Return to Horror High (1987)
Directed by: Bill Froehlich
Starring: George Clooney, a bunch of other people who never got famous
Review by: Ben Bussey
This is a slightly different kind of review for me. The bulk of my reviews tend to be new DVD releases – sometimes first run DVDs, sometimes new editions of older films – with a few theatrical releases now and then. It’s rare indeed that I’m called upon to review a film that’s about to screen on television. So rare, in fact, that this is literally the first time I’ve been asked to do so. And I thought, what the hell. It’s not uncommon that an assessment of a horror movie will ruminate on how well it might play on late-night TV; for once, that is the specific context in which the film can be considered. And it’s safe to say that Return to Horror High, which makes its UK television debut this weekend on Horror (that’s Sky 319, Virgin 149, Freesat 138), makes for some pretty good late night TV fodder.
First off, it cannot have escaped your attention that the picture above features quite prominently a topless young woman. You might also note the trickle of blood in her cleavage. Immediately, two of the boxes are ticked. Late night movie viewing in the home suggests a number of key factors; primarily, a degree of intimacy, and more often than not a degree of inebriation. In other words, the midnight hour is when men of all ages channel hop endlessly in search of anything featuring naked girls, with the remote in one hand and we-all-know-what-else in the other. An 80s slasher through and through, Return To Horror High will not leave such intrepid channel surfers wanting. Sure, there will be the odd lull during which one may inevitably flick over to Babestation and/or the porn channel freeviews, but there’s more than enough of interest in the movie which should bring the viewer straight back.
Beyond the blood and the boobs, however, there is more unique point of interest in Return To Horror High. It’s one of those “look-it’s-them-before-they-were-famous” films. Like Johnny Depp, Kevin Bacon and Holly Hunter before him, George Clooney landed his first screen credit in a horror movie, and of the aforementioned his is by far the tackiest of those debuts. It’s not a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment like Holly Hunter’s (name that movie, trivia fans!), but it’s not an especially substantial role either; it’s hardly spoiling things to reveal he doesn’t survive the first twenty minutes. At which point he ascends to the gates of heaven and negotiates his return to earth by giving John Malcovich an espresso machine. I jest of course.
But even once Clooney’s out of the picture, the presence of the future silver fox as a somewhat nerdy young man is but one of the many disorientating elements of Return To Horror High. First off, one would assume this is a sequel to a movie called Horror High, but so far as I’m aware it’s actually a standalone movie (correct me if I’m wrong). Not only that, it’s a movie within a movie, as a cast and crew set up shop in an abandoned high school where years earlier a killing spree occured, making a movie about – you guessed it – those very murders. And whilst said movie about said murders is being made, more murders are happening. The way things are edited, it’s often hard to tell whether what we are watching is the movie within the movie, or a flashback, or an actual murder. Tick another box for late-night viewing: a sense of disorientation, which makes the whole thing oddly in tune with the viewer’s state of being half-awake and drunk. It ain’t quite Fulci in the freak-out stakes, but it’s weird enough.
And perhaps weirdest of all… it’s actually kinda good. Drawing sharp attention to the fact that Scream was not quite as groundbreaking as we might like to think, Return To Horror High is a postmodernist self-referential slasher film from a decade before such films became the norm. Dwelling heavily on the power struggles between the director who wants to make a sophisticated psychological film, the producer who wants to get asses on seats with tits and gore, and the writer who is subject to the whims of both and unable to get his own ideas a look in, there is a great deal of commentary on the cliches of the genre, how it can be demeaning to women, and how it can pander to the base impulses of undemanding consumers. Of course, it does all this within the context of a cheap and tacky horror movie which as I think have made clear does feature plenty of tits and gore, so the filmmakers were perhaps trying to have their cake and eat it. Although that expression has ever made much sense to me; I mean, what else are you supposed to do with a cake other than eat it…?
Anyways, before I start to rival Marc’s Night of the Demons review for self-indulgent rambling (I say it with love, Marc!), I’d better bring things to some sembelance of a conclusion. If you’re in Britain, you’re home Saturday night, you’ve had a few drinks and a curry or pizza, and you’re looking for some entertainment, you could certainly do worse than Return To Horror High. As Spinal Tap told us, there is a fine line between stupid and clever, and this movie walks that tightrope in a most extravagant fashion. And did I mention it’s got tits and gore?
Editor’s Note: Return to Horror High has its UK Television debut this Saturday February 5th at 22:55 on The Horror Channel.