By Ben Bussey
Enough is enough. I like to think of myself as a fairly easy-going kind of fellow who doesn’t believe we all need to follow stringent rules, least of all where the creative arts are concerned – but the time has come. We need change. We need a strict framework for indie horror filmmakers to follow; a checklist of some sort to prevent movies like The Invoking from happening. No, I’m not saying indie horror movies must by law contain graphic sex and violence in abundance (although that might not hurt) – I’ll keep it that bit less prescriptive. But here’s what I do insist on:
Filmmakers, when you have the project that you no doubt toiled long and hard to realise laid out before you, look at it with open, honest eyes and ask yourselves the following questions:
1) Does anything interesting happen in the first 25 minutes?
2) Does anything interesting happen in the following 25 minutes?
3) Does anything interesting happen in the 25 minutes after that?
4) Does it have a title so generic and nondescript it hurts – like, for instance, The Invoking?*
If the answer to any or all of these questions is yes, then here’s your course of action: DON’T MAKE THE FILM.
Rip it all up. Go back to square one. Rethink everything. Do not waste your own time and everyone else’s on yet another mind-numbingly bland, tedious, uninvolving direct-to-DVD snorefest that will be of interest to absolutely no one beyond friends, family and whatever pockets of the ‘horror community’ you manage to get on your side.
Be honest with yourself, really. Be your own worst critic. Ask yourself whether this film would be something you would want to watch. Whether it would keep you gripped and entertained. Whether it would inspire you to seek out more from the director and cast, and keep an eye out for whatever else they have in the pipeline. Because if all you do is put a bunch of kids in a cabin and have them mumble at each other for 75 minutes, cutting away to placid shots of the trees and hills every so often – that just isn’t going to win you a following.
Believe it or not, I’m not going out of my way to be a prick here. I say all this with genuine sadness, as I have little doubt that the cast and crew of The Invoking are capable of so much better than this. It’s a technically competent film, shot and edited well enough, and none of the actors shame themselves; honestly, they’re a likeable bunch, and I’m certainly pleased they’re not the predictable bunch of vapid beach body wannabes we so often get lumped with. But this material does them no favours whatsoever. Bland isn’t even the word. It’s all so painfully dry and dull, it leaves you wondering how anyone had any faith in this project to begin with – but they must have, considering it was successfully funded through Kickstarter, and seems to have drawn a few enthusiastic reviews (or at least some positive words for sleeve quotes).
It isn’t even that The Invoking is so bad-it’s-good; unintentional humour would have been something. This is just bad. And I think I speak for everyone here at Brutal As Hell (and a great many other horror sites, I suspect) when I say that I have suffered through far too many such nothing films to be patient with them any more. Make the effort, make something different, make something you know people will want to see – or just don’t pick up the camera in the first place.
The Invoking is released to Region 2 DVD on 12th May, from Image Entertainment.
* Okay, I see from a little googling that originally the film was to be entitled Sader Ridge. Guess what – no better.