Review by Ben Bussey.
Finally, it’s the film that David Lean never got to complete… ahem, I mean, it’s the film within a film from Joseph Guzman’s Run! Bitch Run!, brought to life as a complete feature in its own right, Machete style. It has yet to get a US release owing to what I gather is a pretty major legal battle, but it’s been readily available in the UK since April. So, revelling in my British superiority like a baddie in a Mel Gibson movie, I picked it up and checked it out. Well, okay, I did so at Marc’s behest; he’s a big fan of Run! Bitch Run!, having given the film – and I quote – his “thumbs up my ass stamp of approval for showing some balls and taking some real chances.” (Read his full review here.) This colourful language is somewhat appropriate, given the nature of the film in question. Still, while I can see where Marc’s coming from, I’d be lying if I said Run! Bitch Run! worked quite so well for me. With its core premise of a convent school girl turning to an avenging angel following the murder of her friend and her own torture and rape at the hands of drug-pushing pimp low-lives, it’s clearly out to tick all the boxes for a rough and ready grindhouse/exploitation movie. The problem, as Marc mentions in his review, is that it seems to owe more to Rodriguez and Tarantino’s Grindhouse than the original 70s sleazefests that inspired it, and for me it just came off a bit too contrived.
As for Nude Nuns with Big Guns: the key problem is, it’s ultimately little more than a direct retread of its predecessor. But then, dependent on your point of view, that needn’t be a problem at all. If you’re in the pro-Run! Bitch Run! camp, then you might be up for it; if you’re not, then you won’t. But even if you come to Nude Nuns with Big Guns without having seen Run! Bitch Run!, you needn’t worry as it won’t take you long to get to grips with things. Where Guzman’s last film had a schoolgirl in an Elle Driver-esque nurse’s uniform, his latest has a nun out for bloody satisfaction against brutal bikers and corrupt clergymen. That aside, it’s pretty much business as usual.
Now, the title may immediately cause problems for the nitpickers among us. Despite the use of the plural ‘Nuns’ in the title, the action focuses on a single nun, Sister Sarah (Asun Ortega), and she certainly isn’t nude at all times. Which is not to say this film does not have female nudity in abundance; in common with its predecessor, hardly a minute passes without some bare flesh, and more or less every actress in the film bares all. A few of them wind up getting raped as well. Offensive enough for you? No? Well, a lot of this happens with the full knowledge and/or participation of priests, all of whom are as crooked as the day is long. They even have the nuns in a drug lab, making them work naked aside from their wimples. Still not offensive enough for you? Well, did I mention that one of the men responsible for a fair amount of the aforementioned raping is a very muscular black biker named Kick Stand?
Also, I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that Joseph Guzman was brought up Christian. It tends to be the case, doesn’t it, that those who take the most joy in defiling Christian iconography are those that were smothered by it when growing up, be they Aleister Crowley or Ken Russell. Me, I never had that experience; my upbringing was fairly relaxed and relatively secular, and while there’s plenty I could say against the church, such sentiments don’t resonate with me on so personal a level. Maybe that’s why I’m not quite so tickled by priests acting like mobsters, heading to the confessional saying “I could do with a good jerk-off story,” or by Sister Sarah blowing away a criminal priest by shooting him in the sign of the cross, or using rosary beads for garotting.
Yes, in case you hadn’t noticed, flagrant offensiveness is the name of the game, and it’s all done in so deliberate and pointed a manner that to criticize the film for being in poor taste would be to rather miss the point. So once you get past all that, is there more to appreciate from Nude Nuns with Big Guns? Well, once more there’s a massive debt to those figureheads of contemporary grindhouse, particularly Rodriguez. The opening title music is practically identical to Planet Terror; there’s a strip club named the Titty Flicker, the name emblazoned in a neon sign not too dissimilar to that of the Titty Twister; there are innumerable scenes lifted almost verbatim from Desperado, from a similar use of mariachi music, to moments of Sister Sarah’s fellow nun lover Angelina (Aycil Yeltan) standing in for Steve Buscemi in spreading the story of the avenging nun, and questioning whether her vengeance is truly holy. Hmm; it gives one pause for thought as to how Desperado would have gone down with audiences if Buscemi and Banderas had been lovers too.
The main thing I can say in favour of Guzman is that, while he’s clearly working on a shoestring, there’s no doubt he has a considerably better grasp on the craft of putting a film together than many working at his level; everything looks good, sounds good and makes sense, which certainly can’t always be said of microbudget horror/exploitation nowadays. When all’s said and done, Nude Nuns with Big Guns just wasn’t quite my cup of tea. But if you hate the church, love lipstick lesbianism, don’t object to sexual violence and like your movies with the smoky taste of south-of-the-border sleaze, there may well be fun to be had. I couldn’t say how long it will be before an official US release comes along, so if y’all Americans fancy tracking down the Region 2 DVD you might like to know that it features a trailer (not the one below), the original short film which formed the basis for the feature, plus the full length version of a ranting televangelist which appears in clip form in the movie.
Nude Nuns With Big Guns is available now on Region 2 DVD from Spirit Entertainment.