*** THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS ***
The executives of billion-dollar firm Immaculate Pond Technologies, along with an accidental extra guest, gather for a, you guessed, corporate retreat in order to recharge and refocus. Or, so they thought. It’s not long before their visions of team-building nirvana are hijacked by a vengeful figure from the past who has a few gruesome challenges of his own for this group of cutting edge tech folks…
This film opens with a kitsch tune, sprinkles a helping of twangy surf guitar on the soundtrack and gets down to the business of introducing characters by means of a freeze frame and caption telling the viewer who they are and which job they hold. All of this adds up to more than a whiff of Tarantino in the air and this does generate a promise of snappy dialogue and hyper stylised violence to come. The cast even includes an “and Rosanna Arquette” as grumpy Chief Revenue Office Deborah.
That “and” is worth nothing, because Rosanna gets to give folks the side eye and say a couple of lines before she’s unceremoniously and bloodlessly dispatched, leaving us with a bunch of folks with far less presence than one of the two name actors in the credits. The performers aren’t exactly helped by a raft of issues generated by a screenplay that develops almost none of the protagonists, beyond a quick hello and a single personality trait, if they’re lucky.
As viewers, we’re reasonably certain that abnormal psychology student Ginger (Odeya Rush) will be the Final Girl, because she’s the aforementioned accidental extra guest, having been invited along by boyfriend and Immaculate Pond’s go-to legal douche Cliff (Elias Kacavas). Why is she there? Reasons. Why is someone like Ginger even with Cliff? Again, reasons. In any case, it’s not long before this organisation’s best and brightest are trapped in a remote – well, not that remote when you see a wide shot – hideaway having to fight for their lives.
Aubrey (Ellen Toland) is the Chief Operating Officer and she’s smart. She’s smart because we’re told she has three degrees. As befits someone with three degrees, when will we see her again? Firstly, if you got that joke, congratulations, you’re old. Secondly, you won’t have too long to see Aubrey spring into action because, after some light sauna torture, the group finds that most of their number has drunk poisoned water and the one what knows science must now whip up a quick antidote, using only those items at her immediate disposal. One of these items is drain cleaner, but it’s obvious that’s just asking to be used incorrectly and no one in their right mind would be injecting that into their fellow man, right? Wrong! It forms part of the cure-all, given the vital catalytic reaction by means of the gold in the wedding ring of Chief Financial Officer Carl (Ashton Sanders).
If that solution, or the ridiculous prop syringe used to administer it, is not going to set eyes rolling, why not have one of those eyes gouged out? Previously punted CEO Arthur (Alan Ruck, getting the “with” credit as opposed to the “and”) is unveiled as the mastermind behind the trials and is lured back by the feisty, psychologically tricksy Ginger to take some of those challenges himself. This leads to a long sequence of spoon delivered ocular trauma that should be memorably nasty, but ends up repetitive to the point where the power of the initial shock is drained completely.
The special effects make-up, by Zoe Stanton and Mike Regan, is skilfully realised, but the characterisations are so thinly drawn that these gory demises fail to have the impact they should. Wanting privileged execs to die only works if these folks have done something genuinely evil, but the story doesn’t reveal any of that kind of detail so these people are basically being slaughtered because of business shenanigans. They ousted someone who, given the evidence on screen, seems no better than they were and the payback is for them to be put through a series of Saw-lite tasks in order to transcend themselves. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but at least Ruck gets to steal the film as a preening narcissist, whose empty pontifications will at least strike a chord with anyone who’s ever had to sit through a presentation packed with buzzwords and soundbites.
The world of the rich, out-of-touch decision maker is fertile ground for a sharp takedown, perhaps more so right now given the current behaviour of certain, prosperous captains of modern industry, but Corporate Retreat somehow manages to miss these easy targets and settles on a one-note mission statement of: These people are awful and they should die. There’s no sly satire, just a fun-free, suspenseless set of ordeals which land smack dab between the uneasy laughs or the horrific spectacle this type of set up demands.
Even though it’s well under ninety minutes when the end credits roll, too much of this is concerningly listless, leaning back on the creepiness of the concept, rather than turning the screw and escalating the nightmare situation. Considering its previous notions of handing dreadful people awful, abstract assignments to achieve an ultimate goal, it all ends in routine fashion with a short scrap and then a shootout, in which all of the muzzle flash appears to be digitally added and guns recoil in a way which no guns have ever recoiled.
Do I want to watch this again, or sit through an hour and a half PowerPoint presentation on company ethos? Unfortunately, cerebral atrophy by slide is looking a better option right now.
Corporate Retreat (2026) receives its UK premiere at the Raindance Film Festival. For more details, please click here.