Review by Tristan Bishop
As a horror fan I like Rob Zombie. He’s a man who loves horror, and has respect and passion for the genre. He makes the films he wants to make, and fills them with casts full of genre legends and lesser-known cult actors. Zombie is truly one of us; he makes horror films for the love and not the money (in an age where far too many film-makers use the genre as a stepping stone into more ‘serious’ work), and he wears his influences on his sleeve, both in his casting and also in the visual homages to earlier eras which litter his work.
Unfortunately so far Zombie has proven himself to be rather less than, say, a horror-orientated Tarantino, as he failed to match his enthusiasm with a decent script or story. Instead, with the likes of House Of 1000 Corpses or The Devil’s Rejects, he has opted to allow a great cast to wander around being ghoulish for a bit, or, with Halloween 2 (which I count among the worst films I have ever seen) he threw so many stupid ideas into the mix that you end up asking if what you just watched was real (and if so, who the hell gave it the green light).
This aside, I was looking forward to The Lords Of Salem. Zombie had complete control on this picture, and I was hoping that maybe this would be the key to him finding his voice and finally making that fresh and original horror film that I have always hoped he would make. Also as the film centres around music, perhaps Zombie’s rock band past would give him enough grounding to make this an interesting aspect.
We are introduced to the main character, Heidi, played (of course) by the director’s wife, Sheri Moon Zombie, who is one third of a radio show team who host the rock show on the local Salem station. Heidi is also a recovering drug addict and may or may not be having a relationship with Whitey, another of the team on her show (played by a massive beard in human form, aka Jeff Daniel Phillips). One day she receives a package at work, which is an arcane wooden box containing a vinyl record, with only the words ‘a gift from The Lords’. Upon playing the record an eerie repetitive tune seems to hypnotise Heidi and give her visions of 17th century witches and their naked rituals. The team end up playing the record on their show, which causes the women of Salem to act all hypnotised. Heidi starts having stranger and more disturbing visions. Is she relapsing with the drugs? Do her landlady (played by the great Judy Geeson) and her two sisters have more sinister plans than they are letting on about? And just who are the Lords?
Well, leave it to Zombie to not only answer these questions, but do so in the style of someone attempting to make great art by throwing their paintbrushes at the wall. Zombie does at least signal his intentions a couple of minutes in, as we are introduced to the lead character via a naked arse shot – something of a directorial stamp this by now (a friend of mine, when I mentioned I was off to see this, actually asked how many Sheri Moon arse shots were going to be in it). To be fair, Sheri Moon Zombie acquits herself rather well in this film, portraying a cool but vulnerable character adequately, and looking great in a role (and outfits) that would normally be played by a woman half her age, which is no doubt the upside of such nepotism. Unfortunately Zombie seems to have instructed the rest of his actors to camp it up to 11, which not only spoils any creepy atmosphere that many of the set-ups suggest he was going for, but also serves to highlight the appalling nature of much of the dialogue. In addition to this the film jumps around madly, occasionally jettisoning or suddenly bringing in elements; having done some research it appears quite a lot ended up on the cutting-room floor here, which is as I suspected, as I spent most of the film wondering when the wonderful Sid Haig and Michael Berryman were going to appear as promised in the credits. I can only assume their scenes might have helped the story to make sense.
After a confusing build-up the film eventually moves into a climax whereby, for want of tension or action, Zombie goes for what can only be described as the end of Kubrick’s 2001 re-imagined as the fever dream of a 14-year-old metal fan. During the screening I attended, when the director’s name appeared on the screen following this the reaction was one of hysterical laughter. Generally not a good sign.
There are, as with most films with a little money behind them, things to enjoy here – the cinematography by Brandon Trost is pleasing on the eye, and makes good use of colour, often subtly muted rather than going for the clichéd grainy look beloved of so much current horror. The soundtrack is rather good too (as you might imagine), with original music by Griffin Boice and Marilyn Manson’s guitarist John 5, although there is an over-reliance on loud rumbling drones at times, and Zombie will upset many music lovers with his use of The Velvet Underground during the climactic scenes (as I overheard one chap say to another on the way out, “I can’t believe he desecrated The Velvets!”)
So, there we have it, yet another disappointing effort from Zombie. I think perhaps I will now finally have learnt my lesson and will stop expecting the man to ever pull his finger out and deliver that classic, although I am now starting to suspect that in 30 years time we may well be considering him the Ed Wood of our generation.
The Lords of Salem is released to US and UK cinemas on 19th April, from Momentum in the UK and Anchor Bay in the US.