Review by Quin
I recently watched a Q&A with filmmaker Werner Herzog where he pretty much says that if aliens from other planets exist, we’ll never see them here on Earth. The reason being, that these planets are so far away, it would take too long to get here, and if they traveled faster they would burn up in the process. While I tend to agree with what Herzog says, I also see the incredible flaws in his reasoning. He’s obviously looking at it with the the laws of physics in mind, but he’s disregarding other factors like interdimensional travel, more durable substances and the possibility that said aliens have been traveling for quite some time and maybe they’re already almost here. Is all of this likely? No, of course not. But if we don’t consider the possibility, then we don’t have a large percentage of really great science fiction movies.
As I said before, I am a skeptic when it comes to things like visitors from other planets. It seems to me that our fascination with extra-terrestrials says more about our own self importance and it seems pretty egotistical to suggest that other beings even know we are here, let alone care. The universe is vast, so it seems possible that we aren’t alone. If they are less technologically advanced, they’ll never get here. But if they’re smarter with more technology, they probably just don’t care about us. I know, I’m such a party pooper. Now let me tell you something I don’t care about at all – this movie – Alien Abduction.
There have been some great movies about alien invasions and abductions – Alien Abduction is not one of them. They certainly don’t make movies anymore like Communion or Fire In The Sky. As I’ve stated before, I don’t mind the “found footage” genre. I still see its potential and I keep waiting for the ones that get it right. Alien Abduction manages to make the mistakes of a typical unsuccessful “found footage” film all while boring the viewer and creating very little tension.
As is customary in all “found footage” films, the movie needs to begin with some kind of explanation via a block of text. Here we get several. Beginning with “The following is actual leaked footage from the US Airforce” – the whole thing reads like a wikipedia entry. It continues, “For centuries, people have been disappearing on and around Brown Mountain, North Carolina. Locals believe the disappearances are directly linked with sightings of the Brown Mountain Lights.” I’m sure the lameness of the title Alien Abduction has already crossed your mind. So many horror films lately have had such bad titles with no thought involved. But I would imagine the filmmakers thought better of calling it The Brown Mountain Lights, I guarantee there would be so many Shit Mountain jokes. The introductory text explaining what the movie is about continues… “In 1952 The US Airforce established Project Blue Book…” which was to figure out if UFOs were a threat and to scientifically analyze UFO related data.” All I could think about was that Blue Books were those essay books that we used in school, I think they were made by the same company that made Scantrons. In case you were wondering if the intro text was finished yet, it’s not. “October 2011: 27 people went missing after hundreds of eyewitnesses claim to have seen the lights. The camcorder of autistic 11 year old Riley Morris was recovered in a nearby field. Riley and his family went missing while camping on Brown Mountain.” And, of course… This. Is. That. Footage.
During the extensive footage, we are told that due to Riley’s Autism, he films everything he experiences, which makes it easier for him to cope. This is pretty clever, considering most of these kind of movies keep filming when most people would drop the camera and run.
The Morris Family are on Brown Mountain for a camping trip. We see them setting up the tent, rock climbing and discussing what to do if a bear attacks. Obviously they were prepared for the wrong kind of attack. That night, Riley’s camera picks up some lights in the sky that are in formation and then shoot out of frame super fast. The next day in the car, the GPS goes haywire, they lose cell phone service and then get lost. They realize something is terribly wrong when they come across a tunnel filled with abandoned cars. And so their adventure begins. It’s mostly exactly what you would expect. There’s running and screaming, they meet a backwoods hermit named Sean. Yes, his name is Sean – not Bubba or Jim Bob or something like that. The name of this guy is probably the one thing in the movie that’s completely unpredictable and surprising. After a brief confrontation, because Sean is a paranoid gun-toting conservative and conspiracy theorist, he lets the family take refuge in his Unabomber cabin. A brief discussion among the parents takes place that will amuse some and make others roll there eyes – one of the parents observes that the cabin looks right out of Deliverance, to which the other replies, “Minus the anal rape.” Um, drum roll? I guess. Or not.
Alien Abduction is a little less than 90 minutes, so it does have that going for it. It also has a couple of genuinely creepy visuals – a road full of dead crows and the actual abduction when people are lifted into the air. Other than that, it’s boring, predictable and all of the stuff I already said about it. The acting is pretty bad too. And the kid who plays Riley looks a lot like a young Justin Bieber, and I’m pretty sure they only show him once. I would actually be interested to know how much of the camera work he actually did. If the main photographer on this film is 11, that would automatically make it way more of a curiosity piece, I think. But without knowing that, it’s pretty much just a below average found footage, alien abduction, people lost in the woods, man against nature, chase movie that should be forgotten. Instead, why not rent Fire in the Sky? That movie is over 20 years old now, so I’m sure there’s a whole generation who have never even heard of it. It’s actually based on a true story (allegedly) and it’s creepy as hell, even in a Deliverance in space kind of way. But avoid the shit mountain that is Alien Abduction.
Alien Abduction is available now in the US on VOD via IFC Midnight.