By Ben Bussey
As we’re getting close to the end of 2012 – and, depending on who you talk to, the end of all life on Earth as we know it – now’s about the right time to reflect on what kind of year it’s been for the horror/cult/trash/insert preferred term here movies that we hold so dear. I don’t know about everyone else, but all things considered I think 2012 has been pretty damn good, with no shortage of films to get excited about, and all of us at Brutal As Hell are looking forward to revisiting the highs and lows in the weeks between now and Christmas/Hannukah/the holidays/Armageddon/insert preferred term here.
To kick things off though, here’s part one of my look back at the film artwork of 2012. Now, I daresay this is one of the most contentious elements of contemporary cinema overall. Most of us agree that standards have dropped significantly in recent times, with Photoshopped floating heads taking over where once gorgeous handpainted efforts were the norm. Most perplexing and frustrating, though, are the many recent instances of DVD distributors opting to go with ugly, lazy Photoshop jobs even when great posters already exist. Okay, maybe there are rights issues involved, but even so, surely they can do better than some of these. To start with…
The Innkeepers
An above-average haunted house movie, that had inspired not one but two above-average posters:
Pretty, eh? Yet for the Region 2 DVD release, Metrodome opted to go with… this?
Really? A disembodied, zombie-looking hand hanging over an old hotel bell, against a plain white backdrop? I suppose it sort of relates to the theme of the film, but good grief it’s unsightly. Clearly the design is more interested in highlighting the review quotes than providing an accuarate and attractive representation of the film itself. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with review quotes on a poster or DVD cover, but they shouldn’t detract from the central image, let alone be the focus themselves. And if they must be there, surely they could be in a nicer font.
Juan of the Dead
A character-based film, as the title would suggest. Therefore, we definitely need the character to be the focal point, yes? Hence this reasonably handsome poster:
So what did they come up with for the DVD…?
U!G!L!Y! You ain’t got no alibi! You ugly, ugly DVD cover! Just what substances does one need to be under the influence of for those heads to start looking like they belong on those bodies? How exactly is Juan’s small head casting that massive shadow over his torso? And when have you ever seen anyone hold up a gun in two hands whilst also clutching a machete? Where’s the machete’s handle? Just how big are that lady’s hands? And what’s with the strangely unfazed random chick crowdsurfing the wave of zombie hands in the bottom right? In fact, I’m not even convinced those are zombie hands. I think it’s that tunnel of helping hands from Labyrinth. They’ve broken free, and have made it their mission to ruin as many horror DVD covers as possible. And all because of their shame over groping an underage Jennifer Connolly. But I digress.
We Are The Night
This is an awkward one. Momentum had no shortage of existing posters to draw from, though admittedly none of them were too great in the first place; yet their curious decision was to take these two images…
… and combine them to create this.
What the hell were they thinking? I get it, they want to emphasise the vampirism, which might not be immediately evident from the first image. But to solve that with a trickle of blood under Nina Hoss’s mouth, and to superimpose alternate heads over the other two, tranforming Jennifer Ulrich into Anna Fischer in the process… just wrong.
Cockneys vs. Zombies
Now, in this instance the original theatrical release poster might not have been to all tastes, but it was at least making an effort to do something different and interesting, and play on the film’s London setting in a less than obvious way:
Given that it was a slightly abstract way of selling a pretty straightfoward comedy horror, it’s not surprising Studiocanal opted for a more conventional DVD cover:
Okay, not the worst ever – I certainly don’t object to the emphasis on gun-toting geriatrics Alan Ford and Honor Blackman – but it’s another one suffering from a bad case of superimposed head syndrome. Just look at the visible outline around Harry Treadaway. And what the hell is he meant to be doing with his leg? Resting it on his grandad’s shoulder? It’s so clearly a scene staged within a computer, it lacks any sense of real drama. The framing doesn’t sit right with me, either – and again we’ve got those disembodied Labyrinth hands peeping around the corner, which it seems is now the fallback method of suggesting zombie attack. Hmmph. Not the worst cover art concept, but it went a bit Pete Tong.
And the last bad Photoshop job for now:
Truth or Dare (AKA Truth or Die)
Now, as much as I dislike Photoshopping, I can appreciate there are times when it’s the most convienient option; say, when trying to show a small group of people facing the zombie apocalypse. But really, how hard is it to get four actors tied to chairs in a single room? It’s not bloody hard at all, hence so many films have played on that set-up in recent years, including this one of course. So why the hell couldn’t an actual photo of this ensemble be used? Why, once again, the bleeding obvious superimposed heads that clearly don’t match the lighting in the room? And look at Jennie Jacques in the bottom left: is it just me, or is that a rather unnatural angle she’s holding her head at? Can you comfortably hold your head that far to the left and look ahead of you like she’s meant to be doing there? I mean, it’s not quite contortionism of Society-ish proportions, but still. And that whole ‘spin the bottle’ tagline doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense given their hands are tied behind their backs. Are they meant to use their feet?
EDIT: Just remembered one more shitty hack job I can’t let off the hook; and not for the last time in our look back on 2012…
Okay, well that’s enough of the crap for now. Catch up with me shortly for a look at some of the better movie art 2012 has had to offer – and if you have any particular favourite/least favourite posters and covers you’d like to share, feel free to let me know on Twitter or Facebook.