It’s no surprise when a low-budget straight to DVD shark movie turns out to be complete and utter garbage, but there’s a particularly bitter sting in the case of Shark Killer. Contrary to the utterly generic ominous fin cover art chosen by distributor Image Entertainment, this was a movie that, on a conceptual level at least, tried to take a somewhat different approach to the cheapo shark flick subgenre; an old-fashioned boy’s-own adventure treasure hunt angle, as opposed to the half-baked Jaws retreads with absurdist twists we’re more accustomed to these days. On paper, the potential is there for something that stands apart, with genuine entertainment value; but, alas, through the old combination of lack of funds, lack of invention and almost certainly lack of anyone involved really giving a damn, Shark Killer winds up yet another instantly forgettable generic digital age B-movie, further sullying the waters that are already overloaded with so much chum.
Our titular slayer of Selachii* is a big buff dude with the suitably pulp hero name of Chase Walker (Derek Theler). No friend of animal rights activists, Walker is world renowned for his talent for getting rid of pesky sharks the old fashioned way: straight up killing them, more often than not with nothing more than a knife and his bare hands. Not bad for someone who apparently hates the ocean, despite the fact that he spends most of his time there. Fresh from completing his previous mission of doing away with such a sea critter in his native Hawaii, Chase gets summoned out to Cape Town at the behest of his estranged adoptive brother Jake (Paul du Toit), who it seems has become quite a successful career criminal since they saw each other last (as well as losing all trace of his accent, du Toit quite clearly being 100% Sarf African). While the tensions between the two obviously run deep, Jake needs Chase’s expertise on a very specific job: to hunt down a great white which happens to have swallowed a very big, very valuable diamond. With the assistance of Jake’s ultra-glamourous lawyer/advisor Jasmine (Erica Cerra) – who obviously finds Chase utterly contemptible at first, and argues with him a lot, all the while falling for his roguish charms – Chase sets out to track the Great White down, but soon enough finds out that Jake is not the only person who wants the diamond, as the shady, Bond villain-ish crime lord Nix (The Mummy’s Arnold Vosloo, filling the time-honoured position of comparatively big name actor they could afford to hire for maybe two days), is after it too.
Sounds like a perfectly reasonable Romancing The Stone-type adventure, doesn’t it? And if they’d put any effort and/or money into the whole endeavour, it might have been. Alas, this is Asylum/Sy-Fy movie of the week level filmmaking, which immediately rules out any possibility of Shark Killer being of any value whatsoever. Time was, the cheap and crappy rip-off movies of this sort would have been the likes of Cannon’s King Solomon’s Mines and Hercules, or the recently reviewed Hawk the Slayer; movies which, while clearly working with limited resources and ripping off other, better films left right and centre, still managed to meet the correct quota of set pieces which conveyed a sense of the fantastic, to the extent that they’re still watchable even decades later. In the case of Shark Killer, however, it’s hard to imagine anyone giving a damn about the film even six months from now. It’s 95% people talking about going on an adventure to catch a shark, 5% actually showing it – and the limited number of ‘action’ scenes included have absolutely no sense of scale or excitement. And again, this being Asylum/Sy-Fy standard it’s clearly aimed at network TV, meaning they can’t even throw in a bit of gore, nudity and profanity to liven things up: it’s patently absurd that the BBFC have slapped this with a 15 certificate for ‘Strong Violence,’ whilst the considerably grislier (and better) 12A-rated Jurassic World is currently thrilling the undies off young whipper-snappers everywhere.
Again, it makes me sad to have to describe Shark Killer this way. I do love a good old fashioned adventure, and last year’s underrated Day of the Mummy demonstrated that it is possible for microbudget horror to successfully venture in that direction. Shark Killer might have managed this if they’d put a bit more work in; instead, it’s just another lazy, supermarket bottom shelf filler set to be instantly forgotten. Writer Richard Beattie, co-writer and director Sheldon Wilson: you may have your hearts in the right place, but guys – you’re gonna need a bigger vision.
* Thank you Wikipedia – fingers crossed I’m using the term correctly.
Already available on VOD & download in the US, Shark Killer is out on DVD in the UK on 20th July, from Image Entertainment.