Archive: Author:

By Marc Patterson

If you’re a hardcore horror junkie like me then you might often find yourself judging a film by its first five minutes. With Bite, don’t do that. The first seven minutes play out like a hundred other direct-to-video, low-budget, found footage schlock-fests that have been forced-fed to me over the years. I almost started to regret my decision and commitment to review the latest indie production by director and producer Chad Archibald. Thing is, having watched the trailer, I knew there was something more beyond the lackluster intro. Truth told, the intro makes much more sense later on, as things are explained in full.

The film opens with bride to be Casey (Elma Begovic), and her two friends Kristen (Denise Yuen) and Jill (Annette Wozniak), having a gratuitously good time in Costa Rica. After a hard night of partying, and a little extra-curricular action, the girls decide to seek out a hidden hot-spring and enjoy a relaxing girls only day. There’s something a bit off about the hot spring, but it doesn’t dissuade the girls from having a good time, even after Casey gets bit by an unseen assailant beneath the water.

Back at home, Casey starts to feel the effect of the bite. Her dreams are tormenting her and she starts acting in an erratic manner. At first it seems that stress has got her down, what with her fiance’s mother being a practical facsimile to Norman Bates crazy mother, but things soon spiral into a whole new level of psychologically tortured crazy.

Bite is a film that promises viewers a specific type of creature feature, and to this end it’s quite an impressive film. It feels inspired in part by Cronenberg’s The Fly, and it does a decent job of paying homage without feeling like it’s ripping off the master of horror. Fans of Lovecraft will appreciate the Shadow over Innsmouth vibe of the more claustrophobic and creepy moments the film creates.

The gore is straight up old school, loaded with lots of nasty oozing puss, slime being spewed from all sort of orifices, and other biologically nasty things. It’s all the worst parts of an STD gone wild, and for this hardened horror fans will rejoice.

It would be tragic to not mention the real treat of this film and that was the strong performance by lead actress Elma Begovic. She transforms herself from a bikini clad, party-hearty bachelorette into a hungry, human devouring, queen of all six-legged creatures, and makes it look natural, perhaps too natural. At times her eyes would cut straight into the camera with a creepiness enough to make a viewer squirm, at least just a little. The smart script provides a believable motivation for her transformation and eventual revenge, further reinforcing Archibald as a proven force in horror.

As with any smaller scale production, Bite has its flaws, but those flaws are easily forgiven with the solid acting and splatter-heavy effects. Ultimately, Bite has restored my faith in the future of indie horror, and this critic can’t wait to see what’s next for Archibald.

Bite opens in select U.S. theaters, VOD and On Demand May 6th, 2016.

By Ben Bussey

The arrival of yet another no-budget zombie gore movie – even one that involves female wrestlers – is liable to be met with little more than a dismissive shrug by many of us. However, the UK DVD release of Fight Like A Girl is a more momentous occasion than we might realise. As it stands, this is the second film from Melbourne writer-director Daniel Armstrong, who made his name with 2014’s similarly low-budget/low-brow roller derby slasher movie Murderdrome, which proved to be one of my favourites of that year, and quickly garnered something of a cult following. This success prompted Armstrong to pick up and dust off that which was meant to have been his first film, wrestlers-vs-zombies flick From Parts Unknown: Fight Like A Girl (not sure why Monster Pictures felt the need to abbreviate the title for the UK), which had initially gone into production all the way back in 2007 (i.e. before Murderdrome), but hit some major bumps in the road along the way. Given how easily it might have never seen completion, Armstrong definitely deserves serious kudos for getting the film finished, even if it took the better part of a decade.

But so fucking what, I hear you cry? Why should we give a shit how hard it was to make a film; we only care about whether it’s any good or not!

Well, you’re some hardened, insensitive bastards, aren’t you…? And of course, I’m in complete agreement with you. How the film got made is a secondary question at best; the quality of the film itself will always be the primary concern. Well, as with Murderdrome, we shouldn’t anticipate Fight Like A Girl making a splash at awards shows or earning itself a Criterion edition, but within the arena of contemporary low-to-no budget horror, this one definitely packs a bit more punch than most.

Charlie (Jenna Dwyer) is a young Australian woman leading something of a double life. By day, she’s a put-upon assistant in the corporate office of a video game company; but by night, she’s Daddy’s Little Girl, up-and-coming pro wrestler. It’s a dream she struggles to reconcile with her day-to-day life; she’s perpetually late for work, and her straight-laced boyfriend Vince (Paul Cousins) cannot abide it, but it’s something she feels compelled to do to honour the memory of her father, superstar wrestler Buffalo Daddy, who she saw die in the ring in her childhood. No one seems to support Charlie’s efforts at all other than her somewhat over-eager co-worker Frank (Ross Ditcham).

However, it soon transpires that Charlie’s grappling and body-slamming skills are going to prove most useful, as her employers have been developing a new wrestling-based videogame by somewhat dubious means: utilising military-grade nanotechnology to download the personalities of real wrestlers directly into the brains of players. (Or something along those lines. I dunno. We shouldn’t really get hung up on that, as I get the sneaky suspicion that absolutely none of this is based in real science.) Naturally, this technique proves somewhat hazardous, as the nanobots – which take the form of a luminescent green slime – have the unfortunate side effect of transforming those who come into contact with them into belligerent zombies. However, these aren’t the brain-dead shufflers of old; these zombies are strong, agile, and articulate, and as the virus spreads throughout the upper echelons of company management, they plot to take over the world. At which point, it’s time for Charlie and her few remaining fellow humans to – you guessed it – fight like a girl.

Right then, let’s get the minus points out of the way. It’s screamingly obvious from the get-go that this movie was made for next to nothing, as clearly indicated by the flimsy-looking sets, often fairly crude make-up FX, and basic-looking DV photography (that said, I’ve seen far worse examples of all these). Most unavoidable are the audio issues; Armstrong told us back in 2014 that the main set-back in the film’s initial post-production period was the loss of the original sound files, which obviously proved the main challenge in rebuilding the film years later. This, unfortunately, does hinder Fight Like A Girl at times; in dialogue scenes, the volume fluctuates like nobody’s business, with some lines left practically inaudible. As such, I think the film might have benefited from a little more judicious editing; there are more than a few scenes which feel a little overwritten dialogue-wise, and it surely wouldn’t have hurt to trim the bits which are almost impossible to hear anyway.

But then, this is a more ambitious movie than you might anticipate. Again, I know, the words ‘microbudget zombie movie’ tend not to inspire much confidence, but Armstrong and co really are aiming a little higher; not content to just make a crash-bang-wallop gorefest, Fight Like A Girl makes genuine efforts to present an inspiring tale about staying true to yourself and going the distance, Rocky-style. And believe it or not, it works. Jenna Dwyer does a wonderful job in the lead, conveying vulnerability and kick-ass strength in equal measure – and obviously it doesn’t hurt that she looks very good in all that spandex.

As for the wrestling scenes: I’m hardly an authority on the subject, so I don’t know how much they’ll impress fans of the sport (or ‘sports entertainment’ or whatever the fuck they call it now), but it’s an impressive enough spectacle to my eyes. Add in some pretty decent digital FX work, a rockin’ soundtrack, good performances from the whole cast with some genuinely funny banter (although the Army of Darkness quotes get a bit repetitive at times), and it all adds up to a very entertaining 80-odd minutes.

At the time of writing, Armstrong and his team at Strongman Pictures have not long since wrapped on the their third movie, sci-fi splatter flick Sheborg Massacre, and have gone straight into production on their fourth, cabin in the woods horror Tarnation. It’s safe to say he’s braved the bumpy road, and is now here to stay, and I for one can’t wait to see what’s next.

The DVD also features a short film from Armstrong, footage of wrestling matches from the Melbourne premiere, and several music videos directed by Armstrong, including a few tracks from the Fight Like A Girl soundtrack. (I’ve had Little Mercy by The Mercy Kills on earworm for days now.)

Fight Like A Girl is out on Region 2 DVD on 9th May, from Monster Pictures.

By Ben Bussey

It seems the grand old British tradition of cheap and nasty anthology horror is alive and well in the 21st century. We have of course seen our share of anthology horrors in recent years, the most prominent being the V/H/S and The ABCs of Death movies, but we haven’t seen much that really hearkened back to the spirit of old; the 60s and 70s titles, in particular those made by Amicus, which came to epitomise the subgenre. It seems only logical that a contemporary film which recaptures that spirit should be the work of someone who was active in the British horror scene at that time (even if he didn’t work with Amicus himself); so it is that Worst Fears is the brainchild of David McGillivray, actor, journalist, and most famously screenwriter on a number of notorious cult favourites with directors Norman J Warren and Pete Walker, including House of Whipcord, Frightmare, Terror, Schizo and Satan’s Slave. (Years back I gave an unfairly bad review to the latter film, which I hereby officially recant. My assessment at the time was essentially, “it’s nothing but naked people in goat masks, it’s stupid.” Now, my assessment is, “it’s nothing but naked people in goat masks, it’s brilliant.”)

All this having been said, Worst Fears was not conceived as an anthology movie, nor is it a 2016 production in its entirety. Initially it was a series of short films made between 2005 and 2011, produced and for the most part written by McGillivray, who subsequently decided it would be a good idea to link them all up into a portmanteau. Now, thanks to some newly shot link scenes directed by Jake West, and featuring McGillivray himself as a top-hatted host introducing each tale, Worst Fears is indeed a fully-fledged anthology movie.

Of course, we can scarcely fail to note that definitions of low budget filmmaking have changed somewhat since the format’s 70s heyday. Amicus didn’t exactly make the most lavish productions, but they were for the most part very handsome looking films, shot on good old-fashioned celluloid as that was the only option at the time. Today, however, even filmmakers who aren’t necessarily too short on cash tend to eschew film in favour of digital, to varying results. Naturally, Worst Fears has also taken this route, and it’s here that the shorts really show their age: I realise that seems a dramatic statement considering the earliest of them was only made 11 years ago, but we’ve all seen how far low-end digital photography has come in that time, and from the look of things they were most definitely not using high-end equipment to shoot Worst Fears. The whole endeavour has an amateur, home movie-ish look and feel which rather scuppers its chances of ever being held up in quite the same regard as the Amicus movies it aspires to, which is a pity, as in every other respect it clearly stands apart from your average DV-shot microbudget horror movie.

For one thing, it’s very easy to think of microbudget horror as a young person’s game, given how much of it revolves around twentysomethings getting stoned and having sex in cabins and cottages before the inevitable shakeycam monster attack. By stark contrast, Worst Fears has a far greater air of maturity about it, as the bulk of the cast (McGillivray included of course) look to be aged somewhere between their forties and their nineties. The most notable of these elder performers appears in the first story (and one of the best), Tincture of Vervain, which features iconic Carry On Screaming star Fenella Fielding as a high witch who pays a visit to a geriatric coven in a quiet Suffolk village. The film’s other biggest name, the late character actor Victor Spinetti, pops up in the second story Wednesday, which centres on a young Eastern European cleaner (Rebecca Santos, who played a similar role in Seed of Chucky) who gets the assignment from hell when sent to clean the home of the deranged Mrs Furnival (Anna Wing, who has sadly also died since the film was made).

Older characters are not the only under-represented group whose perspective is presented in Worst Fears; as well as the aforementioned immigrant cleaner, we also have stories centred on gay characters in a grounded, non-sensational manner. As such, we might well consider it a progressive piece of work. At the same time, though, Worst Fears really doesn’t feel like a product of today on any level. It’s curious how McGillivray was at least partially responsible for a number of films which really pushed the envelope in the 1970s, yet these tales all feel exceptionally tame by modern standards. There are a few gruesome moments, although (unsurprisingly given the low budgets) these are realised by fairly crude special effects; and while there’s certainly potential at times for a bit of raunchiness – again, not something McGillivray’s shied away from in the past – the sexual elements remain pretty mild.

All things considered, it’s likely Worst Fears won’t be of much interest to anyone who isn’t already an admirer of McGillivray’s work, but for those who do fall into that category it’s definitely worth a look. The extras will be particular fun for McGillivray fans, as in a couple of interviews he speaks with refreshing frankness about the making of the films. There’s also a 30 minute featurette entitled Horror Icon. This psuedo-documentary may be an in-joke too far for some of us, as while it’s partially a chronicle of McGillivray’s career and the screening of the Worst Fears shorts at Frightfest, it consists primarily of staged interviews with McGillivray’s collaborators talking in exaggerated terms about how terrible he is to work with. Still, it’s worth it for Victor Spinetti’s scene alone, if – like me – you think there’s nothing funnier than old people swearing.

Worst Fears will be released to DVD on 5th September, from Nucleus Films – pre-order here.

By Tristan Bishop

We’ve all, no doubt, seen enough of the post-apocalypse genre to last a lifetime, but what of the time leading up to the big event? Films dealing with the pre-apocalypse are few and far between, with only 1988’s excellent Miracle Mile and 1998’s Last Night sticking in the mind. These Final Hours, therefore, seemed like an appealing idea. It’s Australian, too, and they pretty much invented the blueprint for the post-nuke flick with the Mad Max films, what could possibly go wrong?

The story finds us following James (Nathan Phillips, previously seen in Wolf Creek and The Chernobyl Diaries) as he prepares for the end of the world. It appears (it isn’t really explained outright) that a comet has hit the Earth and the continents are being gradually destroyed by a huge firestorm. At the point where the film begins, Europe has already been destroyed, the US is disappearing state by state, and Australia has all of twelve hours left to exist. We find James making love to his bit-on-the-side, Zoe, before he intends to leave for a debauched party (where his actual girlfriend is waiting) because he ‘doesn’t want to feel a thing’ when the firestorm arrives. Zoe informs James she is pregnant, and, because he’s that kind of loveable guy, he shouts at her and storms out.

On his way to the party his car is stolen, and, whilst looking for another car, he comes across two men who have kidnapped a young girl and are planning to rape her. At first just planning to steal their van whilst they are otherwise occupied, he has a sudden attack of conscience and saves the girl, who asks him to find her father, who she has lost somewhere. Because James is a nice guy he decides to leave her with his sister instead, but when he gets there he discovers his sister has murdered her own children and killed herself, and so instead decides that the right thing to do is take a child to a huge sex and drugs orgy. Will James come around to his responsibility before the world ends?

Well, here goes. I went in wanting to like These Final Hours and found myself hating nearly every minute of it. It’s not that it’s a badly-made film in any respect – it looks pretty nice (perhaps slightly over-processed, but that’s par for the course these days), the sparing effects are impressive enough, and the performances are uniformly decent. However, what we’re essentially dealing with is the tale of an unlikeable guy finding his human side, and it just doesn’t work, because he never comes off as even remotely likeable. Sure, he discovers a sense of responsibility, but, whilst ‘doing the right thing’ is obviously something to be applauded, I find it hard to believe that every other person in the Perth area is out for themselves, homicidal or so completely whacked on hard drugs that they’re a danger to everyone in the vicinity. To be fair, I’ve never been to Perth, it could really be like that, but that still doesn’t make for a likeable film. And likeable seems what These Final Hours is ultimately aiming for. Glimmers of light slip through in a standout scene where the hero turns up at his mother’s house, who seems happy enough to face impending doom with a bottle of wine and a couple of unfinished jigsaw puzzles, but this is an amiable island adrift in a sea of wasted, gun-toting scumbags.

I do get the feeling that These Final Hours is maybe not ‘for’ me – the dramatic music welling up on the soundtrack to underscore the climatic moment where the lead has, whisper it, an emotion, makes me suspicious that we’re meant to feel some kind of kinship with him. In fact, I overheard a fellow viewer refer to the film as ‘life-affirming’, which I found odd as I found myself wishing the entire human race would get wiped out long before the ending. So perhaps the film will play better for emotionally-stunted jocks shirking their responsibilities to their fellow man. But I can’t imagine those guys read Brutal As Hell, so I can’t recommend These Final Hours whatsoever.

These Final Hours is in UK cinemas on 6th May.

By Ben Bussey

Just about every megabudget major studio production to hit the multiplexes these days seems to come with the promise of it being part of a new cinematic universe. However, it’s not just the $100 million + blockbuster crowd who are at it, as anyone who’s been following the progress of microbudget British production house Mycho Entertainment can tell you. Starting off with 2012’s Slasher House, the team headed up by writer-director MJ Dixon and producer Anna McCarthy have been building an interconnected story world of their own, populated by colourful monsters in the vein of all the best-loved slasher franchises of the 80s.

For the benefit of those who haven’t seen Slasher House, as the title suggests it takes place in a single location – an abandoned prison -which has been mysteriously repopulated with several of the world’s most bizarre and outlandish serial killers (see my review for more). The beginnings of this story were fleshed out with 2014’s Legacy of Thorn, a prequel setting up Slasher House’s most hulking antagonist (again, here’s my review); and now the Mycho team are exploring the roots of Slasher House further with two more prequels, showing the origins of two of the other killers who did porridge in the 2012 original. Curiously, these two movies are played out on a considerably smaller scale than the more ambitious earlier movies, with Cleaver set for the most part in one house, whilst Hollower plays out almost entirely in two single rooms. However, hand in hand with this more intimate, back to basics approach is a far greater emphasis on straightforward tension and scares.

Cleaver: Rise of the Killer Clown centres primarily on Oklahoma college girl Carley (Stephanie Price), who finds herself babysitting on Halloween night, when it just so happens a crazed serial killer is on the loose. I know, when have we heard that before, eh? Anyway, the killer’s MO seems to match that of a clown (returning Slasher House actor Andrew M Greenwood) who went homicidal five years earlier, killing his cheating wife and her lover, and subsequently disappeared. He’s long since passed into local legend, but recent deaths point to his probable return, and the sheriff’s department are having little luck hunting him down. Naturally, as Halloween night draws late, it isn’t too long before Carley gets the feeling that someone may be trying to get into the house. On top of which, it turns out the killer clown has a particularly personal motive driving him to get into that specific house.

Of the two films, I must say this is easily my least favourite; indeed, it’s almost certainly Dixon’s weakest film yet. After the more ambitious universe-building and comic book-esque fantasy/adventure elements of Slasher House and Legacy of Thorn, Cleaver seems intended to get back to the fundamentals of what a slasher movie is; an entirely laudable approach, as far as I’m concerned. However, there’s too much about it that just doesn’t quite work. The decision to set the action in Oklahoma wasn’t perhaps the best idea given this is a UK production, as the accents are uniformly unconvincing*; and while there are instances of bad American accents only adding to a slasher movie’s entertainment value (Slaughter High, anyone?), it doesn’t really work on Cleaver, as it’s clearly aiming to be taken a bit more seriously. This is also tricky, as there are certain plot contrivances which strain credibility a bit too far; for one thing, it’s hard to believe the parents would still be more than happy to go out on Halloween night whilst also mortally afraid that the killer on the loose might visit their house.

Still, this is not to say that nothing works on Cleaver at all. There is that same horror nerd spirit which permeated Slasher House and Thorn, and once again a wonderfully garish aesthetic. I think the main thing that endeared me to Dixon’s films in the first place is his taste for very bold colour schemes, which very much continues here with an overabundance of orange and green lighting, all in-keeping with the Halloween setting. The soundtrack’s also very enjoyable, piling on the old-fashioned spooky synth tones. And while the climactic reveal isn’t necessarily that big a surprise, there are a few genuinely creepy moments along the way – and I say that as someone who doesn’t have a particular problem with clowns. Proper coulrophobes best beware.

However, if it’s genuine creepiness you’re after, Hollower is a better bet for sure. An even smaller-scale and more intimate affair than Cleaver, this one sets up one of Slasher House’s most interesting creations – and, as such, it might be deemed something of a feature length spoiler if you haven’t seen Slasher House (although, as can also be said of Cleaver, it still works as a standalone movie).

Slasher House’s Adam Dillon returns as Nathan Robbins, who we meet looking somewhat disoriented and worse for wear in a police interview room, where he finds himself face to face with detective Nicholas Vince (the Hellraiser star surely being Mycho’s biggest name casting to date). Apparently having no idea why he’s there or what he’s accused of, Nathan proceeds to recount the recent events of his life, which at first prove highly mundane given he’s an extreme agoraphobe who hasn’t left his flat in three years. However, a series of unusual events has seen him build a tentative friendship with the girl next door, Izzy (Becca Tallulah, previously one of the massacred cheerleaders in Legacy of Thorn). But as their relationship builds, so too does the presence of something else in Nathan’s flat which, though he doesn’t know it, has been close to him for some time.

While Hollower is also not without its little problems, in this case they’re very much outweighed by the strengths. It’s an interesting set-up which is pulled off pretty well, and proves the most genuinely tense film Dixon has made yet with a very nice slow-build atmosphere of dread. It also doesn’t hurt that it has a bit more humour; as the action flits back and forth between Nathan’s home life and his interview, there are a number of amusing fourth-wall breaking moments. We also have a montage sequence showing Nathan’s daily morning routine, set to a very chirpy pop tune, which – be warned – is likely to be ingrained in your consciousness afterwards.

The main strength, though, is the titular monster itself. Dixon wisely never brings the mysterious demon Hollower into too much focus, building up his presence very gradually in a manner not too far removed from the best J-horror, and in the brief glimpses we get it’s a realy well-designed, creepy-looking creation. Wisely, as well as keeping the cast and locations to a minimum, Dixon also keeps the music minimal too, which serves to make things that bit more haunting; and the colour scheme, while still bold, is a little less brash this time, with Nathan’s flat kept primarily orange, and the police interview room a cold blue. It probably wouldn’t have hurt if the dialogue had also been a bit more minimal at times; the relationship between Nathan and Izzy, though pivotal, isn’t always that convincing, some of their overly chatty moments ringing particularly hollow given the main character’s social dysfunction.

So, while neither of these are necessarily the greatest horror films you’ll see all year, they are both enjoyable movies which point towards interesting things down the line from Mycho. Given they’ve got Slasher House II on the way and Mask of Thorn coming after that, they’re clearly not going anywhere; I remain glad of this, and eager to see where they go from here.

Mycho Entertainment plan to release Cleaver: Rise of the Killer Clown and Hollower on home entertainment later this year; watch this space, visit their Moonfruit store and/or follow them on Facebook to learn more.

*EDIT: It’s been brought to my attention that Cleaver actors Stephanie Price and Jimi James are in fact both American. More fool me. (I can only assume they’ve both been in England too long.)

By Quin

I have long had an optimistic view of the found footage sub-genre. Even though I can count on five fingers the ones I’ve really loved, I recognize a found footage film really has the potential to deliver something innovative and truly frightening. However, after seeing Justin Doescher’s film The Break-In, I have to say that I think I’m done defending found footage films.

Doescher makes so many of the mistakes that critics have screamed about, when discussing found footage, for over a decade and a half. The storytelling is thin and predictable, with the characters seeming to only exist in the moment, and when they aren’t on screen, they just evaporate until their next scene. In other words, they don’t seem real. Almost every conversation takes place only to move the plot forward and this makes the characters two dimensional as well as stereotypical. Then there’s the things I don’t even need to mention at this point – super shaky camera, flimsy excuses to keep filming, and the throwing of logic and the film’s own set of rules out the window. Oh, and remember after The Blair Witch Project came out, the biggest complaint was about how you never saw the witch? As much as I hated that criticism back in 1999, I’m going to cry out something similar here…that was “the break-in” that the title promises? Please. It’s a burgle with a slight twist at best. If you are looking for a home invasion movie (because those can be pretty damn scary when done right) this is not one of those. Seriously. It’s a burgle.

Okay, I’m already getting way ahead of myself and getting all worked up way too early in this review. If I don’t slow down, I’ll just tell you the twist ending and then we can be done with it. But I really shouldn’t do that, and I won’t. The Break-In is about a couple, Jeff and Melissa, who are expecting a baby, and they have moved into a new place next door to their friends – another couple. Excited about the new place and the new security system, Jeff uses his iPhone to constantly film what’s happening. This is mostly a whole lot of nothing other than boring conversations where they talk about specific dates when they won’t be home as well as shots of Jeff punching in secret codes to unlock the front door. Why would anyone do these things? It’s also revealed early that the friends living next door have the codes to the front door in case of an emergency. Of course, that’s just an excuse to have some uh-oh moments late at night when there are noises. You’re supposed to jump, but it’s probably just the neighbor.

The friends next door mention that some other friends of theirs had had a break-in at their house. Well, thank goodness for the new security system, right? The next day, Jeff gets a knock at the door. It’s a detective going around the neighborhood, talking to everyone about the recent string of break-ins. He asks all kinds of specific questions that seem like quite a stretch that a police officer would need to know; things like where the fuse box is and wanting to physically look at it. Jeff doesn’t find the questions weird at all and he seems thrilled to have a cop on his side to go with the security system. This new place should be air-tight. No burglars are gonna burgle this place. No sir. The detective also tells him to keep that iPhone recording. Whatever it catches can be used as evidence and sometimes there are clues in the background.

Are you still with me? There’s a little more, but if you’ve already lost interest, I’ll understand. Jeff and his pregnant wife are out jogging through the neighborhood. When they return home, they notice a man standing in front of their house staring up at it. Jeff yells and the guy takes off. That night, the security alarm goes off, prompting the detective to tell Jeff the name of their prime suspect (something the police would never do) and of course he googles the guy and drives to his house. Alright, I’m going to stop there. This is all building ever so slowly to a climax that lasts about the final eight minutes of the movie. During the eight minutes there is technically a break-in taking place on screen. This is also where The Break-In forgets it’s a found footage movie and gets all Freudian and avant-garde (I use both of those terms extremely loosely.) The Break-In strives to be the Inception of found footage movies – a found footage movie within a found footage movie and the results teeter toward laughable.

Two of the best films from 2015 were Tangerine and Victoria. Both had exceedingly low budgets and were shot quickly. Victoria is a masterpiece in innovation and technicality; it’s a film that lasts over 2 hours, it features a love story and a bank robbery and the whole thing is captured in one continuous take. Tangerine takes place on the streets of Los Angeles and it’s 90 minutes of two transsexual prostitutes looking for their pimp. The whole thing was shot on a few different iPhones and it’s beautiful to look at and it tells a simple but captivating story. In both of these films we care about the people. The stories are simple but true to the characters.

The Break-In was also shot entirely on an iPhone. Sure, the picture quality is okay, but its fatal flaw is that the use of the iPhone is just part of the gimmick. It really doesn’t care about entertaining you or showing you people who may be different than you, but you love them anyway. It’s just cookie-cutter actors playing with an Apple product and everyone is hoping to cash in on a genre that has run its course.

Don’t forget to lock your doors and windows, folks. There’s a deus ex machina on the loose and it’s trying to burgle your home.

The Break-In is available now for rent or purchase on Vimeo.

The Break-In from Justin Doescher on Vimeo.

By Ben Bussey

There’s always a special charm to horror movies set in amusement parks. The two institutions share a lot of common ground; we go there to let it all hang out, cathartically unload our anxieties, confront our fears in an ostensibly safe environment. Of course, we’ve all heard stories about rides going wrong, resulting in people trapped upside down on a rollercoaster for hours, or worse yet, crashing to a firey death; and the curious thing is, such stories often make us that bit more eager to give the ride a go. Sitting down to watch a horror movie and stepping onto a white knuckle ride are both, in their own small way, the participant’s way of acknowledging that – as John Dies At The End told us – we must ultimately face the unimaginable, whether we want to or not.

Or, I dunno, maybe it’s just the bright lights, big noises, thrills and spills. Bottom line: horror movies are fun, theme parks are fun, put them together the results should hopefully be fun, right? And I’m happy to say this is the case with Scream Park. It’s another microbudget slasher movie following the standard formula, without the resources to really bring the vision to life as well as anyone would like, but if you can accept it on those terms it makes for an enjoyable 80-odd minutes of cheap and nasty fun.

It’s the last night before closing at sleepy theme park Frightland, which is facing bankruptcy in the face of dwindling crowds. Naturally, the mostly teenage staff don’t give a shit either way; they’d all rather be off pursuing their dreams, not to mention getting wasted and/or laid. To this end, they manage to persuade their uptight supervisor to let them stay after closing to party in the park that night; but when he reluctantly agrees, the night doesn’t go quite the way they’d imagined. You know the drill; people saying “I’ll be right back” then not coming back; mysterious masked men popping up here and there…

From the opening titles which play out almost identically to those of the original Friday the 13th, to the cameo from the sainted Doug Bradley (don’t be misled – watch the trailer below and you’ve seen pretty much his entire performance), there can be no question that first time writer-director Cary Hill has a raging hard-on for 80s horror, and I’m certainly not about to tell him off for that. Happily, this doesn’t mean he bogs Scream Park down in obvious grindhouse/rewindhouse flourishes, or tries to present it as some lost film from the VHS era; the dialogue, soundtrack and contemporary references make it clear this is a product of the 2010s, even if one cast member looks as if he’s cosplaying Vyvyan from The Young Ones. The film also plays nicely on its heritage as a Pittsburgh production with nods to that certain other low-budget horror movie made in the city, Night of the Living Dead.

Obviously it’s riddled with flaws. Many of the set-piece kills don’t play out as well as they might have due to obvious practical constraints; the performances are largely stilted; the few brief attempts at sex scenes are rather awkward; and the film doesn’t really take full advantage of the theme park setting. I was also a bit underwhelmed by the killers themselves, once they’re properly revealed. The overall format would seem a good fit for taciturn Michael Myers/Jason Voorhees types, but instead Scream Park opts for the motormouthed backwoods hellbilly routine, which I’m not sure was the best choice under the circumstances.

Still, if you’re after an undemanding DIY slasher, you could certainly do worse than Scream Park; and I’m pleased to see that Cary Hill has a Return To Scream Park on the cards. Here’s hoping that with the lessons learned from this movie, he might be able to really do the concept justice on the second one.

Scream Park is out on DVD on 25th April, from Left Films.