By Ben Bussey
It might seem like no-budget straight-to-DVD indie horror movies are ten a penny around these parts, and that’s probably true. But it’s no exaggeration when I say that – for your esteemed UK editor, at least – MurderDrome has been one of the most eagerly anticipated new releases of the last two years; a film which, despite the fact that I only just saw it for the first time this past weekend, has had a pretty significant impact on my life. Yes, a cheap and tacky bottom shelf movie from a no-name Austalian filmmaker really can have that effect. Allow me to elaborate.
It was way back in August 2012 that we posted the first trailer for MurderDrome. At the time, I’d not long since moved to York with my wife and our kids (yes, I have a family, and no, we’re not especially dysfunctional – shocker, I know), and naturally we were still finding our feet a bit in a new town. Roller derby was something we’d long been aware of, and had been curious to find out more about – and, after the missus and I watched this trailer together, seeing ladies on skates getting stalked by some sort of wheeled Cenobite, one of us suggested to the other that we look into finding out if they did that sort of thing anywhere near us. Y’know, as in roller derby, not getting stalked by a Cenobite. Soon enough, my better half had started attending practice sessions with our local roller derby team, the York Minxters. A little over 18 months on, and – under the obligatory derby name Blunder Bussey (a name suggested, just to make this even more incestuous, by BAH’s own Keri O’Shea) – my missus is a fully-fledged Minxter, with a bunch of hard-hitting, potty-mouthed derby girls watching her back. Yes, that means one of the unfortunate souls in the photograph above is married to me.
So obviously, what I really want to say to MurderDrome writer-director Daniel Armstrong and his team is… cheers for the massively increased number of hours I have been forced to look after the kids on my own.
I jest of course. (Although it is true.)
Anyway, all this being the case, I’ve been pestering Monster Pictures for a screener of MurderDrome ever since I found out they’d be releasing it – but I knew there was no way I could just sit down to review it like any other movie. This warranted something a bit more special – and what would be more fitting than to sit down to watch the world’s first roller derby horror movie for the first time with a bona fide roller derby team?
So that’s what we did; we roped in as many Minxters as we could squeeze into our not-especially capacious living room, piled the kitchen table high with popcorn and drinks (of which I wound up on waiter duty most of the damn night…), and took our seats for the tale of derby girl Cherry Skye (Amber Sajben), whose new boyfriend Brad (Jake Brown) unwittingly gives her a cursed necklace which summons up Satan’s own star skater, Momma Skate (Be-on-the-Rocks). I believe you can find many items along those lines on Etsy.
Now, you might not be too surprised to hear that a roomful of eager beaver (heheh) derby girls (plus a couple of derby dudes) discussing a film about roller derby isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to transcribe – but here, in a choppy sort of way, are a few choice soundbites from the post-film discussion…
On the film overall:
Kiki Dee-Struction: I liked it, it was cheesy and funny and stupid.
Heavy Petal: I liked it. It was retarded.
Dave (no derby name): I’ve seen much worse films.
Misery Stitches: It was silly, but that was why it was good.
Kiki Dee-Struction: It put me in a good mood… It wasn’t really scary, but it wasn’t meant to be.
Misery Stitches: (on Tommy Hellfire) He was cool. He was the best character. ‘Sup.’ He was like the Danny Zucco.
Jessi-Car Crash: The soundtrack was good. Really liked the music.
Heavy Petal: It wasn’t terribly feminist.
Misery Stitches: It wasn’t like the men came and saved the day, though. Strong women…
This inspires further comments which prove indecipherable on my subpar dictaphone – a general consensus that it would get a high score on the Bechdel test, and notes that it’s low on sexploitation.
ViQueen: (Looking at Cherry Skye on the poster) That torso would not… that’s not even fucking her. Why wasn’t her torso showing (in the film)?
Kiki Dee-Struction: I am going to get the poster for my new house, though. I reckon it’d look good in my new kitchen. (Note: we gave her our poster afterwards.)
Misery Stitches: There weren’t really any graphic sex scenes.
Dave: I think it would have spoilt if they had, actually.
Misery Stitches: I like The Green Mile.
(Huge laughs)
Blunder Bussey: Is there derby in that?
Gemmacide:That probably would have made it a bit more light-hearted.
On the representation of roller derby (which, perhaps unsurprisingly, is where it got a bit livelier):
Jessi-Car Crash: It was shit. It wasn’t roller derby. But it was fun, so it’s okay.
Misery Stiches: I think the worst thing about it was the walls. They were skating like a vague pack…
Kiki Dee-Struction: The most terrifying thing (in a horror movie) was the walls.
Slain Reaction: Everyone was in fishnets, did you notice that?
Kiki Dee-Struction: I can’t wear fishnets! Rink rash kinda hurts. I wore some vaguely sparkly tights once, and I fell over…
There is general derision of Cherry Skye’s choice of stockings and suspenders for gameplay, the fact that she is wearing her 187 elbow pads upside down in one scene, and how they’ll all knacker their wheels skating outside.
Blunder Bussey: (on Cherry Skye’s character quirk of constant snacking) There is no way I would ever keep snacks in my knee pads. They’d just end up drenched in sweat.
ViQueen: I didn’t like the fact that – usually derby teams are all good friends, and they would have all ganged up and beat the arse off (Momma Skate)… and how come none of them had hairy armpits and hairy legs?
(More huge laughs)
Kiki Dee-Struction: The representation of derby, especially at the beginning, was closer than Whip It.
Heavy Petal: Two different animals, though.
(Note: Whip It features banked track roller derby, whereas Murderdrome is flat track – which is also how the York Minxters play.)
Kiki Dee-Struction: Yeah, but bearing in mind with modern derby, especially in the UK, we don’t play banked track derby.
ViQueen: For most modern derby, it’s probably more accurate than Whip It.
This gives way to discussion of differences between American derby and the rest of the world, which in turn gave way to the question of whether it should be pronounced derby or darby, which I related to the two pronunciations of ‘scone’ – and then the conversation lapsed into a frenzied debate over how best to eat scones, application of cream and jam, etc… at which point I turn off the dictaphone and get another drink.
So, after all that, do my own carefully considered critical insights matter? Do they ever? Probably not, but here they come anyway…
I can’t deny I went into MurderDrome feeling just a little uneasy. I was well aware that I was going in predisposed to enjoy the film, and particularly given the environment under which I’d chosen to see it for the first time, I realised I might wind up biasing myself further. While I’d done my best to avoid the few reviews that were already out there, the overall reaction seemed middling at best; and, despite how I always promise myself not to, I knew I’d already built this one up way too much, and it might very easily wind up a colossal let down…
But it wasn’t. Not at all. Yes, MurderDrome is silly, flimsy, thoroughly implausible, and its DIY origins are frequently in evidence – but I was never expecting anything else. This is microbudget indie horror, and – as I’ve rabbited on about quite a bit of late – the key thing I ask of any such film is that it shouldn’t just go through the motions, it shouldn’t give us something we’ve seen a million times, and above all else it sure as shit shouldn’t be boring. And MurderDrome doesn’t fall into any one of those traps; indeed, to use a more apt metaphor, it skates around those pitfalls with the precision and speed of a star jammer. It isn’t a ground-breaker or a gamechanger in any way, shape or form, but it has just enough of a fresh, unique hook to really stand apart on it own two (eight-wheeled) feet.
There are absolutely elements that don’t necessarily stand up to scrutiny; even given the cartoonish set-up, the backstory of the MurderDrome itself I found just a little too implausible. It also seems odd that Brad, given his extreme insecurity around women, would a) give Cherry Skye something as extravagant as a necklace and b) have worked his way through two derby girls already: he’s the ex of jealous fellow skater, and alpha bitch of the piece, Hell Grazer (Rachael Blackwood).
But fussing over something as minor as plot contrivances is really missing the point. What matters is the world that director Daniel Armstrong and co have built, and it’s an inviting, brightly-coloured place that’s a lot of fun to visit. It looks great, with nice camerawork and surprisingly effective use of CGI, though some of the practical gore FX leave a bit to be desired. And while most of the characters are broadly drawn caricatures, Cyndi Lawbreaker’s Psych in particular (I’m told her name/catchphrase ‘PSYCH!’ was imitated more than once at Minxters practice the next day), they all fall the right side of likeable.
I suppose it remains to be seen whether the film will have much appeal outside of those who are already into roller derby, but I see no reason why it shouldn’t. It’s 75 minutes of undemanding midnight movie fun, which looks good, has great music, some good gags, some good kills, and some quotable one-liners. And I doubt anyone who sees it will ever forget the term ‘duck butter.’
MurderDrome is already available on DVD in Australia, via Monster Pictures; it hits DVD in the UK on 12th May (although contrary to the cover art above, the BBFC have rated it 15), and will reach the US & Canada in August.
And, of course, you can learn more by liking MurderDrome on Facebook – and York Minxters Roller Derby while you’re at it.