Sharktopus (2010)
Distributor: Anchor Bay Entertainment
DVD Release Date (UK): 14th March 2011
Directed by: Declan O’Brien
Starring: Eric Roberts, Sara Malakul Lane, Kerim Bursin, Liv Boughn
Review by: Ben Bussey
At a top-secret lab in a top-secret location, a top-secret military bioengineering division are working on a top-secret project. Headed by the father-daughter duo of egomaniacal tyrant Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts) and gifted, warm-hearted genius of genetics Nicole Sands (Sara Malakul Lane), the team have created S-11, a revolutionary hybrid of two of the sea’s greatest predators: I think you can make an educated guess as just what those might be. Intended as the next great American superweapon, they believed they could keep the beast under control. Guess what: they were wrong. Before you know it, S-11 is free, and hungry, and on the hunt.
Pardon me while I break with convention a little. Generally if we include the trailer in the body of a review we leave it until the end. This time, I’m putting it right here, and I humbly request you watch it before you read on.
There you have it. You’ve now essentially seen Sharktopus.
Let’s face it, that’s where this new wave of creatue features does its real business. They’re no longer the stuff of the drive-in, or the grindhouse, or the rental store, or even cable television: they’re the bread and butter of Youtube. I for one have never seen the fabled Megashark Vs Giant Octopus in its entirety; I’ve seen the shark take down the plane in the trailer, so why do I need to see any more? Likewise, I have little motivation to see Mega Python Vs Gatoroid, as I’ve already had the distinct pleasure of watching Tiffany and Debbie Gibson beat each other up women-in-prison style. Now, I think it’s fair to say Sharktopus doesn’t really have any money shots to match either of those iconic moments. And you already know that, as, having seen the trailer, you’ve seen all the bits worth seeing. There is nothing to Sharktopus beyond what you get in the two minutes above.
Having said that; if the trailer brought a smile to your face, the movie just might do the same.
When you see the words ‘Roger Corman Presents’ above the title, you get some indication of what to expect. Corman even gets a little cameo appearance here, casually standing by as Sharktopus takes down a hapless bikini-clad treasure hunter, then walking away unscathed with a little gold in his hand; a fair representation of how the man himself fares with these movies, I should think. And such are the most entertaining moments in the movie, when Sharktopus pops up out of nowhere to grab and gobble anyone doing anything fun by the water, be it swimming, jet-skiing, or (as seen above) bungee jumping.
Not that there’s anything to quite rival Piranha 3D’s paraglider incident. Indeed, while this movie may walk a similar path of ridiculous waterbound monster action to that of Alexandre Aja’s hit of last summer, this is by comparison a very tame, almost family friendly affair, with very little bloodshed, and all bikini tops staying on. I guess this had to be the case, given that it’s a SyFy TV movie.
It goes without saying that the creature is ridiculous, the CGI is third rate, the performances are feeble, the sound and camerawork flat; all that is part and parcel. We shouldn’t expect anything different from such a film as this. That it’s by and large played pretty straight is also part of the gag, and I suspect no one was enjoying themselves more than Eric Roberts. He turns in the same supervillian performance here that he’s given in everything from The Specialist to DOA: Dead or Alive to The Expendables, but I can’t help getting the feeling he had the most fun on this one. Sure, his sister’s got the Oscar, but when they get together at family gatherings which do you think is the object of more ridicule: this movie, or Eat Pray Love? Hmm… well, I know what it’d be in my house.
Should any questions remain as to whether or not Sharktopus is for you, I’ll reiterate: just keep watching the trailer. If you feel inclined to watch an 80 minute version of that, then go right ahead. If you feel the 130 second version will suffice, I can’t say I blame you. But what the hell, there are giggles to be had either way.