It was only recently that I offered up an enthusiastic review of The Machine, a new British movie which explores the ramifications of a human consciousness transferred into an android in an intelligent, mature way. Smart sci-fi of that breed is always welcome… but then, there’s sci-fi like Robotrix.
Sigh; remember the good old days before China took over Hong Kong? (Cue Brutal As Hell being immediately barred by all search engines in China, assuming it wasn’t already.) It seems like such a distant memory now, but there was indeed a time when a large portion of the most badass and batshit insane B-movies out there came from Hong Kong; movies in which the words ‘too much’ never applied, and the only things to kept off the table were good taste and logic. The cream of the crop from this early 90s wave of Hong Kong trash was, as far as I’m concerned, 1992’s Naked Killer – but it seems the way may have been paved for that classic slice of Cantonese sleaze by this earlier trash-tastic mix of kung-fu, sci-fi and sexploitation.
Essentially, Robotrix takes the basic premise of Robocop, and replaces all the sophisticated satire with a lame-brained police procedural/slapstick comedy/rape revenge/soft porno movie. Truly, only in the old days of Hong Kong could you find such a genre crossover. HK cop Selina (Chikako Aoyama, who was clearly in no way shape or form cast purely on the basis of her massive tits) is part of a team assigned to protect a randy young prince from some unspecified middle eastern land. However, whilst the prince is cavorting in his luxury suite with a bevy of naked ladies – while, naturally, an entire team of male HK cops with the sexual maturity of a 12-year old boy stare goggle-eyed and say “OOOOOOOOOO!” – Selina is caught unawares and shot through the heart. Next thing we know the prince has been kidnapped, and it’s all because his dad – a guy who looks about as middle-eastern as Roger Moore in a keffiyeh – is a patron of the robotic sciences, seeking to secure the services of the best robot makers in the world in order to build his own robotic army. It seems this one particular scientist Sakamoto really, really wants the job, as he’s holding the prince ransom and demanding his own research be funded; and just to prove how serious he is, he kills himself on camera and transfers his consciousness into a totally lifelike humanoid form (Chung Lin).
Not to be outdone, robotics expert Dr. Sara (Hiu-Dan Hui) and her creation Ann (Amy Yip, best known for Sex and Zen, and again quite clearly not cast purely on the basis of her massive tits) take the recently deceased cop Selina and transfer her consciousness into a robot body that’s identical to her own. Keeping it all top secret and pretending Selina is still the same, the three ladies join forces with Selina’s old squad in order to rescue the Prince and aprehend the villainous Robo-Sakamoto, who has now added the rape and murder of a prostitute to his rap sheet. As for how they go about the investigation… well, I don’t want to give everything away, suffice to say it’s probably not what they’d do on CSI.
Particularly for those of us with a more delicate disposition, a movie like Robotrix is very much an acquired taste. You have to accept going in that people are going to say and do utterly stupid, unbelievable things, and utterly stupid, unbelievable things are going to happen, as well as things which (uh-oh) some viewers may find offensive. On which note, existing fans of Robotrix will doubtless be approaching this new DVD edition from Mediumrare with one key question in mind: is this a fully restored version? Robotrix is yet another movie to fall under the knife of the BBFC, as it ventures into the old red-flag area of sexual violence. The BBFC records on the matter show that, with 2 mins 45 seconds removed, this edition of Robotrix is the most complete yet approved for an 18 certificate. Naturally, it’s not too hard to find the excised footage online if you’re so inclined (watch out though, our beloved Mr Cameron is this close to locking you away just for typing the word ‘rape’ on a computer), and I honestly can’t say the film suffers particularly from their absence. They are indeed gratuitous, salicious and distasteful scenes – but then, there’s barely a moment in Robotrix that isn’t, and the overriding cartoonish tone makes them impossible to take seriously.
As it stands, I half wish they’d been inclined to take the knife to the remaining sequences of consensual intercourse. According to the press release, Robotrix was the first Hong Kong movie to feature full-frontal nudity, so I suppose they were beginners when it came to shooting sex – and by gum, does it show. It’s rare indeed that I complain about an extended scene involving a well-endowed naked woman, but the scene in which Chikako Aoyama gets it on with her cop lover David Wu has to be among the most unsexy sex scenes ever shot; it’s painfully unnatural and forced, and it just doesn’t know when to stop. Curiously, co-star Amy Yip must have had a no-nipple clause, even though her surgically enhanced hooters are barely contained by her garish wardrobe for pretty much the duration (as the picture above might indicate).
It’s not all tits, ass and questionable attitudes toward sex, however. As with all the best Hong Kong movies, Robotrix packs a fair bit of chop socky as well, and indeed the only scenes in which Amy Yip and Chikako Aoyama go double-team on a guy, it’s in a fisticuffs capacity. Given the action involves superpowered robots, they do unnatural levels of damage, hence we have some wonderfully ridiculous and gory deaths, most notably a moment involving what looks like a picnic hamper put to unexpected use.
Is Robotrix sexist, degrading, offensive and idiotic? Quite probably. But hey, that’s what we call paracinema. It’s by no means a lost classic, but it’s good midnight movie entertainment if you’re in the mood for something with absolutely no sense of taste and decency. It may disappoint some viewers that, while this edition has restored a least a little previously excised footage (the aforementioned cuts are not especially glaring), they didn’t also go to the trouble of cleaning the print up a bit; it’s dirty VHS quality with fairly muffled sound. Personally, I’m quite content with this, as it feels like the way it was meant to be seen; spotlessly clean HD versions of movies like this just don’t seem that appropriate to my mind. But again, existing fans of the movie may find this another reason to be disappointed, on top of this not being a fully uncut version. There are also no extras beyond a trailer. But hey – it’s still got big breasted ladies doing kung fu, so it’s not as if it’s a dead loss, right?
Robotrix is out on Region 2 DVD on 25th November 2013, from Mediumrare Entertainment.