By Ben Bussey
There are few things so tiresome as a horror comedy which is neither funny nor scary. Alas, we seem to get rather a lot of them; and, double alas, The Funhouse Massacre is yet another title to add to that undesirable list. A well-meaning, ambitious endeavour with a very agreeable core concept, director Andy Palmer’s film clearly aims to pay affectionate homage to the glory days of the slasher whilst upping the ante with contemporary comic book stylings and a good dose of kick-ass action. However, these good intentions are scuppered through a combination of low production value, mediocre writing and direction, lifeless performances, and an over-reliance on the over-familiar.
It all starts out intriguingly enough, as a remote, top secret facility for the criminally insane run by none other than Robert Englund (well, y’know, not the man himself, he’s playing a character n’all that) takes a rare visit from a journalist. Essentially Arkham Asylum by way of Guantanamo on a microbudget, the institution houses four colourful crazies who might have stepped right out of a bottom shelf VHS tape anywhere between 1985 and 1995 – all of whom are being held without charges or trial, which Englund’s character makes clear he has no qualms about. Clearly no bleeding heart – yet he will be bleeding elsewhere soon enough, as it transpires that his visitor isn’t quite what she seems. Single-handedly staging an alarmingly easy mass break-out of what’s supposed to be a maximum security compound, she and her fellow psychos waltz on out for a special Halloween party they’ve been planning for some time at a nearby haunted funhouse attraction.
The scene thus set, we might our inevitable batch of victims-in-waiting, the staff of an old school all-American diner – most of whom look to be around thirty yet seem very teenage in their demeanour. I guess they’re meant to be college age, I dunno. Anyway, we have your standard characters – nerd, jock, nympho, immediately obvious final girl – and after closing up shop they’re all driven over to the funhouse by that other trope, comedy ethnic minority (in this case a Mexican cook), for some Halloween night entertainment. The funhouse boasts a series of rooms based around various local urban legends including a serial killing dentist, a cannibal chef, and a devilish cult leader with a gift for prompting mass suicide. But unbeknownst to the masses, every one of those legends is true – and the real killers have now taken residence in the funhouse itself.
Once again, I do like the premise of The Funhouse Massacre. The notion of real murders occurring in a Halloween attraction, where witnesses would naturally assume it was all part of the show, is a potentially very creepy one – and as I mentioned when we first ran the trailer, I’m reminded of another indie horror from earlier this year, The Scarehouse, which played on a similar conceit but largely under-emphasised the funhouse element. And, of course, there are plenty of great horror movies from years gone by which take place in a carnival or circus setting; that colourful, thrill-seeker spectacle lends itself beautifully to the genre. Unfortunately The Funhouse Massacre just doesn’t exploit that set-up effectively enough. The clearly low budget may be a factor, but every moment just feels too stagey, too stiff and by-the-numbers, with very little real atmosphere and pretty much zero tension. It also doesn’t help that we’ve seen pretty much all these psycho killer tropes done before, and better; Candice De Visser’s Dollface is a blatant clone of Harley Quinn (a debt acknowedged by her early alter ego ‘Ms Quinn’), Mars Crain’s Rocco is yet another Lucha Libre hulk, Jere Burns’ cult leader is yet another loquacious, charismatic Manson figure. Also kind of sad to see the notable Clint Howard squandered on such a non-noteworthy role.
Still, we might excuse The Funhouse Massacre for falling back on cliches if only it was executed well enough. But, again, it simply isn’t. By attempting to blend horror, comedy and action, it bites off quite a bit more than it can chew, and never proves effective enough in any capacity. The script is clearly aiming for laugh-a-minute, but it barely ever prompts more than a slight smirk, and the abundant fight scenes just feel a bit sloppy. Still, gorehounds will doubtless be pleased that the bloodshed is, so far as I could tell, all-practical, and realised by none other than the great Robert Kurtzman – although it seems profoundly unlikely this will ever be held up alongside the make-up FX icon’s best work, as once again, there’s no mistaking that it was done on the cheap.
The Funhouse Massacre arrives almost two weeks too late to be featured in our Halloween thread Trick Or Treat, but if it had I wouldn’t have hesitated to mark it a trick. As much as it might strive for cult status, it’s ultimately just another run of the mill, middle of the road indie horror that’s surely doomed to be forgotten.
The Funhouse Massacre is on limited theatrical release in the US from Friday, November 13th.