Review by Ben Bussey
Damn you, found footage. I told you last time, never again. Every time you show up uninvited in the wee small hours, you worm your way in with your seductive wiles, and somehow I keep letting you in just because, even though you’ve hurt me time and again, there’s a small part of me that believes you can change. So here you are again, and I’m feeling all lonely and vulnerable, in need of a little tenderness, and – dare I say it – a little creativity; but almost every time it’s the same self-centred, mean-spirited, not to mention lazy routine…
Ahem. Okay, I don’t think I need to push this metaphor any further; you get the point. Found footage has let us down so often that it’s hard to approach any new entry in the subgenre without expecting from the get-go to be disappointed. If we were to do the list of the shittiest horror films of the past fifteen years or so (more specifically, everything post-Blair Witch), I think it’s safe to assume a fair percentage of them would be found footage. I also think it’s safe to say, in all seriousness, that a fair percentage of those would come up high on any well-informed list of the absolute worst horror films ever made. Not that I’m going to name names, or anything…
Ah, but then there are those rare times when it works – and those can almost, almost be enough to make you forgive it all. Because when found footage is on form, it can be so damn good: [REC], Cloverfield, Troll Hunter, Chronicle…
And now, Frankenstein’s Army. A film that starts from the not necessarily promising position of being a period found footage film, recorded on what would be for the time a state-of-the-art camera with built-in microphone, chronicling a very special Russian mission in the late days of World War 2. Honestly, if you feel that in itself strains credibility, you’ll struggle with what’s to come once we get to the meat of the story; and more fool you…
Yep, time to chalk up a rare victory for the good guys. This is another of those rare found footage movies that absolutely gets it right. It doesn’t use the format as an excuse for technical incompetence, or general artistic lethargy. It doesn’t neglect to develop interesting concepts and three-dimensional characterisations, framed within a compelling narrative. It doesn’t shake the bloody camera constantly from beginning to end.
But, like many smart horror movies, Frankenstein’s Army misdirects you from the start. If you were to go in not knowing what the big central hook is – sadly unlikely, given the title and the ghoulish fiends pictured front and centre on the artwork – then I rather doubt you’d guess what was coming. What starts out as a genuinely gruelling and intense World War 2 drama eventually gives way to a great haunted house thrill ride, bursting with madcap monsters the likes of which wouldn’t look out of place in a 1970s episode of Doctor Who.
It’s thrilling, chilling and ghoulishly entertaining – but make no mistake, it’s also some serious, hardcore horror. That probably sounds like a bit of a contradiction in terms, but trust me, it isn’t. Director Richard Raaphorst and writer Chris W Mitchell have presented us with a story that absolutely acknowledges the misery, the inhumanity and the very real horror of war, yet they’ve also found room to honour the traditions of the creature feature. The result is truly one of the most unique and beautifully bizarre Nazi horror films to have been produced in an era not exactly short on bizarre Nazi horror films (Outpost, Dead Snow, Iron Sky etc).
Karel Roden – I get the feeling this could be his Captain Spaulding, the role that crops up relatively late in an already illustrious career but winds up defining him from here on in. For English-speaking audiences, at least, we’ve never seen him well and truly at the centre of a film in this way; I suppose the nearest would be his Rasputin in Hellboy, but he didn’t remotely own the action the way he does here. The fact that he’s the only big name in the cast is part of it, sure, but he really does command the screen; it’s a mad scientist performance for the ages.
This is a movie with plenty to say about war and the general lunacy that informs it, and a hell of a lot of it should ring true – but even so, make no mistake, this movie is a hell of a lot of fun, especially if you’re an lover of old school practical FX. The monstruous supersoldier creations, equal parts steampunk/Tokyo Gore Police, are so wonderfully weird, yet undeniably intimidating once in action: even though the film as a whole is not played for laughs, that timeless mix of fear and laughs is sure to come billowing from your belly. It’s a classic feeling, coming from a movie which feels like it could be a minor classic. Not sure it’s enough to make me fully trust found footage again, but still…
Frankenstein’s Army has its UK premiere at this weekend’s Film4 FrightFest. It comes to Region 2 DVD on 30th September, from Momentum Pictures.
Review by Ben Bussey
Here’s the thing about the original Kick-Ass comic – it’s a nasty piece of work. And I don’t mean that in a good way. It’s spiteful and mean-spirited from beginning to end, leaving a rancid taste in your mouth like week-old fried chicken that probably wasn’t even that trustworthy when it was first cooked. If filmed exactly as written, I find it very difficult to envisage Kick-Ass having won anything like the number of fans it ultimately amassed. The movie worked because of screenwriting duo Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman, who kept the stuff from Millar’s book that really worked – Dave Lizewski’s everyman awkwardness and can-do attitude, Hit-Girl’s Tasmanian Devil energy and insanity – and amplified these. Then they took the uglier, crueller stuff (for which Millar seems to have quite the hard-on), and quite sensibly binned it. Rather than being humiliated at every turn and left jerking it to pictures of his dream girl sucking someone else’s dick (which she texted him), Dave actually gets the girl instead. Big Daddy meanwhile, rather than being a deranged sociopath with a completely invented backstory (and not even Hit Girl’s real dad), got to be a bona fide ex-cop and loving father, who – despite his little (ahem) quirks – really did have the best intentions for his daughter, and his city. And, of course, Vaughn and Goldman brought the jet pack.
Review by Annie Riordan
The year is 2154. Los Angeles is a blasted ruin. We assume that the rest of the world is probably just as shitty, but we’re focusing on L.A. here because downtown L.A. already looks like a cancerous tumor festering on the ass of the world, so it’s not much of a stretch to picture it as a post-apocalyptic Mecca. Also, it’s been entirely taken over by Mexicans. It’s every conservative Republican’s worst nightmare, except there’s no Republicans or conservatives left on terra firma: they’ve all rocketed off to Elysium, a super huge space station where everything is perfect, no one ever gets sick or old and every sprawling manicured mansion comes with a built-in medpod, a device that looks like a cross between a tanning bed and a full body x-ray machine which is capable of scanning every cell in your body and removing all trace of disease in 30 seconds or less. Everything is sunshine and whitebread up on Elysium. You can almost hear the theme song from Leave It To Beaver playing softly in the background.
By Ben Bussey
Review by Ben Bussey
Review by Dustin Hall
And for the first 20 or 30 minutes, the film met my expectations exactly. It opens with boobs (yay!) and a drawn out little murder vignette to grab the action-starved audience, followed by the usual positioning of family units in a web of drama. To be sure, character building is important, but from the start the characters were strangely acted, some over the top, some stilted, and overall the family of one-percenters snarking it up in their woodland chateau failed to connect with me at all. In fact, I thought I was watching one of the sloppiest, most cliché movie openings I’d seen in a long time.
Review by Ben Bussey
Presented in documentary format, we are told the thorny tale of rock superstar and tabloid sensation Erika Spawn (Victoria Hopkins), a modern day proponent of classic hard rock theatrics. Filthy lyrics? Check. Provocative costumes? Check. On-stage shock tactics with plenty of fake blood involved? You betcha. Naturally, this makes her the idol of thousands, and public enemy number one to thousands more. She even manages a coveted Christmas number one, knocking wholesome ex-boy band singer Robin Harris (Scott Thomas) off the top spot. But when her band’s inner sanctum allows in a seemingly innocent groupie fangirl named Stef Regan (Lucy Dunn), slowly but surely a sinister shadow falls across the golden glow of Erika’s success. Some of it is the standard rock’n’roll clash of egos; but some of it is coming from an altogether different place. Can anyone be sure what is or is not part of the show anymore?

Review by Tristan Bishop
Because of the nature of No-One Lives – it’s a fast-moving and twist-laden little film – it would feel unfair to ruin what it has to offer by describing the plot beyond the first ten minutes. Suffice to say we start the film in the company of a family of criminals who are robbing a mansion. The owners of the mansion come home unexpectedly in the middle of the robbery and Flynn, the hot-headed loose cannon of the group, bloodily guns them down, angering the rest of his gang. We are then introduced to the unnamed ‘driver’ and his girlfriend, who we learn are fleeing to another town, possibly because of the ‘other woman’ they are discussing. When they stop to eat at a roadside steak house they encounter the criminal family, and Flynn attempts to make up for his earlier error by plotting to kidnap and rob them.
The narrative centres on a textbook nuclear family: wife Sol (Laura Caro), husband Felix (Francisco Barreiro), and their children Sara and Adolfo (Michele Garcia and Alan Martinez). Whilst on a day out in walking in the hills, Sara has that special moment that every pubescent girl looks forward to I’ve no doubt (yes, that’s sarcasm), as a bloodstain on her jeans marks her ascent into womanhood. After they get her cleaned up in the car park toilet – or, if you prefer, the parking lot bathroom – she and her younger brother ask to be allowed to go back up the hill for a walk. Sol and Felix let them go, eager for a little alone time of their own, even if it’s right there in the car. However, just as the husband and wife are getting a bit freaky in the front seat, the brother and sister are heading up the hill and into a small, dark, yet strangely inviting cave; and once they’ve been inside, they won’t be quite the same when they come back out. If that sounds a bit Freudian, I rather doubt that’s an accident.
Review by Stephanie Scaife
