It’s possible that Baphomet benefits from the power of reduced expectations. This is a low budget horror movie of the sort you might find propping up the arse-end of Amazon Prime listings, complete with gimmicky casting or ageing and perhaps not all that fussy genre icons, and so you might understandably expect it to be shocking in all the wrong ways. So the fact that it is a fairly efficient production is perhaps more satisfactory than ‘thoroughly average’ might otherwise seem. Your life isn’t going to be elevated in any way by seeing this, but equally, it won’t be the grim ordeal that you might fear.
The film cherry-picks themes and moments from assorted other movies with its tale of a farming family out in the sticks who find themselves terrorised by a group of Satanists who want their home. To be fair to the Satanists, they initially try the polite approach, making an offer to buy the place which is rather rudely turned down by angry Richardson family patriarch Jacob (Colin Ward) – and part of me can’t help but think that everything that subsequently happens is a bit deserved because of his brusqueness. Manners cost nothing, after all.
The cult, led by Henrik Brandr (Giovanni Lombardo Radice – better known to 80s Italian horror fans as John Morghen) wants the farm because it covers a TERRIBLE SECRET, and won’t take no for an answer. Soon, the Richardsons find themselves assailed with a terrible curse that results in the death – by shark attack! – of Mark Neville, the son-in-law of Jacob and husband of his pregnant daughter Rebecca (Rebecca Neville). Mark is played by Matthan Harris, who also writes and directs then film, and while such triple whammies sometimes have good results, it often feels as though someone is stretching their talents – or belief in the talent – a bit far. Harris is not the worst actor in the film, but that’s not really a compliment.
Still, everyone is an Oscar contender compared to Dani Filth – yes, the man from Cradle of Filth – who pops up to literally phone in – or Zoom in – an appearance. Seasoned readers might recall his appearance in the unbearably bad Cradle of Fear, and so will be shaken to hear that he is much, much worse here – possibly because he has actual dialogue this time round, which is delivered with all the stilted emotion of a man reading off a malfunctioning autocue. There are those who claim that Mr Filth is some sort of great thinker and artistic visionary; this film does little to help that rather questionable argument. Luckily, his entire appearance is just a few minutes long and entirely consists of him talking into a camera as he offers faltering occult expertise and cheery encouragement to Rebecca. That’s right – he doesn’t even play a sinister character. His appearance is clearly just for name value, which suggests a strange optimism in the ongoing and international popularity of Cradle of Filth.
Rebecca decides that she won’t take her husband’s death and the constant terrorism by the Satanic cult lying down, and consults a local witch who is, it must be said, more powerful than most – she brings Mark back from the dead, complete with a regrown leg, to help battle the occult forces as a final reckoning looms. You’ve seen enough of this sort of thing to know how it will all go.
Surprisingly, there are moments in Baphomet are more impressive than they have any right to be. The shark attack, as ludicrous as it might be, is actually pretty well handled – the shark looks good and the scenes (both actual and flashback) are actually well crafted. The occult sacrifices are equally intense and, by modern movie standards, pretty extreme – nudity AND gore! There are some good creepy set-pieces and a solid sense of dread throughout much of the film as the threat from the Satanists grows. It looks better than you would expect and builds atmosphere quite impressively – and despite some lengthy moments of no much happening, it manages to keep the narrative moving along at a steady pace.
Unfortunately, as with many films like this, the acting is pretty variable – and by ‘variable’, I mean that it runs the gamut from extremely wooden to reasonably efficient. Radice is actually pretty good – definitely better than I’ve seen him in similar movies where he’s been roped in for fan recognition. But too many not-especially-good actors have too much long-winded dialogue that even the most seasoned performer might find a mouthful, and the leads struggle to convince that they are undergoing any real emotional trauma.
But, you know what? In truth, I expected Baphomet to be a train wreck and it is far from that. As a Satanic Panic horror film, it does what it sets out to do with solid efficiency. I’ve seen much worse – some of it being praised to high heaven at major festivals. I can’t pretend that it is revolutionary or even remotely original, but it’s not awful by any means – a decent, ambitious effort let down mainly by a misguided belief that a faded rock star would help sell more copies.