By Jamie Brownlie
Writing for this site is seriously starting to make me wonder if I actually like movies or if I just like the idea of movies. This is the fourth review I’ve written for BAH and I’ve yet to see a movie that I truly love. I love movies, I think. I think I love horror movies, my DVD collection bears proof of that. I love action movies, my ability to recite all the dialog of Die Hard (to the annoyance of my friends) attests to that. So what’s the problem? It’s all pointless rambling, so on to the review.
Superman’s wife (Lois Lane?) has been killed by the big guy from The Princess Bride. Superman then kills the big guy’s brother in order to go to prison to exact revenge on the big guy. Violence ensues. The end.
I literally watched Vendetta yesterday and I can honestly say that I don’t remember very much about it. I know Andre the Giant wasn’t actually in it. Neither was Superman. The giant is played by current WWE superstar, Paul “The Big Show” Wight and Superman is played by Dean “I used to be Superman” Cain.
I went into this movie really wanting to like it. Even though I haven’t watched pro wrestling in almost fifteen years I’m still fascinated by its history and story and consequently I’m pretty open to wrestlers transitioning into the acting world. Through sheer happenstance I caught an interview with Wight on a local radio station last week promoting the movie and he came across as very personable, articulate and genuinely interested in being an actor. He had nothing but good things to say about Cain and seemed excited about the movie. This got me excited to see the movie. Then I got asked to review the new Soska movie. I had no idea it was Vendetta, but awesome, I was down.
And now I’m let down. This movie is the cinematic version of mashed potatoes with no gravy. You can eat it but it’s not particularly appetizing and it’s ultimately going to leave you feeling disappointed. And like mashed potatoes with no gravy it’s bland and completely unmemorable. It’s not terrible per se, it’s just, for lack of a better descriptive, blah. Blah, blah, and more blah. The acting is okay, I guess, but the story is horribly, horribly clichéd. The pacing is off and, sadly, the directing is not the best. I had high hopes for the Soska sisters in this one. The WWE must have had confidence in them as well as this was the second movie they have done for the company, the first being 2014’s See No Evil 2. Unfortunately, like I said, they failed. Every genre has a specific style, requiring a specific feel, look and tone. The Soskas understand horror, that can’t be denied. However, they don’t understand action. The fight scenes don’t flow, the tension necessary for this type of revenge film is missing and the frenetic pace that low budget action films desperately need is nowhere to be found. You can blame it on the actors or the writers, but ultimately, it’s up to the directors.
There are four groups of people who will watch this movie: Soska fans, wrestling fans, Dean Cain fans (that’s a thing, right?) and people who randomly come across it on Netflix, where it’ll eventually go to die. All, I’m afraid, will be disappointed.
If I take anything away from this film it’s that guys in prison do lots of push-ups, CGI blood spray still looks like crap, and The Big Show has the biggest hands I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the dude could palm a Chevy.
Oh, and (spoiler warning) it took Superman a knife and gun to fall his giant. The Dread Pirate Roberts did it with his bare hands. Who’s the real giant slayer?
Vendetta is out now on VOD and limited theatres in the US, from Lionsgate.