The film starts with a jewel heist gone wrong; a criminal gang numbering a Monsieur Surnett (Naschy) and The Most Seventies Man Who Ever Lived, amongst others, try to nick off with an expensive necklace, but they’re pursued. The police open fire on them (a little harsh for a bloody necklace!) and in the melee, Surnett gets shot in the side of the head. His cronies try to save him, enlisting a sympathetic doctor (Carlos Otero) but sadly (as we discover, after a slightly confusing and anatomically-impossible sex scene which made me shout things at the screen) the doc says there’s no hope – not if Surnett isn’t taken to a hospital, and pronto.
This could be curtains. But then, Dr Ritter has an idea – and strap yourselves in, it’s a doozy. It seems he has an erstwhile colleague called Professor Teets (!) who has a nice line in experimental brain transplant surgery. Oh, sure, he hasn’t tried it on humans yet; that would just be silly. But Ritter and the criminal gang he’s sadly become embroiled with decide that Teets should be persuaded to experiment on Surnett.
There is, of course, the small matter of a fresh brain to transplant, but the gang has a plan. They decide that the best possible option is to transplant the brain of the man who’s right at the top of Surnett’s List of Enemies – a nice chap, who goes by the name of The Sadist. A comedy of errors ensues as the gang first ensnare and then, some time later, try to separate the Sadist’s head from his body – think Weekend at Bernie’s, for a while at least – but soon, things are ready, and we get to see the inside of a fabulous! laboratory before the deed is finally done.
Sadly, the biggest disappointment in this film is that I still don’t feel as though I’ve seen Naschy doing very much on screen. He’s hardly around, as he’s either recuperating, or much later, running through the trees (for reasons which are, sort of, explained). There’s barely a rollneck to be had. This is definitely a shame. And then, the more I think of it, the release title is a puzzler, still. The original mention of a ‘severed head’ clearly may have led audiences to expect something which ultimately doesn’t happen, so maybe ‘Crimson’ is a safer bet – but Crimson is actually an incredibly bloodless film, even whilst re-using the ‘severed head’ artwork all the same. Ah, well. I’m splitting hairs here. If you want to get hit around the head with a time capsule, then this film is a lot of fun; even where it lags, it’s daft enough to keep you watching.
Crimson will be released by Black House Films on 17th April 2017.