By Keri O’Shea
Well, here’s the thing: although she seems to spend the majority of her time being trailed by the paparazzi while she does mundane things like walking and shopping, apparently Katie Holmes (yes, her) is an actress. Who knew?
Well, you probably all knew, and yeah, okay, I knew too – but (whispers) I’ve never seen her in anything before. Ever. No, not even Batman. No I did not watch Dawson’s Creek; what do you take me for? In fact, Miss Meadows (2014) is the first time I’ve ever seen Katie Holmes in a format other than a photograph. In a way, my pig ignorance has allowed me to come to the film with no preconceptions whatsoever, which is just as well, as this is a bit of a strange project, all told. Even those charged with promoting and selling the film seem a little confused by it. The press materials which accompany the film scream, “KATIE HOLMES is serial killer MISS MEADOWS”, which isn’t the case; one of the film’s one-liners phrases it rather better when they refer to her character as a “Pulp Fiction Mary Poppins”, but even so, it’s said for comedic effect rather than as an accurate representation (duh), and there’s certainly nothing as graphic or challenging as Pulp Fiction in here.
Still, and I don’t think I can be accused of spoilers as the first kill occurs within the first five minutes of film, what we do have is an impossibly saccharin, impeccably-mannered occasional killer, a prissy stickler of a lady vigilante who monitors the correct usage of ‘can I?’ and ‘may I?’ amongst the schoolchildren she teaches, and the adults she encounters along the way (alongside their other ‘quirks’, shall we say). When Miss Meadows begins dating the local sheriff, it even seems like the happy singleton is ready to pair up at last, but unfortunately all is not well in the otherwise perfect-seeming neighbourhood where she lives. Why, a neighbour even declares to Miss Meadows that things aren’t safe around there anymore, because overcrowding in the nearby penitentiary has led to early releases for many criminals who may or may not now be settled in the area. So, folks, the stage is rather sloppily set for Things To Go Wrong. It may or may not do so in the way you expect. It didn’t do so for me.
At around the mid-way point, see, and because the dainty/ditzy script and aesthetics don’t let up whatsoever, I honestly expected the film to give us A History of Violence via The Brady Bunch: surely, all the mentions of ‘criminals who could be in the area’ is the perfect set-up for a particular kind of conclusion involving our titular character, but it doesn’t really go there, and nor does the film ever ditch the chintz for something tonally very different either. The film was crying out to be less bloody nice and more bloody. In fact, and although this film is reasonably diverting in its way, it’s never exactly the paciest ride (though speaking of which, it does have one of the most baffling and awkward sex scenes I’ve seen in a while) but you could have forgiven it all the tap-dancing and grammar lessons if it had the much-needed temerity to actually startle us or challenge us at any point. Some of the slow character reveals are in fact so slow that they stop before they occur, and then the presence of threat when it comes doesn’t feel particularly real because attempts to fill in back stories – which would have given characters their motivation and the film its context – don’t really happen successfully either.
Katie Holmes is clearly this film’s big seller and she’s been given a great deal to do by writer and director Karen Leigh Hopkins. Ms. Holmes is on screen for essentially the whole time: only a handful of scenes don’t have her in them. This just makes me think, wow, if she’d been given something a little meatier here, then it could have really meant something to her ongoing film career, but whatever – what in the very first scenes starts off as a slightly questionable casting decision settles down pretty well (this is an actress in her mid-thirties being asked to enact a sort of twee virginal naivety which you’d sooner associate with a girl half her age, remember). The problems the film has aren’t really down to the lead actress, to be fair. It’s a shame the central idea of the ‘Pulp Fiction Mary Poppins’ mentioned above is so samey and anaemic in its execution…and perhaps the most notably effective thing about Miss Meadows, come to think of it, is the way it weaves its plot around a seemingly perfect pocket of American suburbia; anonymous, nameless and indeed hard to place in a particular time, but one which has an undeniably skeezy underbelly of odd goings-on. It even reminded me of the cult smash It Follows in a few places. It’s a world where sexual abuse and the threat of rape are just around the picket-fence corner – which may have helped justify Miss Meadows’ behaviour – though this isn’t the explanation the director chooses, much less plumping for a supernatural approach. Here, we have only sentimental guff.
Nope, Miss Meadows is an interesting idea, and offers an attempt at crafting a ‘strong female lead’ in an unusual setting which is meant to speak for itself, but the film gets into a terrible tangle by trying to give the audience someone kooky, strong and vulnerable all at the same time – yet all without really establishing anything beyond kookiness, and not rustling up enough sex, shocks or violence to lend weight to the whole. It has some charm and it’s pretty watchable, but without doing anything memorable. It seems more about aesthetics than anything else, all told (that still of Miss Meadows with the gun is clearly the film’s big selling point.) Given that I hadn’t seen Katie Holmes in anything other than a photograph in the first place, this all feels something of a shame.
Miss Meadows is released on DVD and Digital on 27th July 2015.