Review by Quin
For the longest time, I was convinced that the posters I was seeing for Nurse 3D were just some art project for some fake horror movie. There seemed to be many variations of these photos featuring a combination of model/actress Paz de la Huerta in a bondage style nurses uniform, no uniform, blood, no blood and high heels – as well as one where she is riding a giant hypodermic needle. That last one may have come later, I really have no idea. All I know is that Nurse 3D has existed in my mind for at least three years, but why the hell was there no actual movie attached to these amazing works of art/brilliant marketing tools? Well the production of Nurse 3D has a long history, and like we’ve seen with so many other films, it really is a minor miracle that any movie ever gets made. Really.
From what I’ve been reading, my original suspicions about this not being a real film weren’t too far off at the time. It seems that the idea for the movie came from noirish nurse photos by Tim Palen, the chief marketing officer at Lionsgate. Why Lionsgate was not even attached to the film’s release for a couple years is still quite confusing to me. But it ultimately does not matter. Nurse 3D is here. It’s real, and it’s kind of great.
Abby Russell is the nurse of the title. She works at All Saints Hospital during the day, but at night she’s a Dexter Morgan-esque serial killer vigilante, seeking out men who deserve to die because they’ve been unfaithful to their significant others. Abby’s serial killing turns into obsessing and stalking when she falls for blonde co-worker Danni. Nothing and no one will stand in her way as she tries to split her and her boyfriend up. This really is the entire plot, but sometimes what makes a movie good isn’t what ultimately happens, it’s how you get there.
The look of Nurse 3D is nothing short of stunning. Some have said it reminds them of Russ Meyer, I’m going to say it’s more Tinto Brass. As much as I love horror, movies with a lot of blood tend to leave me feeling queasy. Nurse 3D has many gallons of blood, but it’s used in a way that is actually visually appealing. While I did see it on VOD in the comfort of my own home (Nurse 3D in 2D is what I’ve been calling it on twitter) the cinematography is stylized and effective. Even without the 3D, the blood spatter really sprays in a way I don’t think I’ve seen before.
I’ve seen quite a bit of criticism for Paz de la Huerta’s acting in this film. She does have this slow, breathy way of talking that makes her sound like she’s wasted. But the noir influence of the film should be enough for people to realize that it’s an acting choice. She delivers some hilariously bad lines that seem right out of a pulp novel, like “My schedule’s been murder.” But if you’ve seen her in Gaspar Noe’s Enter the Void, her acting ability shouldn’t even be called into question. She absolutely knows what she’s doing and she’s very smart about it. The cast of Nurse 3D is filled with all kinds of actors that you’ve seen a million times before too, the most exciting being indie film favorite Martin Donovan as well as the great Kathleen Turner. During the film’s 84 minutes, we also see quick appearances by Corbin Bleu, Nicholas Turturro and Judd Nelson (who has a great scene with Paz near the end).
It should be fairly easy to tell if Nurse 3D is going to be the movie for you. Chances are this review will only be of use to those who haven’t seen the trailer or just don’t recognize sleazy campy silliness from a mile away. But I can assure you that I had a good time watching it. I should mention that if you are looking for a socially responsible tale, this isn’t it. There is no feminist allegory here like we saw in the brilliant 2007 film Teeth. Nurse 3D is mostly just fun trash. Abby Russell even says in her voice over near the beginning, “To all you nurses out there, lighten up. You do your job your way and I’ll do my job mine.”
Nurse 3D (in 3D and 2D) is in US theatres and on VOD now from Lionsgate.