, all this being the case, I’ve been pestering Monster Pictures for a screener of MurderDrome ever since I found out they’d be releasing it – but I knew there was no way I could just sit down to review it like any other movie. This warranted something a bit more special – and what would be more fitting than to sit down to watch the world’s first roller derby horror movie for the first time with a bona fide roller derby team?

So that’s what we did; we roped in as many Minxters as we could squeeze into our not-especially capacious living room, piled the kitchen table high with popcorn and drinks (of which I wound up on waiter duty most of the damn night…), and took our seats for the tale of derby girl Cherry Skye (Amber Sajben), whose new boyfriend Brad (Jake Brown) unwittingly gives her a cursed necklace which summons up Satan’s own star skater, Momma Skate (Be-on-the-Rocks). I believe you can find many items along those lines on Etsy.

Now, you might not be too surprised to hear that a roomful of eager beaver (heheh) derby girls (plus a couple of derby dudes) discussing a film about roller derby isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to transcribe – but here, in a choppy sort of way, are a few choice soundbites from the post-film discussion…

On the film overall:

Kiki Dee-Struction: I liked it, it was cheesy and funny and stupid.

Heavy Petal: I liked it. It was retarded.

Dave (no derby name): I’ve seen much worse films.

Misery Stitches: It was silly, but that was why it was good.

Kiki Dee-Struction: It put me in a good mood… It wasn’t really scary, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Misery Stitches: (on Tommy Hellfire) He was cool. He was the best character. ‘Sup.’ He was like the Danny Zucco.

Jessi-Car Crash: The soundtrack was good. Really liked the music.

Heavy Petal: It wasn’t terribly feminist.

Misery Stitches: It wasn’t like the men came and saved the day, though. Strong women…

This inspires further comments which prove indecipherable on my subpar dictaphone – a general consensus that it would get a high score on the Bechdel test, and notes that it’s low on sexploitation.

ViQueen: (Looking at Cherry Skye on the poster) That torso would not… that’s not even fucking her. Why wasn’t her torso showing (in the film)?

Kiki Dee-Struction: I am going to get the poster for my new house, though. I reckon it’d look good in my new kitchen. (Note: we gave her our poster afterwards.)

Misery Stitches: There weren’t really any graphic sex scenes.

Dave: I think it would have spoilt if they had, actually.

Misery Stitches: I like The Green Mile.

(Huge laughs)

Blunder Bussey: Is there derby in that?

Gemmacide:That probably would have made it a bit more light-hearted.

On the representation of roller derby (which, perhaps unsurprisingly, is where it got a bit livelier):

Jessi-Car Crash: It was shit. It wasn’t roller derby. But it was fun, so it’s okay.

Misery Stiches: I think the worst thing about it was the walls. They were skating like a vague pack…

Kiki Dee-Struction: The most terrifying thing (in a horror movie) was the walls.

Slain Reaction: Everyone was in fishnets, did you notice that?

Kiki Dee-Struction: I can’t wear fishnets! Rink rash kinda hurts. I wore some vaguely sparkly tights once, and I fell over…

There is general derision of Cherry Skye’s choice of stockings and suspenders for gameplay, the fact that she is wearing her 187 elbow pads upside down in one scene, and how they’ll all knacker their wheels skating outside.

Blunder Bussey: (on Cherry Skye’s character quirk of constant snacking) There is no way I would ever keep snacks in my knee pads. They’d just end up drenched in sweat.

ViQueen: I didn’t like the fact that – usually derby teams are all good friends, and they would have all ganged up and beat the arse off (Momma Skate)… and how come none of them had hairy armpits and hairy legs?

(More huge laughs)

Kiki Dee-Struction: The representation of derby, especially at the beginning, was closer than Whip It.

Heavy Petal: Two different animals, though.

(Note: Whip It features banked track roller derby, whereas Murderdrome is flat track – which is also how the York Minxters play.)

Kiki Dee-Struction: Yeah, but bearing in mind with modern derby, especially in the UK, we don’t play banked track derby.

ViQueen: For most modern derby, it’s probably more accurate than Whip It.

This gives way to discussion of differences between American derby and the rest of the world, which in turn gave way to the question of whether it should be pronounced derby or darby, which I related to the two pronunciations of ‘scone’ – and then the conversation lapsed into a frenzied debate over how best to eat scones, application of cream and jam, etc… at which point I turn off the dictaphone and get another drink.

So, after all that, do my own carefully considered critical insights matter? Do they ever? Probably not, but here they come anyway…

I can’t deny I went into MurderDrome feeling just a little uneasy. I was well aware that I was going in predisposed to enjoy the film, and particularly given the environment under which I’d chosen to see it for the first time, I realised I might wind up biasing myself further. While I’d done my best to avoid the few reviews that were already out there, the overall reaction seemed middling at best; and, despite how I always promise myself not to, I knew I’d already built this one up way too much, and it might very easily wind up a colossal let down…

But it wasn’t. Not at all. Yes, MurderDrome is silly, flimsy, thoroughly implausible, and its DIY origins are frequently in evidence – but I was never expecting anything else. This is microbudget indie horror, and – as I’ve rabbited on about quite a bit of late – the key thing I ask of any such film is that it shouldn’t just go through the motions, it shouldn’t give us something we’ve seen a million times, and above all else it sure as shit shouldn’t be boring. And MurderDrome doesn’t fall into any one of those traps; indeed, to use a more apt metaphor, it skates around those pitfalls with the precision and speed of a star jammer. It isn’t a ground-breaker or a gamechanger in any way, shape or form, but it has just enough of a fresh, unique hook to really stand apart on it own two (eight-wheeled) feet.

There are absolutely elements that don’t necessarily stand up to scrutiny; even given the cartoonish set-up, the backstory of the MurderDrome itself I found just a little too implausible. It also seems odd that Brad, given his extreme insecurity around women, would a) give Cherry Skye something as extravagant as a necklace and b) have worked his way through two derby girls already: he’s the ex of jealous fellow skater, and alpha bitch of the piece, Hell Grazer (Rachael Blackwood).

But fussing over something as minor as plot contrivances is really missing the point. What matters is the world that director Daniel Armstrong and co have built, and it’s an inviting, brightly-coloured place that’s a lot of fun to visit. It looks great, with nice camerawork and surprisingly effective use of CGI, though some of the practical gore FX leave a bit to be desired. And while most of the characters are broadly drawn caricatures, Cyndi Lawbreaker’s Psych in particular (I’m told her name/catchphrase ‘PSYCH!’ was imitated more than once at Minxters practice the next day), they all fall the right side of likeable.

I suppose it remains to be seen whether the film will have much appeal outside of those who are already into roller derby, but I see no reason why it shouldn’t. It’s 75 minutes of undemanding midnight movie fun, which looks good, has great music, some good gags, some good kills, and some quotable one-liners. And I doubt anyone who sees it will ever forget the term ‘duck butter.’

MurderDrome is already available on DVD in Australia, via Monster Pictures; it hits DVD in the UK on 12th May (although contrary to the cover art above, the BBFC have rated it 15), and will reach the US & Canada in August.

And, of course, you can learn more by liking MurderDrome on Facebook – and York Minxters Roller Derby while you’re at it.

DVD Review: The Invoking (2013)

By Ben Bussey

Enough is enough. I like to think of myself as a fairly easy-going kind of fellow who doesn’t believe we all need to follow stringent rules, least of all where the creative arts are concerned – but the time has come. We need change. We need a strict framework for indie horror filmmakers to follow; a checklist of some sort to prevent movies like The Invoking from happening. No, I’m not saying indie horror movies must by law contain graphic sex and violence in abundance (although that might not hurt) – I’ll keep it that bit less prescriptive. But here’s what I do insist on:

Filmmakers, when you have the project that you no doubt toiled long and hard to realise laid out before you, look at it with open, honest eyes and ask yourselves the following questions:

1) Does anything interesting happen in the first 25 minutes?
2) Does anything interesting happen in the following 25 minutes?
3) Does anything interesting happen in the 25 minutes after that?
4) Does it have a title so generic and nondescript it hurts – like, for instance, The Invoking?*

If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then here’s your course of action: DON’T MAKE THE FILM.

Rip it all up. Go back to square one. Rethink everything. Do not waste your own time and everyone else’s on yet another mind-numbingly bland, tedious, uninvolving direct-to-DVD snorefest that will be of interest to absolutely no one beyond friends, family and whatever pockets of the ‘horror community’ you manage to get on your side.

Be honest with yourself, really. Be your own worst critic. Ask yourself whether this film would be something you would want to watch. Whether it would keep you gripped and entertained. Whether it would inspire you to seek out more from the director and cast, and keep an eye out for whatever else they have in the pipeline. Because if all you do is put a bunch of kids in a cabin and have them mumble at each other for 75 minutes, cutting away to placid shots of the trees and hills every so often – that just isn’t going to win you a following.

Believe it or not, I’m not going out of my way to be a prick here. I say all this with genuine sadness, as I have little doubt that the cast and crew of The Invoking are capable of so much better than this. It’s a technically competent film, shot and edited well enough, and none of the actors shame themselves; honestly, they’re a likeable bunch, and I’m certainly pleased they’re not the predictable bunch of vapid beach body wannabes we so often get lumped with. But this material does them no favours whatsoever. Bland isn’t even the word. It’s all so painfully dry and dull, it leaves you wondering how anyone had any faith in this project to begin with – but they must have, considering it was successfully funded through Kickstarter, and seems to have drawn a few enthusiastic reviews (or at least some positive words for sleeve quotes).

It isn’t even that The Invoking is so bad-it’s-good; unintentional humour would have been something. This is just bad. And I think I speak for everyone here at Brutal As Hell (and a great many other horror sites, I suspect) when I say that I have suffered through far too many such nothing films to be patient with them any more. Make the effort, make something different, make something you know people will want to see – or just don’t pick up the camera in the first place.

The Invoking is released to Region 2 DVD on 12th May, from Image Entertainment.

* Okay, I see from a little googling that originally the film was to be entitled Sader Ridge. Guess what – no better.