By Ben Bussey
It’s never ideal to open a review on a disclaimer, but here goes anyway: I don’t know Pride and Prejudice at all. Naturally I’ve always been well aware of it – I’m British, and the image of a sopping wet Colin Firth is irrevocably burned into our national consciousness – but I didn’t watch the much-loved 1990s TV adaptation, nor the 2005 Keira Knightley movie; and, not for nothing, I’ve never read Jane Austen’s novel. If you were to ask me why, I wouldn’t be able to give an answer that didn’t come off as pig-ignorant; it was never on the curriculum for any of my English classes at school, and I never had any personal interest in it because (women in corsets notwithstanding) it didn’t seem to have anything I was interested in. But if you add the walking dead and martial arts swordplay to the mix, surely that’s enough to hook in an ignoramus like me, right?
Well – this time seven years ago, that might have been true. It’s a little hard to believe, but it’s only been that long since Seth Grahame-Smith’s horror-tinged reworking of Austen was first published in 2009 (and no, in case you’re wondering, I never read that either). The concept seemed audacious at the time, captured the imagination of readers both within and without of horror fandom, and in no short order spawned a wave of imitators. Hollywood took note too, with all manner of modernised rejigs of time-honoured tales hitting the screen, and Grahame-Smith himself soon graduated from classic literature remix-master to high-profile screenwriter and producer. And yet, for some time it looked unlikely that the novel that started it all, which was of course optioned for a movie almost immediately, would ever make the screen; a succession of directors, screenwriters and lead actresses were linked to the project only to drop off one by one, until finally Burr Steers produced the version that hit cinemas to little aplomb this past Valentine’s Day, and is now coming to home entertainment.
Within the first few minutes, it’s clear why Pride & Prejudice & Zombies took so long to get made. It seems like a one-joke premise that will get tedious in no short order… and it is. And what makes this movie ever more baffling is that, given this is a property which would seem to hinge on being ridiculous and out there, it’s is a strangely sedate and pedestrian affair, with the horror and action elements heavily dialed down so as to avoid going above a PG-13 rating. Not that this made any difference in the UK, as it still wound up a 15; but given how much a 15 certificate movie can get away with nowadays, this is one of the mildest we’ve seen in a dog’s age.
For the reasons I’ve already given, I can’t verify how much of the original Pride & Prejudice storyline remains, but I’m informed by reliable sources (i.e. my missus, who’s read both the original Austen and Grahame-Smith books) that the essential beats of both remain, but the movie has amped up the zombie element significantly, adding a military conflict thread which was not present in the 2009 novel. What I find bewildering is that, even with this embellishment, the living dead element is still very much a subplot, and in all honesty a distraction from the main narrative thread of high society drama and will-they/won’t-they romance – which, I cannot deny, is quite compelling. (Wow, maybe that Austen bird really did know how to tell a story…)
However, I suspect it would have all been considerably more compelling in the hands of a different cast and director. It was a very curious decision to take on this material, but then treat it to all intents and purposes as a non-parodic costume drama. Maybe Steers had hoped this might bring out the underlying humour, much as how Airplane! became a comedy classic at least in part thanks to the casting of serious actors. Sadly, this approach just doesn’t work here. It also doesn’t help that Steers seems very ill-at-ease directing action; all the key players have clearly undergone some serious martial arts training for the film, and are required to perform much of this whilst delivering Austen’s dialogue, which by all rights should have resulted in some hugely impressive and laugh-out-loud hilarious moments. But the scenes in question fall utterly flat; the fights are poorly shot and edited, and it’s all played far too straight to raise more than a passing smirk.
There are some enjoyable supporting turns from Matt Smith, Sally Phillips, Charles Dance and Lena Heady, but even someone as ignorant of Austen as myself knows that it all hinges on the casting of Elizabeth and Darcy. That’s where Pride & Prejudice & Zombies really hits the floor face-down, as Lily James and Sam Riley are just bland in the lead roles, with very little chemistry. It’s bad enough that the zombies are sidelined, the gore is almost non-existent, and the action scenes are poorly realised – but when Pride & Prejudice & Zombies proves to contain not even a pinch of simmering sexual tension, surely that renders the whole thing utterly pointless.
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies is available for digital download on 20th June, then Blu-ray, DVD and VOD on 27th June, from Lionsgate.