By Quin
Damn this movie – from the setup that doesn’t matter at all to the downbeat ending that is almost good, but carries the story just a little too long. The Damned is one of those glossy looking movies with the production values of a good movie, but it never does what it’s trying desperately to do. You know, things like telling a good story and scaring its viewers.
I’ve actually been meaning to review this since December. I watched it all of those months ago, hated it then, but other movies became more important and pressed for time, so The Damned kept getting pushed back. I wanted to mention this because – have you ever left a movie not sure how you felt about it, but for whatever reason it stayed with you, and over time you started to either love it or hate it? Well, that’s sort of what I experienced with this movie. But the more time that went by, the more I hated it. It got to the point where I was dreading doing this review, because too much time had gone by and I knew I’d have to sit through it again. I hoped that my hatred had grown for things I only thought I remembered about it. I always try to be optimistic about these things and I figured if I was going to do this, it had to at least start with a good attitude.
A brief summary of the plot sounds so much better than it actually is, but as I mentioned, the setup is pointless. David and his fiancé are in Colombia to pick up his daughter and bring her home for their wedding. All of this is news to her and she doesn’t want to go. They all decide to hang out for a few days before returning to the states. All of this is explained so poorly (the movie, not my review; or perhaps my review, I am describing a turd) and all of the members of the family look about the same age. Oh, I should probably mention that there is tragedy in the family’s recent past. Dad’s wife died and he’s getting over it by marrying a much younger woman. So, I guess there’s nothing else for them to do, but go explore Colombia. Here’s where the description gets good, but the movie itself does not. They get caught in a severe storm and flash flood. The family finds shelter in an old inn. A strange old man lives there. At first he’s not very nice and tells them the inn is closed and they have to leave. But since one of them is hurt, they convince him to let them in. Immediately, we notice that there is something sinister going on. The old man seems very interested in the fact that they are a family and he makes it clear to one of the girls that her crucifix will not protect her.
Nobody in these movies ever notices the warning signs. They all get comfy in the inn. The old man tells them to stay put and not to snoop around. They ignore him and find a young girl chained up in a secret room. What starts as a rescue operation, turns into confusion and anger with everyone in the movie turning on each other and the viewer not giving a damn and probably falling asleep. As you probably guessed, the little girl is not what she seems. And now the family might never make it out of the inn.
So, after seeing this movie twice in three months, here’s my official thoughts on the film. It blew the first time I saw it and it still blows now. The plot feels like one of those good old fashioned ghost stories, but it’s better suited for a page of a book or for around a camp fire. It’s filled with characters that are hard to like. Not because they are despicable or anything, but there’s just not much to them. The best thing about the film is the direction. The Damned looks damn good. The house is a great location with lots of atmosphere. But I can get the same effect and have a much better time watching an old Barbara Steele movie. The Damned is mostly boring and predictable. It’s the kind of thing that works so much better when it doesn’t take itself too seriously. You should probably skip it, damnit!
The Damned is available on DVD and digital download from IFC Midnight. It is also streaming on Netflix in the US.