Review by Ben Bussey
There are few things more tedious than a film which takes the seeds of a potentially interesting idea, before promptly getting lazy and churning out something so bland, unimaginative and illogical it almost hurts. When such a middling production manages to procure the services of a genuine cinematic heavyweight like Rutger Hauer, that only sours things that bit more.
See that exhausted, “oh god, what have I done” look on Rutger’s face as he contemplates his own reflection? I’m fairly sure he didn’t need much help finding his motivation for that scene…
RPG – which, in this instance, stands for Real Playing Game (yes, really) – is a textbook case of a straight-to-DVD production that’s so utterly half-baked on every conceivable level that within minutes you’re wondering who the hell it was made for, and what was driving the people making it, as it certainly doesn’t seem to have been a passion for the medium. The core idea – the rich and elderly given the chance to inhabit young, healthy bodies via the wonders of modern technology – isn’t necessarily the most unique starting point ever, but there’s still the potential for something interesting. Let’s face it, if money was no object and the technology was there, the idea of being able to relive your youth if only for a limited time is surely something most of us would consider. But what would you want to do with this young body? Enter some hedonistic paradise perhaps; eat, drink and boink to your heart’s content? Again, I’m sure many of us would consider that. Yet for some reason, the creators of the Real Playing Game think it would be better for all their ‘players’ to have their memories wiped, then for their new young bodies to be dumped in some remote, overgrown abandoned building in Portugal, and be forced to systematically kill one another. And, even more bewilderingly, the old rich dudes willingly sign up for this.
Once again, it’s an utterly lame-brained low budget would-be thriller that thinks it’s a thousand times smarter, wittier, sexier and more suspenseful than it actually is, and cops out at every turn. The plot is idiotic, the characters are utterly detestable without exception, and the mostly young cast (Cian Barry’s passable Hauer impersonation notwithstanding) do themselves no favours whatsoever, not that they ever had a chance to come off well; quite clearly the bulk of them were cast for looking good in skimpy clothing rather than any concerns about giving actual performances. Any hopes that there might be genuine tension and surprises in store goes out the window quickly – but lest you think the filmmakers would have the good sense to up the sensationalism just to give the punters their money’s worth, you’ll be disappointed there too. The action scenes are mild, packing little punch and minimal gore; and while there’s the odd tease of a sex scene, including a few instances of the now near-obligatory girl-on-girl, these too play it painfully safe. (Quite how this has been deemed worthy of an 18 certificate is beyond me.)
I generally prefer not to post reviews quite so brief and dismissive as this, but RPG is one of those films that it really isn’t worth wasting any time or energy on. I feel sorry for the poor actors and filmmakers who wasted their efforts on something so worthless, and can only console myself with the knowledge that by this time next month this film will have almost certainly expunged itself from my memory completely.
RPG is out now on Blu-ray from Kaleidoscope.